Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

[Killat]

Post-budget, I’m feeling financially battered, sad, and to be honest, quite jealous and bitter. DH and I are hard workers with decent salaries but have barely anything left after the massive mortgage and nursery fees. It’s looking like we can’t afford a second child.

What little, cheap things pick you up? What have you read lately that makes you feel optimistic?

When I'm really fed up, I walk to our local garden centre and wander about amongst the plants for a while. Always makes me feel a bit better.

Sounds as though he’s already produced well over replacement rate and as many as he can afford to support.

Those are the breaks when one chooses to be with a man who already has a family.

Your mutual child will be better off as an only. More attention, more opportunities.

Terribly irresponsible advice.

What on earth is your interest rate to be paying that much in interest?

Cheap things that perk me up
Amazon book deals for 99p (Kindle)
Walk in the countryside
An Octopus free energy hour
Cup of tea in bead before getting up
Smell of freshly washed bedding
Meeting a friendly cat in the street
A good series on Netflix- we only have the £5/month membership

And also, how has the budget affected your income?

Things that cheer me up that are cheap:

walking
swimming (preferably in the sea)
watching Netflix in bed on my laptop
a bath
baking and eating bread
meeting up with a friend for a walk
having a really good clear out/ tidy (bonus if you find stuff you can sell on Vinted)

Why bizarre. I didn’t in anyway suggest that children are accessories. I ended up a single parent bringing up 2 children alone with no maintenance. Things were tight but my children were loved, cared for and wanted for nothing that they actually needed. But if you’d asked me beforehand if I could bring up 2 children on one wage I would have said definitely not. I just budgeted well and made do with essentials like most families do

Agree...

Odd isn’t it how such a simple thing can lift your spirits.
And if you can keep your purse in your bag it's totally free.

I don't think being able to "survive" with another child is something to aspire to. Especially if there are already 3 children in the family who will inevitably suffer.

of course on paper it's possible to afford children. Most responsible parents do the sums first, not choose to have a child and then "manage".

Good idea! I am a runner but have been staying in during the bad weather. I think that’d help.

I don’t think that’s a massive mortgage. Where in the country are you? My son pays £1,200 a month repayments on a 1 bed flat London Borough

Tidying a drawer or cupboard lifts my mood as it gives me a small sense of achievement. Appreciate that is not for everyone and probably makes me sound like a bit of a loser.

OP which changes will affect you? Or do you mean that the budget provided no relief for people like you?

I will pay an extra £7 NI from 2029. That is the only change for me.

We are expecting #2 despite also struggling with the mortgage and childcare. We have projected out until they are both out of nursery and can just about juggle it if DC1 comes out of nursery on my mat leave. They will have to share a room but it's not like we will be unable to feed them.

I would say it depends on whether you are looking at a few tight nursery years, or you genuinely won't be able to afford them after that crunch?

But you are not alone OP, young families with big recently taken out mortgages and childcare costs are really, really hammered :)

I think it's nursery fees that are the killer. People are suddenly paying the price of a second mortgage for those few years (possibly more if you have 2 kids in nursery).

I actually agree with the poster who said it's a shame to deprive yourself of a second child, if you can afford it in the long run (it's just figuring out how to make the nursery years work).

Because op and her dh are currently doing that, with three children, and are still coming up short.

What happened in the budget to make you feel worse?

When we bought our house in 1985 interest rates were 15% and after paying mortgage, all bills and food, we were left with £10 each week. It took 5 years before we could even think about having our first DC and another 4 years until we could afford a second. I would have liked 3 DC, but the cost between 2 and 3 was beyond us.

There has been another u turn which made me smile.

The nursery fee years were so painful financially and that’s back before the cost of living crisis! It gets better but as a SM to two DSC we stopped at me having DD as the move to 4 kids from 3 felt like it would have cost lots.
I know it’s hard but try and get outside with your little one, enjoy the changing seasons, appreciate what you have now. No point wasting years being bitter, take it from an “old” lady who has been there! Snuggle up with a book with DC, have a dance in the kitchen. It sounds trite and annoying, sorry, but these years go so fast and are more pleasurable if you are grateful for the little moments than wishing things were different.

This depends on the definition of "suffer" (are we saying they may have to share a room and wear a few hand-me-downs, or that they will have no shoes, coats, hot meals etc?)

Personally I think it's really bad for society if responsible working couples "responsibly" decide not to have [more] kids because the nursery years are really horrible financially. I think this is clearly happening - overall they can afford children but during the actual active reproductive years it is a struggle so they don't.

Look at lowest income decile vs highest income decile family sizes - I don't think this is a clear cut "your children will starve if you keep reproducing". Usually it's that they might need to make some lifestyle sacrifices.

It depends on the details of OP's life but I think there is too much messaging of "don't have kids unless you can super comfortably afford them!!!" which is not heard by the people who should hear it, but which really worries normal responsible people.

I don't understand the connection with the budget? Your financial situation seems to be down to DH's bad luck with work since covid and your combined number of kids.

I don't understand the connection with the budget? Your financial situation seems to be down to DH's bad luck with work since covid and your combined number of kids.

Part of it is at 5.89%…