Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Exactly. I am gobsmacked at some of the replies, and the poll result.

IT'S A CANDLE! 😂

Exactly. I am gobsmacked at some of the replies, and the poll result.

IT'S A CANDLE! 😂

Oh shit, sorry. I have no idea why that posted FOUR TIMES! 😬

The candle would have lost its scent by the time of the next year’s raffle so you gave them a dud.

This seems like a small, calculated cruelty on your part and I applaud your colleague for calling you out in it.

My advice to you: Don’t shit where you eat.

I was one of the people who asked this - because I and both my children are ND. I did not ask in terms of OP’s inability to register that this was a tactless thing (which is actually totally valid, IMHO, as several of my extended family would be precisely this tactless due to their ND) but it was OP’s refusal to concede that she may have got this wrong, that if this is part of a series of similar tactless behaviours that have driven the other party to raise it in this 1-2-1, then maybe she needs to take a moment. The evidence here is of black and white/rigid thinking in terms of she is right, this other person is wrong. She has come here in AIBU expecting people to totally agree with her. Some of us don’t. And yes, we are allowed to speculate as to why she cannot see our POV.

Rude and thoughtless. You could have donated it to a charity shop a year ago.

Diplomacy is required for survival at work. I don’t care much for others feelings if they annoy me rather like yourself but I’m not so stupid as to let them know that.

The offended woman is one of life’s over sensitive types.
You are a rigid thinker who lacks empathy, I am very like you but learned from a young age to not always actually say what I am thinking.

I sometimes wonder if people are like this because they want to appear nice. Look I feel so keenly and am so sensitive I’m so in tune with everything, small animals come to me I’m in tune with nature, I feel the candle I am the candle.

I think you were thoughtless and also dare I say a bit of a tight wad. I would have been upset if it was me. I bet if it was reversed you'd be the first one to moan.

I sometimes wonder if people are like this because they want to appear nice.

Like what?

You were lazy putting it into a raffle where the person would find out.

Big misstep. As is the way you apologised. Not an apology.

I shocked people at work when I declined the SS as I said I had enough stuff. But if you put tat into a SS then don’t be surprised if it’s regifted. You ANBU at all.

However, it would have been a lot more diplomatic if you’d regifted to a charity shop or school tombola. Doing this was bound to upset your colleague and looks as if you’ve been storing it up all year to make a point.

I think it's the issue of regifting it under this person's nose. By most people's standards thats unkind to say the least.

You sound like Hyacinth Bucket. Of course charity shops would have taken it, which is what you should have done with it. Lots of people like Hotel Chocolat and would be delighted to receive some. Oh and to many people, all white wine tastes like vinegar and we laugh at wine snobs that will 'only drink a certain grape'

Hopefully the person that wins it in the raffle will give it back to you in the Secret Santa.

This
Way to make your staff feel crap 🙄🥲
She probably thought she'd done a nice thing (you like candles right, so probably put some thought into something you might like) so you donate it back in front of her face (ok maybe not literally in your mind but you might as well have done)
Bit of a stupid and thoughtless thing to have done.
Do you not have any charity shops near you?!

This! You could have given it to a charity shop rather than somewhere your work colleague would see it. Seems particularly nasty on your part & I’m not surprised your colleague is upset. Good on them for calling out your behaviour!

Just seen you've said "no I'm not her boss"
Yet you're questioning her low work output.
Feeling more and more sorry for your colleague, no wonder she feels demotivated with you about.

Because FOUR CANDLES

Handles. For forks.

showing my age

I don't think they were unreasonable to bring it up, no. So however your AIBU is oriented, I'm afraid I think you ABU. It was tactless and quite a public display of your feelings about the gift, and I can imagine she probably does feel mortified in a way that has an impact on her in the job.

TBH the general way you write about this suggests you don't hold her in very high esteem so I wonder if she's picked up on that and that's why it feels to her like even more of an insult that you did what you did.

OP has already said she didnt consider the candle someone had put thought into gifting her, becasue she likes candles, to a charity shop because 'it wasnt Jo Malone or anything'. Apparently £10 candles from M&S are too crap for even charity shops and they wouldn't take it .....

<looks fondly at my nice lemongrass diffuser and candle from M&S which I use in the boys bathroom to great success>

😁

So many posts explaining to the OP that this was thoughtless / asking for trouble - but OP just keeps arguing back. Ah well - not much point in posting if OP can't accept others' opinions.