Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

I hate those and I don't want to be part of the pile on and I probably am too but seriously your 5 year vs a vile man. No. !! Just no!

Please tell me this isn’t real. If it is real, op, you need to get out of the relationship for the sake of your older son. This situation will be incredibly damaging for him the more it goes on.

At that time I had been through a stressful pregnancy and then recovering from a difficult birth. I called the midwife in tears and they came round and I told them what he had said and they seemed to think it was normal for a step parent to struggle to adjust after the birth of a biological child. There was zero indication that he had any negative feeling towards my son until our shared child was born. In fact he and my son were incredible close. My son used to call him his best friend and he was very attached to him. They are of course much less close now and I sense my son has picked up on the vibe from his step dad although my partner does not say any of this stuff in front of the kids, it is only ever said when we are alone. He says I’m being toxic for getting upset and that I am showing favouritism towards my older son

What the Hell is wrong with you? Why would you allow anyone (I don't actually care who it is, but incidentally your partner sounds like an utter twat) be nasty and abusive towards your little boy?

How can you even look at yourself in the mirror every day? Shame on you.

Deservedly so.

Im actually sickened by your post....

My step kids’ stepdad is the same. We have them most weekends and holidays. He just sees them as moneymakers (they get maintenance and benefits for SC) to be tolerated.

Walk away from this man. You owe it to your oldest child.

My dd has a 5 year old ds with someone else and a 2 year old ds with new partner and he treats her eldest son like his own otherwise she’d have her boot up his arse and out the door!

Only echoing what PP have said. You have to protect both of your children and they have to both be prioritized. This is not ok.

Quoting myself, but I can’t stop thinking about this.

I remember how happy my 3 year old son would be to come home from nursery, and how very much he was wanted at home.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think of your 3 year old son being so happy to come home to his family from nursery, and being unwanted like this.

Absolutely sickening..

You're not upset enough. Why are you allowing him to bully your child?

No no. You said he snaps at your son. That's where he's picked up "vibes".

Well, he's a right cunt isn't he.

My DH is stepfather to my eldest, we got together when she was 3, he met her age 4, and she’s now 18. If I were you, I’d get rid of this man immediately. These sorts of things do not repair themselves. If he dislikes your son at such a young age, just imagine the resentment for a pre-teen and teenager!! The way he separates the children and doesn’t even class your son as his own, it’s all very alarming. Get out now, save your son a lifetime of misery.

edit: imagine this was how your son was being treated at his fathers house by a step mother…what would you want to happen? You would be furious.

He is not a nice man. This is not fair on your son.

Looks like you’re going to have to plan to break up.

What a shitty shitty man.

I sense my son has picked up on the vibe
Of course he has. Shame on you for subjecting him to this. Cock before kids indeed.

Many men are monsters.
some women are incomprehensible.

I think you need to be making better choices about who you partner and have children with....... Your son must've been what, 18 months/2 years at most when you split from his Dad, now you have another 2 Yr old and have realised your current partner is arsehole...... 🙄

Your poor son. Imagine having to be in a house where a grown man is that rude and nasty to you, and you're 5 years old....

He is bullying your child. I’m sorry he is such an awful person. Please, please, please leave him. Neither your child nor you deserve this awful treatment.

You and that poor boy are in an abusive relationship.
How can you look at him.
Tell your Ex the truth so at least one of his parents can put him first.
I would trust him around your child.

Your poor son.
Please stop having children with him and get yourself organised to get away.

Do not stand by and allow him to abuse your son.

Some children really have zero chance in life from so early on.

Heartbreaking.

This is horrendous. What are you going to do about it OP?

Jesus Christ what is wrong with so many women?? So many posts about the same thing. Relationship breaks down and have a young child, instead of focussing on supporting and protecting the existing child decide it’s a great idea to shack up with some new twat, who doesn’t like your child, have a baby with them and now everything is shit.

Wake up! You do NOT need a new man and a new baby - deal with the mess you’ve already created - don’t make it even more complicated!!!

You cannot stay with this awful man