Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

All of the above.

OP, you are being disingenuous.

Clearly it isn't ok not to do her assigned tasks due to her hurt over your actions.

It's equally completely understandable that she feels upset at what you've done, and it's impacted her motivation, probably along with other personal issues / challenges she might have. She's letting you know that she's upset by what you have done.

While you aren't her manager, you are currently managing her work, and you have a responsibility to properly acknowledge the hurt you caused, and the opportunity to genuinely make amends.

Also, now that you have listed all the things that you don't like that others do (which include Love Island, East Enders etc), you do in fact sound insufferably snobbish and I find it hard to think this doesn't come across in spades to your colleagues.

They are being ott bringing it up in the meeting, but what you did was pretty insensitive.

It shows that you probably don't try to consider other people's feelings. It is well-kmown that it's rude to re-gift or give away presents right under the nose of the gifter. Try engaging your brain in the future, and maybe apologise?

Wax melts, and so does goodwill if it's not valued.

I would probably have made it an outdoor candle.

Recycling gifts is always risky.

You just need to ignore that and focus on her performance and getting it back up to scratch.

@WorkRaffle 's colleague is overly sensitive and a drama queen. Possibly workshy if she's angling for a reduction in productivity that she can blaim on OP's conduct.

OP, on the other hand, is very insensitive. It's a fatal combination.

Trying a bit too hard now to appeal to us commoners now with our low rent charity shops and shirty candles 😂

Unlike most people on here, OP, I lean towards your side on this (I think you were thoughtless but I think her level of ridiculousness outweighs it), but this kind of thing, though it shouldn't be irrelevant, won't win you admirers or support.

Edited to correct should to shouldn't. Ducking autocorrict.

Fair play for admitting it was a bad decision. I sympathised with your point that she shouldn’t claim it’s demotivated her, that’s a tad dramatic! However some people are very over sensitive and if you give them an inch they will take a mile. You have unwittingly fuelled the fire, another person maybe wouldn’t have cared or noticed. Don’t mess with the over sensitive!

It was a Secret Santa not a wedding gift. How did she know it was the exact same candle and not that you'd got one similar because you'd liked it and somebody else might like it?
If somebody re donated something I'd bought as a secret Santa I couldn't care less. what exactly is she demotivated about?

Which ones DO you burn, then? Because you said in your OP that you "love them".

you say 121, is she your boss? are you her boss? was the catch up between the two of you or was everyone there? Got to say, I wouldn't re-gift or donate back to where I got an item from because i think its a bit rude.

Ohhh! So I buy from several places as I shop about. But my hard and fast rules are :

100% soy wax
Cotton wick
Paraben Free
Phthalate Free.

So I use my local home fragrance shop on the high street, sometimes botanical candle co and a few others! I don’t use the big brand like Jo Malone, Pintail, Dipstick (or whatever it’s called), White Company etc.

I’ve also branched into wax melts at a recommendation from the Christmas thread on MN. Got some lovely ones that are soy wax, paraben free and phthalate free 😊

Why has she assumed that it was the one she gave you? Is it particularly exclusive/limited edition?

Why did you admit it was the same one, though? That said, I do think she is being ridiculous, Secret Santa gifts are generally tat. Maybe next year you can donate some cash to the local foodbank or another charity instead.

I won a candle in a raffle a couple of years ago and really don't want it and don't know what to do with it. It is sitting in my garage at the moment. It is a huge orange one. I bet it was a regift in the first place ;)

she just said it had effected her motivation as she didn’t feel valued! All very odd.

She asked me as she’d seen it on the catalogue that went out and I was so flummoxed she’d asked I didn’t lie!

@dynamiccactus I probably should have lied, but I was like a deer in headlights!

I'm not a fan of re-gifting and would never do it even well away from the gift giver so I like that you donated it to a raffle - I do that or give to charity shops routinely (rather than giving it as a gift to someone else) but would avoid doing it if I thought the gifter might see.

Was she right to raise it with you? It sounds as if you might be her boss - could she feel under valued in general and is using the gift raffle prize hurt as a way of signalling that to you? I wonder if you've been a bit careless with her previously and in more general ways e.g. not acknowledging efforts over and above? If you're equal colleagues, I'd just apologise and move on - her boss is in charge of whether she does her job.

Not you’re talking rubbish!!

*now

so petty and childish, sounds like you were sulking because you didn't get something you considered good enough.

For a whole year?

I wouldn't take my Big Orange Candle to a charity shop either. I can't imagine they would take it.

Disclaimer: I don't know if the OP's is Big or Orange.

One woman's rubbish is another woman's treasure? You're on the wind up, mate.

I think it’s really rude that you have done that, I’m all for regifting or recycling etc but you could have given it to a charity shop or a present to someone not from work. I don’t blame your colleague for being miffed, it’s the height of bad manners.

I am resisting the urge to make a rude joke!

It was small. And blue.

This is part of the issue. The Op has clearly thought “ cheap crap” by regifting it. It’s just rude to do it in front of the gift giver.

It could be worse, she could spend her whole working day posting on MN!!