Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Bit odd that you kept an unwanted gift for a whole year and re-gifted it to the same place/environment where it was given to you ??
Yes of course it's fine to re-gifted but who does that where you are blatantly letting the original gifter know.
It sounds like maybe there may be something else brewing ? Like trying to wind this person up ? If they are a pratt then fair enough 😅

"the question wasn’t ‘WIBU to have done this’ it was ‘were they unreasonable to have raised it in a 1-2-1"

No. They had an issue. They raised it. Good for them.

You're obviously pissed off about being called out. Otherwise the question would have been "wibu to do this?". Instead you're trying to make it out like it's a her problem.
Just accept it was bad form, apologise and learn from it.

As for trying to justify it by saying you were saving money, you had a year to save up for it. If you cant afford it after a year, dont take part.

So you want to poison a colleague?

I don’t think you can expect someone buying your work secret Santa to remember you only like beeswax/soy wax. If that is why you’re annoyed, secret Santa has a limited budget and remembering you like candles is good enough.

But the two are linked.

If your own behaviour is exceptionally rude (which it was) and bordering on bitchy (which it was) then its perfectly reasonable for the person impacted by your rudeness and bitchiness to raise that with you. Raising it calmly in a one to one (rather than getting emotional at the raffle itself) is definitely the most appropriate way of dealing with this.

Your colleague had done a kind thing. She had got you a secret santa gift based on your interests that she genuinely thought you would like. That takes time and care that not many people take with secret santa gifts. If you didn't like it, you didn't like it but dispose of it quietly and discreetly. Don't wait a year and then throw her kindness back in her face very publicly.

You owe her an apology fir your rudeness. She handled it appropriately.

During the whole year none of your relatives or friends had a birthday where you could have added the candle as part of the gift, there are no charity shops near you where you could have donated it, no other raffles or collections unconnected to your work? I don’t believe that.

You say you didn’t think about it but you did because you thought it would save you money on buying something for this year’s work raffle. If you could think that much, you could certainly have thought about the feelings of the person who gave it to you.

You say you’re asking whether it’s reasonable for the colleague to demand a 1-2-1 about it. So the 1-2-1 has upset you and you want those feeling acknowledged, but the colleagues feeling of upset are just to be dismissed or ignored. Think about others’ feelings more aswell as your own.

Because it was parrafin wax.

It’s like giving someone who only drinks Merlot a bottle of Chablis.

Very tactless! Why do that?

@WorkRaffle it was rude ans rather thoughtless.

Donate it to charity by all means but givung it back to work is really rude.

My original post said

very tactless

I now say

Very tactless and very precious!

The wrong sort of candle?

This must be a wind-up. Nobody's this unaware.

Their sentiment and the fact they brought it up in a team meeting is ridiculous BUT it’s insane you couldn’t give something else!! It’s almost like being goady as you had to have known they’d know- you could have given it to a charity shop

If I only drunk Merlot and someone got me a Chablis at the work secret Santa with a price limit of no more than £10, I would say thank you because they’ve remembered I like red wine.

I'm surprised they remembered it a year later.

I do t think you really get it

You were very rude - they felt upset because you were rude. Why shouldn’t they bring up how you’ve made them feel (at work)

You should have given it to the charity shop or something.

Really bad form to send it back to the work raffle where the person who bought it would be made to feel like their item wasn’t good enough for you.
You must have the hide of a rhino to not be able to see that, even after so many people are trying to explain it to you.
Unless you are going to drip feed that you are ND and lack social awareness in general?

In answer to your original question yes I think it was fair game to bring it up. You didn’t care enough to be thoughtful so why should they!

You know what you should have done, OP... said that you used and loved the candle they bought so much, you bought another one for this year's raffle because you knew it was a great prize.

Surely you are being very unreasonable? Yes your colleague is being a bit of a snowflake but you had a million different ways of recycling this candle?

to regift it back into a work raffle is just as bad as the gift from last year?

so by that logic, a random colleague, who will win the candle in the raffle this year has grounds to complain about you gifting something that is bad for the environment?

Then this complaint might affect your motivation and you’ll need to raise it as a one to one in your next meeting with said colleague.

whole thing absurd!! 🤣

If you prefer soy wax candles for environmental reasons how do you feel about the deforestation required to grow soy beans?

Your explanation makes it worse. You didn't want 'chemicals releasing into the air' in your home but it's fine for your colleagues.

(Regifting is perfectly fine and sensible, but regift things in a different circle.)

yabu
did you apologise to your colleagues?

She is over sensitive but sorry - that was very rude of you and you should apologise. I would laugh it off but I am middle age with broad shoulders

this is what charity shops are for!

Do you get on well with your colleagues generally?