Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

[Killat]

Post-budget, I’m feeling financially battered, sad, and to be honest, quite jealous and bitter. DH and I are hard workers with decent salaries but have barely anything left after the massive mortgage and nursery fees. It’s looking like we can’t afford a second child.

What little, cheap things pick you up? What have you read lately that makes you feel optimistic?

It's not that. It's the huge mortgage!

It’s hard when childcare costs so much of your wages - it’s not forever thankfully. It is also hard you may not get to have baby 2 - but at least your LO does have a couple of siblings :)

Unfortunately SC are already going that way, they have no ambition, don’t see the point in higher or further education and plan to drop out as soon as they can. They are both baffled by how it can be that we both work full time yet never have any money yet don’t have money for things like holidays or me getting my nails done, and honestly, it’s hard to explain. They’re stuck between two completely different value systems, and unsurprisingly, prefer the one that looks easier.

I hope my DC does grow up to have a work ethic, but I also hope society has changed to reward that by the time DC is an adult.

Yes, we are struggling so much month to month and our second pregnancy was twins who are now 5 months. I keep thinking of how we need to extend our house or move, how we will afford the nursery fees, how we will support three through uni potentially in future

Remember the amount that is interest shrinks as time goes on and the amount related grows. It will get better.

I’m guessing one if you earns over £100K. Do you not do salary sacrifice by putting extra money into your pension? It’s sensible to from a retirement perspective anyway and then you’ll be eligible for funded childcare.

Do have another child if you want to. You’ll make it work. In the long run you will be full of resentment if you don’t.

No we don’t, I’m on 65k FTE and DH is on 50k. We get tax-free childcare which brought our bill down from £1250 a month to £800 which was great.

I struggled to conceive our first so time is not on my side with trying again. I would dearly love another but have to think about how we’d get through those first years. As PP suggested I may be able to extend the mortgage which may help.

You chose to have a massive mortgage, so you made your bed..

Rent would be comparable in this area, for a similar house.

I wouldn’t! We bought a second hand EV for pennies due to how rapidly they depreciate.

I would say it’s cut my fuel bill down from close to £200 to about £40. PPM isn’t going to come close to that!

If you really want another child, go for it.
You'll find a way and you'll be much happier for it.
I promise you, you'll manage somehow so don't delay.
My 2nd has been such a blessing and I'm so grateful to have him.

Is there a reason to be a bitch when someone is just after a bit of support?
Op has explained why her mortgage is high not that she had to.
This budget has brought out all the judgemental nasty fuckers.

As a family, you already have 3 DC.

I have a friend who’s a musician, as is her husband. She said to me ‘It’s always going to be a bit fly by the seat if our pants. If we waited until conditions were perfect we’d never have children, so we’re just going to get on with it.’ I think there’s a lot of sense in that. I’ve always lived cautiously and prudently. I now look back and think we should have been a little less risk averse and enjoyed the odd extravagance or had an extra child or bought a bigger house. You must decide what’s right for you, but maybe letting nature take its course, so that an extra child might or might not appear, but not actually trying, is the right approach.

One thing I’ve started doing is paid surveys. They add up very fast if you can designate a decent chunk of time to them of an evening. I’m using them to slowly pay off debts. My goal is to make enough each month to cover my loan repayments (initially), with the extra in my pay each month going to extra repayments

You think it's that easy?

1. You can't just leave your job unless you have a small baby or toddler otherwise UC will sanction you.

And 2. You do realise there's an overall benefit cap? Working families on lower income are the ones who will benefit from the removal of the 2 child limit.However, as an unemployed person, you can't get more than a certain amount, rent amd 2 kids I think. So there you go, you cannot sit around and just have kids, you gotta work

£1800 a month? Jesus Christ

@sunshinestar1986

i played around with the entitled to calculator yesterday, I’d be better off leaving my job working minimum wage and getting topped up my benefits.

By my calculations I could get fired take a minimum wage job, work for 26 weeks enough to get maternity leave and then have another baby, followed by another one 12-18 months after that

Of course I’d have 4 kids to feed (being responsible I stopped at 2 as that is what we could afford) but it seems unfair to me that I’d be better off on benefits with 4 kids than I am working my socks off and not being able to afford to live with 2

Im sorry you're having a crappy day.
I sympathise with you, we have worked our way up into well paying jobs more than I would have dreamed of as a child but our day to day life looks no different to others who earn less.
What I would say though is if you both really want a child you will absolutely make it work.
And I know this sounds terrible but have a play with the benefit calculator and work out what income versus benefits would look like if you reduced your hours while the baby is little or like other say extend the mortgage or lower your pension contributions for a couple of years.

I mean you already had a mortgage you couldn't afford before the budget so what's that got to do with it?

You married a man who already had children so that would of course effect how many more children you could have. Again nothing to do with the budget.

These are just decisions you have made.

I know it's not quite what you asked but take the time to go through all your outgoings. Check mobile phone, sky, subscriptions etc. it's easy for these to ramp up and you can often save a bit for ringing round. £30 a month saved is a treat instead.

In terms of spending, I know some people like the little treats but I find the opposite approach better. No spending on a bottle of juice, coffee, sandwich etc out - or at least not the kind where you just need something because it's lunchtime and you're out rather than go specifically for the experience. I always take picnics etc because I'd rather have £60 for a proper day out that feels like a treat rather than spend £15 four times over on just feeding us because I didn't plan ahead. It is frightening how quickly a few snacks and drinks add up.

I take a good thermos mug because park with a cup of tea is always nicer.

Look in your banking app at how you spend your money.

Remember you can apply to remortgage six months before yours comes to an end so lock in an offer then and you can monitor to see how things change before in the months in between to ensure you get the best deal.

OP I get it, you are disappointed because you have a plan but are unable to manage that and maintain your current lifestyle.

Exponential growth of wealth was always going to be short lived, i.e. the expectations that the boomers have, sadly.

You sound like you have a good life at the moment, and you can manage. If you chose to have a second child, you would manage that too but it would be hard for a couple of years. The person you are comparing yourself too, has no financial secuirty as one of the problems with benefits is you can't build wealth like you are with your mortgage.

There is a really good article that was written a while ago that I can't find now about a fictious Lucy who is miserable because she is comparing herself to the lives that other people are projecting.

Do you earn over £100k? If not surely you’ll get free nursery hours?

Also don’t drop your days at work then complain about being hard up. Nursery fees should be split by you and DH, and carrying on working/working more improves your pension, your pay and your position in the labour market.

Agree with PP - extend your mortgage term; you can always reduce it later. I’m no fan of this Govt, but your DH’s decision re number of kids is not their fault and you have levers you can pull.

Please remind us how many children you CHOSE to have

We do get free hours; that’s why it’s £800 a month instead of £1250. When I drop a day it’ll be £500 a month. Overall by dropping a day I’ll drop my salary by 13k but we’ll only be £150 a month worse off, and having that day will be magical for me and DC.

Will definitely be extending the mortgage.

I thought Halloween was over. Seemingly not!
Some posters on this site appear to be devoid of a heart, empathy and just delight in twisting a knife. Just remember next time you're going through a tough time to suck it up as you know it's all your choice what happens to you!
Very best wishes to you OP and I hope you find lots to smile about soon. You sound like a lovely honest and open person.