Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Because you are so gobsmacked 😁

You don’t regift via the same group of people for this reason!

What a fab idea she had. As much as teachers say please don't get anything just a handmade card is fine they get inundated with tat. She made the point brilliantly. Hats off to her of it worked. I assume it would only work for that cohort though and with pupil turnover she gets a new load next year.

In your situation OP it wasn't the sharpest move to register within the same setting.

@Lucytired Indeed. Late diagnosed here as my kids were diagnosed in their teens and I’d not picked up on anything being wrong because their issues and behaviours were my normal.

I had huge issues navigating workplace and PTA relationships though and the realisation that I was ND and had navigated things poorly [ok, was capable of being a dick without meaning to be… I thought I was being honest and logical] due to my ND was eye opening. I would just as easily have put the candle from last year’s SS into the next year’s raffle on the assumption that it was a lovely gift but not one I’d had any use for, so thought someone else would enjoy it [ie., so no social/political judgment, just not wanting a lovely gift to go to waste] without understanding that the person who bought it had gone to a lot of effort to get it specifically for me and would be hurt.

30 years on and two SEN kids later (and a lot of bumps and bruises) I am much better at navigating this and anticipating it - and have tried to instil thoughtfulness in my kids so they are less battered!

It’s not an insult to enquire whether someone may be ND and need scaffolding in any specific social circumstance.

Everyone is being unreasonable here. You had to have known that regifting it in a way that the giver would be sure to know was tactless. But I would have just chalked it up to you being a bit impolite and moved on with my life. I do think she’s giving the situation more attention than it deserves.

I think she's petty but very clever.

She reports to the OP, she can play the "bullying" card very easily. Imagine reporting to someone like the OP 😂

I think you're underestimating the amount of importance some women place on gifting. Capitalism has somehow convinced them that gifts = caring and love. And if you get it wrong then they are justified in having mega hurt feelings. You only have to look at the countless threads on here of women expecting gifts of a high standard every Christmas. It's best just to opt out of all of it imo and leave the Christmas gifting games to those that enjoy it.

You need to accept that you made a mistake regifting it to the same group of people. However, she is overreacting and needs to get over it.

Only a fab idea if you clearly warn people in advance. Very rude and unkind otherwise.

Some people, and not the richest, value education far more than it deserved and are making a genuine gift. It's cultural. Other families have the kids picking a gift themselves and they're really proud of their efforts and card.

So if you think you are clever by telling a 6 year old their gift is "tat", you really are not.

The best teachers don't laugh at gifts calling them "tat".

It looks really mean to have done this. You should have given it to a charity shop or a different raffle.

But everyone knows because teachers frequently post on here they don't need another mug, they don't need wine then they don't drink, they don't want bath cubes from Poundland. Get a voucher by all means to let them choose but don't inundate them with landfill or complain if they regift what is and remains despite your protest "tat"

I looks like OP was trying to make a point.

Why are you having so much trouble seeing it from her point of view?

You are utterly lacking in any charitable or goodwill, what a grinch.

You are looking at it from a purely practical point of view which rather misses the point of gifts. Gifts are nothing to do with practicality. They are about making people feel good. What you did was rude.

This is a hilarious thread. I love that so many people are outraged that you refuse to enter the raffle but donated a prize.

I also think it’s top tier excuse-making for colleague to say seeing the candle listed means she can’t do her work. I wonder how she coped if her celebrity of choice got murdered or banished in the traitors. She probably needed a week off.

Anyway, serious face now: it was probably mildly insensitive to donate it to the same place where you were gifted it. But I say that only because I have come to realise some people are really that delicate to make it an issue. I would maybe say, at best, being slightly perturbed is proportionate. But it’s not worthy of even raising it to you, nevermind lamenting the candle’s future to the extent of not doing work.

I guess, based on my response, and the completely unhinged responses in this thread, I’m a cow too.

This. What were you thinking??

Aren’t you concerned that she will see this thread too? She has a habit of perusing things online and coming across stuff that get you into hot water. There’s a lot of identifying information here, no?

Regifting is fine but not when the person who gave it to you will see. I’d have been offended. It’s just thoughtless.

Cows of the world unite!

Donating it to the SAME PEOPLE is not perfectly normal.

Re-gifting something is fine, but you don't give it back to the giver or to someone else in front of them. That's rude.

Because hurting someone unnecessarily is always amusing, isn't it.

How can re-gifting a candle damage someone’s motivation?!

She'll probably need weeks off work with stress, anxiety or some other excuse based on this! It wasn't a good idea but to be honest I can't remember a year later what I put in a secret santa or raffle!

We once gave MIL a lovely shawl and gloves, a couple of years later when I hadn't taken a scarf and it was cold she said Have this, someone gave it to me and it's a really dull colour!, I'll never use it!

Agree. I think that's a bit of a shitty thing to do.

Love this. Hope you sued her for the cost of your therapy!