Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

Your poor child.
Unless your partner can change his attitude to your son I think your relationship should end.
Your son shouldn't be growing up in a home where he is clearly resented.

No he was not vocal about it until after our shared child was born. He was very much a doting step dad prior to us having a child together. They were very close and I had no concerns at all about their relationship until literally as soon as the baby was born and my partners attitude changed

Just end it. Don't put your eldest DS through living with someone who resents him, it will really damage him.

@Happymum1782 at the very least your eldest needs protection from this
man.

You've said

"He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son",
and your response is?

"my son has picked up on the vibe from his step dad"
he is not his step dad, he is your partner.

"He says I’m being toxic"
he needs a mirror!

Please, think about your boy, he is only 5 years old.

Your priorities are all wrong here. Your focus shouldn’t be on whether your unpleasant partner has to look after your son or not, but on the effect on your five year old of living with an adult who resents his presence and continually snaps at him. This isn’t ok.

You really picked some great men to have children with op. You need to put your children first now.

Grow a backbone and stick up for your son, I can’t believe you would tolerate this for one second never mind repeatedly. He’s a little boy and your partner is behaving like a big spoilt brat, do the right thing and protect your child.

Get rid of this horrible bully of a man Op. For your son’s sake please!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

That was two years ago, but you’re still with him and allowing your son to be damaged by him.

What an utterly disgusting and horrible man your partner is. How can you bear to be near him when he is so vindictive and cruel to your child.

You should choose your son over your partner and end the relationship. Your son deserves to be in a home where he is treated with kindness and love.

I grew up in a household where a step parent figure regularly made it clear that my presence was not wanted it is fucking damaging. Kids are so much more aware of these things than we give them credit for. It is awful what he is saying about your little boy. Please look out for your sons best interests because he will find it difficult to forgive you in the future if you keep this man in his life.

If nothing else doesn’t it give you the ick that he would treat and speak about a five year old in such a way ? You actually sound like a lovely person and I understand your reluctance to have another baby and another failed relationship but you have to end this relationship unless you want to completely destroy your child and his self worth and esteem. This guy is the worst of the worst , jealous, toxic , selfish .. the list is endless and it is a well known fact abusive men don’t show their true colours until they have you trapped .. a new baby takes care of that

A new baby can reveal someone's true colours. You can see who he is: a bullying, vicious, abusive prick.

He cannot be trusted around your little boy. How can you possibly continue in this relationship?

You MUST put your son first.

I'm sorry for you OP as I imagine this man is controlling and unpleasant in other ways.

Your son is your child and can and should always be with you if needed - please get help to leave this man.

I would NEVER pair up with anyone with dependants in the past, but this bastard
is abhorrent. Presumably he knew you had
a young kid. Hope the fu*king is worth it. 🤢

You need to protect your son - you need to findout WTF his problem is with your child - you need to tell him to get his act together or he can GO.

He says I’m being toxic for getting upset and that I am showing favouritism towards my older son

Classic controlling / abusive / DARVO behaviour. Blaming and gaslighting you.

OP, I dare say the responses you are getting are shocking to you. You have (perhaps understandably) reacted defensively to a few posts.

Please be assured that as posters we are on your side. On your side in being deeply concerned about the issues you raise in your OP. But we have the benefit of not being gaslit, or the complexity of bringing a mother to your shared child. Things like good make it harder to see the clear picture.

But hopefully you will reflect with an open mind on what posters are saying.

It isn’t easy, with 2 small children to care for, but it is important.

Your correct response was to show him the door .....

I didn't think it could get any worse but it has. Of course your son will know things have changed. How devastating and confusing for him.

This!

Fair enough but that is not how he is behaving now. He has changed since your second child was born. That honeymoon period you experienced is now over, you are in a different reality and he is now contemptuous towards a very young child. You know you have to leave him? Don’t you?

This will never get better. He is jealous and resentful of a 5 year old. That kind of man will never change, and the only way it will go from here is that he might step up to physically abusing your DS.

He needs to leave. He is abusing your little boy and you are just letting him. If you won’t leave him, let your DS go to live with his Dad full-time as at least he will be safe there. You are not being a good mother to either of your children by allowing this man to stay in their home.

Says it all really.

I feel sosorry for ypur son - he will be only too aware that he is an inconvenience and 'less than' your shared child.

I’ve read your responses and it is not normal at all for step parents to resent there step children once they have there own children.
This man is openly telling you he doesn’t want your son around.
You must be able to see that you can’t stay with this man. I would be getting my ducks in a row and I’d be done.
For your son’s sake you have to leave him and whatever you do never leave him alone with your boy.