Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

[Killat]

Post-budget, I’m feeling financially battered, sad, and to be honest, quite jealous and bitter. DH and I are hard workers with decent salaries but have barely anything left after the massive mortgage and nursery fees. It’s looking like we can’t afford a second child.

What little, cheap things pick you up? What have you read lately that makes you feel optimistic?

Nothing. Have a leak, can't afford to fix for a werk r so....

Why is your mortgage so massive? Have you over extended yourselves?

Who are you jealous of?
Which policies in the budget have affected you?

According to the news this morning the choices made in the budget means that a rate cut now looks more likely in December. Good for your mortgage?

It’s a very basic three-bed doer upper which hasn’t been remodelled since the 90s, which we now can’t afford to do up. Can’t have smaller as my husband has children from his previous marriage, which is my only financial “mistake.” It’s £1800 a month and £1400 of that is interest.

Switch to a 35 year mortgage while you paying childcare

The problem here is that your husband already has children.

Nursery years are notoriously tough. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks, this is a good suggestion. It pains me to do it but it might make life more tolerable in the short term.

We took out our mortgage in the aftermath of Liz Truss so it’s stupidly high, but should go down next year (I hope).

Can you afford it if you really tighten your belts? It's only a few years of nursery fees.

But if you got pregnant say in the new year, then you get a year maternity, when you won't need the older one's nursery fees, then they go to school and you are left with one full time nursery fees again, in the mean time you have a bit of time to look at mortgage, perhaps extend for x5 years to bring monthly cost down, interest rates look to be at least holding if not looking a coming down a little bit.

Plus assuming being hard workers, there will be pay rises etc.

I know, but we can’t send them back. Maintenance is £500 a month but they cost far more in housing, clothing, uniform, and everything they need when they’re here. I find it very hard not to be bitter about the fact that his ex (she has four kids) has a much better lifestyle than us despite working two days a week.

When we met, DH was on a much higher salary but he lost his job during Covid and has never got back to where he was, not through lack of trying.

I’d like to but DH is less keen. He had agreed we’d have two but now we have nothing left at the end of the month, he has changed his mind.

We switched to interest only while the DC were young and then switched back.

True. I just think it is a bit strange to feel bitter about not being able to have that many kids between you? If I have read you right, he has 4 already and you want a second, so 6 in all? Even on a high salary that's too many

Nowhere in the world are people with thst many kids not financially battered unless they are the Beckhams!

Ah, right. Where I live that wouldn’t qualify as massive, but I appreciate these things are all relative.

I don’t think anyone was suggesting you send them back
Just pointing out that your dh already has five kids.
Five kids that he’s struggling to support.

Sorry I meant to say 5 already.

No, he has two already, we share one, so we have three between us.

His ex has four, she has two more with her new partner.

When we met, I was happy to have SC, but I always wanted two of my own. SC are older now and close in age and we don’t see them as much because their mum’s is closer to their mates, so they’re more like young aunts to DC than siblings.

Oh, right, so it’s actually three children, not five.
Three children that he struggles to support.
That’s even worse.

I’m not trying to belittle OPs situation but I don’t think on paper you can ever afford children but somehow when they arrive you just manage, many children are not planned and families still survive. With a second you will already have all the baby stuff so there’s not as much upfront costs

Don’t deprive yourself of a second child and regret it later

Ok, he has 3 kids already and you want to add another. 4 is still a lot in this day and age. I think with blended families you have to compromise really. Because most of us can't afford more than two even in an unblended family. Most people I know in London only have one!

What a bizarre take on it.
Children aren’t accessories, they shouldn't be deliberately brought into less than ideal circumstances because the parents didn’t want to be deprived.

I know. All my friends are sticking at two. It just feels really painful that his ex can afford more and we can’t.

I’m dropping a day at work from next month, because despite it being a 13k loss, we’re only £150 worse off due to nursery. I know that nerf to just focus on DC. But I still feel really sad.

Going for a run or walk always perks me up and it’s free!