Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

[Killat]

Post-budget, I’m feeling financially battered, sad, and to be honest, quite jealous and bitter. DH and I are hard workers with decent salaries but have barely anything left after the massive mortgage and nursery fees. It’s looking like we can’t afford a second child.

What little, cheap things pick you up? What have you read lately that makes you feel optimistic?

It eould appear the OP's and her husband have a child they "can't afford".

Einstein has entered the room!

Your posts are really very nasty.
Ironic, really, you having a go at others for not being nice enough.

What goes around comes around.

So it’s on it’s way round to you, then.
Good.

I know someone who was on a good wage,one child with ex,then went on to have two children with new wife,different job didn't pay aswell ,the child maintenance was revised and didn't have to pay no where near as much, as mothers situation was good..and another that revise didnt pay anything,as had children alot.i...f I was you,I would go ahead with having your second child like you have always wanted,a sibling close in age,always living there,which is totally understandable.it will work itself out...I know some people will disagree. F... em!

There are so many of these posts. You have a joint household income of £115k a year. I don’t really know what else to say really. I’m so so tired of this total total bullshit from people who are in the top percentage of income earners and want people to feel sorry for them. You genuinely think that your husband’s ex has it better than your joint six figure income on universal credit? Fuck off to the far side of fuck. Absolutely unbelievable.

Don’t despair!
you can also have your mortgage as interest only temporarily or mix of repayment and interest only (you need a broker though), this also lowers monthly payments.
childcare cost is finite!
you might still have a second child
are you entitled to free hours or any of you hitting the dreaded 100k threshold?
any chance you both can increase your earnings?

Just been on a thread where half the people think it's fine that kids should be in poverty because "people shouldn't have kids they can't afford".

Now on this thread someone is being urged to add a fourth child to the family and just "worry about it later."

Yet another thread full of depressing, vile comments “popping out kids”” go and look at council estate to see what you’re funding” the idea that only the well off are hardworking… a truly depressing day on Mumsnet.

You are an idiot because you have no idea how eye wateringly expensive childcare costs are nowadays and mortgages taken out during Liz Truss time

I hear you OP we feel the same. Every tiny pay rise gets eaten up by extra costs. On paper good salaries but they go nowhere, and I’m fed up with being told we should just be grateful and happy to be able to subsidise everyone else.

That’s quite a big financial mistake though.

One of my friends who is not too well off , kept a blog just for herself with photos and all the cute things her kids have said and done. These little memories provide her with a huge amount of satisfaction and nostalgia 18 years later!

just an idea bf or you.

Given that rent would have been the same I don’t know what you’d have done better? Not had our shared child? Refused overnights for the older two or put them on the sofa?

That’s really nice, thank you!

Not had the shared child, probably.

It’s a hell of a sacrifice to make, when your partner already has 2, but if the 3rd is the financial tipping point then that’s probably the only way you could have saved money.

No child, no nursery costs, etc.

Nobody would expect anyone to make that sacrifice, and certainly not easily, but it’s the most obvious way of saving money in hindsight.

A lot of men wouldn’t have wanted any more if they already had huge outgoings for their existing 2.

So between you, take home is about £7k a month as far as I can make out? So how much has the budget actually cost you?

She said it’s 800 a month and her mortgage is 1800. So yeah I do know how much she pays. They will be bringing in about 7000 a month after tax so excuse me while my heart bleeds about their struggles. I just went on an online calculator and their income is higher than 93% of the population.

Shows how much these things vary. I'm 😱 when people talk on here about their "affordable" £700 mortgage. That's massive and completely out of the question to me. You can still get houses for under £100k here if you're not picky (or can't afford more).

So where do you stop?

Does a person who doesn't have children get a tax break so they don't pay towards schools, child allowance, nursery fees?
Does someone who has private medical insurance or never uses the NHS ask for a rebate because they're not sick?
Someone who's lucky not to have been born disabled, nope, nothing towards them being able to eat or keep warm from you, thankyou very much.
Never been born into a family in poverty, or lost your job and ended up homeless or in social housing? Wonderful, lucky you.
Never been arrested, needed the police or needed someone to be sent to prison, should you not pay anything towards legal aid or prisons?

Etc.

Extra costs? Have a go at the greedy companies who control your utilities, who price your fuel, your food and make massive profits.. They have far greater an impact on your bills that small tax rises that benefit all.

Am getting a little tired of people going on about subsidising everyone else. A functioning society where everything works benefits everyone. How we look after our elderly, our sick and our vulnerable is a mark of society too.

I really don't get the universal credit envy either. It's a minimal no frills lifestyle. I'd love to shoulder the burden of having a six figure salary for a while and let some of these very well off people try rummaging in yellow sticker sections at the supermarket, being hounded by the DWP, and lectured about their "choices" by smug so and sos who think they know best.

It’s so ridiculous and I question whether some of the posts are genuine. As the OP says the ex has a partner, they must both be on low incomes to be entitled to any UC at all and the idea that they’re rolling in it while the OP and her husband with their mere 7k a month are living hand to mouth. If it’s so great to be on benefits, quit your jobs and go on benefits and see precisely how lucrative it is.

I would just have another kid. I realise this is a bold statement on Mumsnet, but having a sibling growing up alongside you is wonderful. I didn’t have that, and my kids do, and it’s so lovely. They share a room, and we just about get by financially, but it’s totally worth it.

I think you should look at some sensible budget analysis (eg Martin Lewis' podcast is accessible) because there's nothing for you to feel so bleak about!

You will save money on your energy bills from next year, you will get breakfast club when your child starts school, interest rates are coming down so your mortgage should get cheaper. Minimum wage is going up so you may find your pay goes up.

The changes to ISAs don't affect you as you aren't saving over £12k a year. The changes to salary sacrifice probably aren't going to affect you as you probably aren't making big pension contributions.

Tax thresholds were frozen until 2028 and this has extended to 2030. I know fiscal drag is an issue but equally income tax isn't going up and you are no worse off now.