Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

[Killat]

Post-budget, I’m feeling financially battered, sad, and to be honest, quite jealous and bitter. DH and I are hard workers with decent salaries but have barely anything left after the massive mortgage and nursery fees. It’s looking like we can’t afford a second child.

What little, cheap things pick you up? What have you read lately that makes you feel optimistic?

That ratio will change in time, but you know that. You’re at the sharp end right now, with nursery payments and the house still to do. At this stage it’s very much the long game. In a few years you won’t have nursery fees and you the house will come together nicely. This is the hard bit, you will get there.

My rent is 1750 and none of it is paying off any capital! I know you’re not living the life of luxury, but try to see that longer term you’ll own a house! I will never own a house and am renting this on one salary. I’m not playing my violin. I do get UC as well to help with the cost. I have an MSc. I work hard. I would have hoped things would have worked out better than this. I am comfortable but careful with every penny. I can afford a weeks holiday once every two years. I can afford a take away once a month. But my car is 14 years old and I live in fear of it giving up as I can’t replace it. And I definitely can’t afford a private dentist so my teeth are buggered as there’s no NHs ones near me. My parents had such a different quality of life! My mum retired when she was only 3 years older than I am now. I shall likely work until I’m 70 and then have nothing to show for it.

No relief, really. I had hoped the tax band thresholds would be unfrozen.

DH’s ex crowing on FB about getting more UC has upset me; I have hidden her. My two best friends each had sizable inheritances and are happily TTC their seconds and planning holidays. My mum, in the three-bed council house she lives in alone, is offering me her old kitchen because the council are replacing it and ours is fifteen years older than hers.

It’s all “comparison is the thief of joy” stuff and I need to focus on us having our health and my one, wonderful DC. But it is hard sometimes.

Thanks so much to everyone who’s posted suggestions. It really is the little things.

Well that's a big part of your problem. Why is it so high?

How has the budget impacted on you?

It sounds like we are in quite similar positions. I’m not trying to play my tiny violin either and know I have things to be grateful for. It’s just not how I hoped life would work out when I was in my teens or twenties.

Supermarket Flowers
Home-made bread
Board games

That poor people are producing too many kids is a batshit reason to urge middle class people to produce more than they can afford!! Come on!

I already said this, because we took it out in the aftermath of Liz Truss and this is what we were offered. I was switching in my previous (smaller) mortgage which was on a much lower rate so it didn’t make it cheaper to change provider.

It should go down a bit next year.

She says she cant afford a second child

I’d definitely do this and overpay in years where you can afford to pay it sooner, even if that is not until the kids are older.

Probably not an insane amount. Interest is front loaded on mortgages and loans.

You’ve obviously lived a more affluent life than me. It’s no wonder the birth rate is low nowadays

6 dc is a lot.

Why have you posted that you are feeling financially battered after the budget when you are in the same position you were before the budget?

I don't mean this unkindly- this isn't to do with Rachel Reeves, but more so the specific choices/situation you have made/are in. Getting rid of the two child limit will surely help anyway. And yes, it is hardest during nursery years.

How precisely has the budget made you worse off? You need to stop comparing yourself to his ex - having four kids by two different dads and being on benefits doesn’t exactly sound very enviable anyway.

I do not buy things to make myself feel better - as long as I have a roof and food I consider myself in a good position. But I don’t get joy from spending - I get joy from friends and family

nursery fees yes are expensive but also - for most people at least - short term and sometimes life is tough - you are not entitled to anything beyond the basics. You can’t just expect to have whatever you what. Even if you earn a lot you already have a lot ( 6 kids ?!?)

"We can't send them back" is such an odd choice of words. It makes it sound as though you (and their father) wish you could.

I feel for the OP. Sounds like she's followed the script we were given in the 90s/00s - study, work hard, be independent and you'll have a good life!

Only these days it turns out "a good life" looks quite different to that of our parents. And "working hard" doesn't always necessarily pay.

She doesn't sound bitter to me, just a bit sad and resigned. I think that is fair - on the whole we now have smaller houses and families than we came from, and not always by choice. Added to this, she has her DHs ex partner seemingly not struggling with the exact things that the OP is: working hours, finances, having more children. Surely she's only human to find that a bit confronting. I think you were wise to block her OP!

Having said that, and I really do think all your feelings are very understandable - too much brooding on them really does only hurt you. There are many positives about a one child family, not least your own time/energy even happiness - I've read that one child makes mothers happier but there is no further increase for more!!

And while your financial situation may not be where you'd like it to be, one child will allow you to do a lot more with your child and be free of nursery etc fees sooner.

I really wouldn’t be envious of your friends being able to afford TTC due to inheritance, they would likely prefer their family member back.

My ex husband paid the mortgage off with his dad’s inheritance, he’d have preferred his dad alive.

This!

OP, I completely appreciate how stretched you feel, but it’s nothing to do with the budget and everything to do with your DP losing his better paid job, nursery fees and £500 a month in maintenance.

I’m not sure how old your DC is, but could you switch to a pre school with far cheaper fees / free? Appreciate though the hours may not work depending on your jobs!

As for cheap things, I like a cheap face mask, a hot choc and a movie for a little pick me up!

But you do already have 3 DCs between you, that it a lot and many people can’t afford 4. The problem isn’t that with the budget you now can’t afford 2 DCs, you can’t afford more than the 3 you already have. We have a reasonable household income, and our mortgage costs are lower than yours and we could afford 4 DCs, or even 3 really.

Are you fixed on your mortgage? Look for a new rate and extended the mortgage through nursery years? Thats what we have had to do

Does your mum help with childcare? Can you knock a day off nursery with her help?