Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

My dd is 5 and she's plenty old enough to know if she was unwanted (she isn't, we're all so pleased when she's back from school).

Your poor unwanted boy. This is heartbreaking to read.

If you can't or won't leave your horrible partner, please let your son live full time with his Dad. Every child deserves to be welcome in their own home.

Sorry that is untrue. I split with my ex during the pregnancy so we had already split when my older son was born. My partner has been in his life since he was 1. We had been friends for many years prior to us getting into a relationship and have a lot of mutual friends from childhood. So this is not a case of rushing into having a baby with a stranger after just splitting with my first child’s dad

Oh come on! This twat and your little boy 'were incredibly close'? Seriously? So presumably you introduced this twat into your son's life almost straight away in order for them to develop this 'close bond'? A grown man you barely knew? And then you're pregnant by him so quickly too?

Sounds like you barely knew your partner, but hey, gotta have a bloke in your life, right? And frankly it sounds like you don't actually really know your partner now.

Your poor, poor little boy. He deserves so much better than this. A better Mummy. A better family. A better life.

Christ he’s a charmer isn’t he? Resentful of a 5 year old????? Resentful you want time that isn’t school runs, cooking, bathing, bedtime etc???
I would not tolerate him. He would be binned and then see less of his baby.

That would without question be the end of the relationship for me. Your “partner” is rotten. Put your son first.

And what would these mutual friends say if you told them he treats your son like shit?

Oh Dear @Happymum1782 . I'm sad to read you have had a child with this man. Sorry but it's a huge mistake you've made. Get rid of him!

Your Son and baby deserve better.

Don't leave this man alone with your son

Your partner is an utter arsehole
I hate him
as I hate all people who are abusive to others
he is abusive as he is resentful of a 5 year olds existence
this isn’t going to improve
this will impact on your sons self esteem
his relationship with his mum
and the partner says you are the problem ! / toxic !! You aren’t to win here - he’s fucked you and your son over ….

Never mind excusing the mistakes you made to get to this place... what are you going to do now you know what your partner is like??

Surely your only options are

1. Leave this man and take better care of your son
2. Let your ex have full custody of your son.

I also, like a pp, hate to think of your poor 3yo looking forward to the end of the long nursery day only to come home to this grumpy stepdad who hates him.

This is just horrible, like something out of an exaggerated children's story

Ok I am going for the hyperbolic and brutal reply...

If you stay with this man you are a terrible mother, it is as simple as that.

You need to choose your son or your husband (there should only be one very obvious and very fast answer) but you cant have both without your son suffering.

Your poor child does not deserve to be hated by this man.
How can you stay with someone like this??

WTF is wrong with you? You are an adult, behave like one and protect that tiny child.

Also absolutely no way did your toddler say your prick of a partner was his best friend. You can make up as much nonsense as you like to justify your crappy choices but the bottom line is you are failing to protect a defenceless child.

Why the fuck have you stayed with a man who hates your FIVE YEAR OLD son. Jesus Christ.

OP, this is really bad.

This will only get worse as your Ds gets older, and will cause him untold damage.

The resentment of stepfathers towards another man’s son, another male in the household, another child taking ‘their’ woman’s attention is responsible for much of the street homelessness amongst teen boys. I know, I used to work with them. OK, thank goodness your little boy seems to have a loving Dad of his own, but your current partner will do all he can to drive your child out. He is already doing his best.

How can you love him?

Imagine life for your little boy. And for you, as you watch this man denigrate, resent and bully your child.

It is bad enough that your exe’s situation has kept you from close quality time with your tiny child. Do not let another man destroy your relationship as his mother entirely.

Your ex lives close now. Go for every other weekend! Your little boy needs you.

Dear oh dear.

Please act quickly and decisively.

If he's been in your child's life since he was 1, then it's unlikely he's suddenly become resentful of your son. I would find this unforgivable - as a lone mother (not that I'm dating) my son comes as a package deal with me. How a man treats my son would probably be more important to me than how he treats me. Your son is his step son and this is how he speaks about him? And you let him?

His behaviour is disgusting. I'd be having a very clear come to Jesus talk with him and the next time it happened the relationship would be over.

If this is real then there really isn't any way of salvaging this OP. Your son is so young and it will damage him beyond belief to spend half his life in a family unit in which he's treated with such obvious contempt. You really need to leave this dickhead and concentrate on raising your children. I can't believe that you need that spelling out tbh.

Ok, and that's as may be - and I'm not going to pile on with nastiness - but you have to deal with the existing situation which is that you have to look out for your son and change this situation RIGHT NOW. Which I expect means leaving immediately as I doubt you can change this attitude of your boyfriend.

Please listen to wiser women than me who've posted above - they are telling you what you need to hear in order to protect your boy.

Oh ffs. Your poor son.

How in the name of God can you stay with someone who feels that way about your little boy?

As a pp said, you MUST kick him out and put your son first. Failing that, let your little boy live with his DF full time. He WILL know that he is not wanted. If your P acts like this in front of you, it's chilling to think how he might act towards your vulnerable little boy if they're ever alone.

Your P has laid it on the line. He resents your DS. You have to act with the knowledge you have and not waste any more time wishing things were different.

Not a stranger, but evidently someone you didn't know well enough to accurately judge their character. You were pregnant with his baby within 18 months of starting a relationship? That's too soon when you have another child to consider.

In which case you are a terrible judge of character, clearly.

You need to put your little boy First. Last. Always That's what a decent parent does. The fact that you're trying to excuse, second guess and justify such appalling behaviour from your partner shows exactly what type of parent you are. Sadly.

But you had a child with someone who was persistently vocal about his resentment of your son.

I don’t. As I’ve said he now does very very little with my son and certainly doesn’t do anything with him on his own. He says he finds his age difficult to cope with. If for any reason I need childcare for my son I always arrange for either his dad or my parents to have him. I never ever expect my partner to look after him on his own which is why I find his comments about it ruining his weekend and him having to entertain my son a bit of a joke because he doesn’t do anything with him ever

How awful for your son knowing that your partner doesn’t like him - kids aren’t stupid and he will have noticed the detachment and the favouring of his biological child . A man who can treat a child like this is not someone you should even want to be with . Ditch him and make your children’s wellbeing your priority . No child should live in their own house feeling like they are not wanted .

So fucking what if he puts on a good act in front of other people. He’s an abusive cunt and you’re desperation for a bloke in your bed means you’re facilitating your poor son being bullied and having his entire childhood ruined.

Hope his golden dick is worth ruining your sons life for