I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

Can’t add much more than others have
just wanted to say wishing you well
2026 could be a fresh new start for you and I hope it is

Generally considered one of the most beautiful women in the world, but she can't curl her hair either

Often said to be the most beautiful woman in the world probably because she CAN curl her hair?

Officially accepted as the most beautiful woman in the world

I could go on.

But I'll just stop at listing all the things that are right & wrong with you.

Right - Weight, Hair, Looks, Nose - in fact everything except .......

Wrong - Confidence & Attitude.

Unfortunately, Confidence & Attitude aren't easy, but that's all that you need to improve.

Best wishes

OP you are most definitely not ugly! Honestly people are not seeing you the way you see yourself.

Teeth can be straightened, I got mine done in my thirties, go for it one day.

Come on its time to pull yourself together and stop moaning.

No matter what people say to you you have a negative reply for everything.

OK - we can't see you, so I'm not going to give empty assurances - but it sounds like your teeth are particularly bothering you, so is that something you could save for, ask for all Christmas / birthday gifts to be money towards and maybe get sorted eventually, even if you have to save for years? You could aim to do it as a 30th birthday present to yourself?

Hair - I don't know. Have you tried it very short? Experiment with hair scarves?

Clothes - people can look amazing at any size. Follow some larger bodied fashion influencers and experiment with shape and colour. You don't have to dress in a "flattering" way - you can put two fingers up to that and dress in an interesting way, with shapes and colours that make you happy.

If you are trying to squeeze yourself in to a very narrow definition of "beauty" (ie. what's currently fashionable), it sounds like you will always be miserable, as you don't happen to possess the physical characteristics that we arbitrarily classify as desirable in 2025. Sucks, but that's true for many many people. If you were extremely rich, you could modify your body to fit the mould if you really wanted to. But the rest of us just have to find a way to work with what we've got - and, crucially, OWN it. Allow yourself to look interesting - show up as that - and you might find you attract more interesting and engaging people than you'd get with a Kardashian hourglass figure and lip filler...

The thing that really stands out from your post and subsequent comments is your low self esteem, and your easy dismissal of some major achievements. You had great exam grades (presumably at a state school?), you have two degrees in serious subjects, you had the guts to career change - yet you describe yourself as not being intelligent?

This might sound naff, but I think you need to find something to do that takes the focus away from your appearance and helps other people - is there a way to volunteer for a charity / local organisation using your legal experience? The aim being not to help others (although that's a nice side impact), but to help your own sense of self. That voluntary work might lead to other, different voluntary work - to expanding your social circle, to who knows what...

Or if that doesn't appeal, is there some other thing you've always fancied learning that you could start in 2026? Baking courses, upholstery, acting, pottery - whatever! I think you just need to start taking some action - any action - to shake things up a bit. You can't force meeting someone romantically, but you can fill your life and put yourself in the path of many more people.

You are still young. You are at the beginning, and you can choose what you want to value in life.

Cheerful people with a good sense of humour are always attractive, and will enjoy life, even if they are conventionally plug ugly.

Yep - totally agree. Many many people have taken the time to reply and you haven't once said thanks. Of course you don't need to send 200+'individual notes of thanks, but every single comment/ reply you have written on this thread basically just argues with whatever someone has said.

you are clearly very low and I don't mean to kick you whilst you're down, but I would bet my house that it's your total lack of self-esteem, coupled with being totally self-absorbed (not in a horrible way, but you cannot see beyond your negative feelings) that is holding you back. Not your looks.

When you talk to people in real life, do you thank them for comments and compliments? Smile at them? Thank them for their perspective or suggestion or share yours in a healthy discussion, or do you shut down every single comment someone makes?

it's like someone said why not consider volunteering abroad. Rather than 'thanks but not really my thing, I'm a bit of a homebody,' or 'ooh I haven't considered that, thanks, I might do some research' your response was 'what for? I have no skills.'

that constant negativity and shutting conversation down can't be helping your relationships with friends / family / colleagues and you generally feeling happy.

You are sounding very defeatist. You’ve still got weight to lose… what’s stopping that from happening? Go to the GP and tell them about your issues, get more therapy.. what’s the worst that will happen? It will be rubbish again? But what’s the best? That it might actually help!

Get the quote for your teeth. Find out about payment plans. Get a loan, save up or ask your parents for a loan.

It sounds like you have such chronically low self-esteem OP. Have you ever done anything to try and work on learning to like yourself? I don't mean cosmetically, I don't mean your appearance. It sounds like you feel utterly worthless, but you're really not, and that's where you need to focus your energy.

Im sorry I haven't read the full thread but as an older person, I now realise that when I was younger I was much more beautiful than I ever gave myself credit for. I, like you, criticise my body now still but im trying to be aware that I'm my worst judge. The things I notice arent thee things other people notice.
When I was 18, I went on a group adventure and part of that is we all had to write down something nice about everyone else anonymously. The things people wrote were really much nicer than I thought possible. Those are the areas of my body I still appreciate because my own self judgement has been overwritten.
Focus on the good parts and be appreciative of what you've got.
Lots of love from the big bellied girl with bad hair and funny nose, also known by other people as the girl with great hair, pretty eyes and the best rack that he'd seen 😆

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers

Why do you think you couldn't practice in crime? You clearly do meet the academic standards?

So what is the chatting like before you're blocked?

https://ph.jobstreet.com/job/88744760#sol=bbb12e5a3b77a3baac12f047a21e1af9536872bc

There's an actual paying job she's qualified for overseas.

A depressed family member went abroad for a job stayed six years.

A friend went abroad volunteering, got a job. Met a guy, married now with family. Only comes home to visit family. She's living her best life as a size 20 plain looking woman.

Eyeore syndrome does drive people away so needs addressing .

Eeyore syndrome is a real thing btw.

Do your hobbies like hiking involve other people? If not, join a group, join other groups where people get to know your personality rather than focusing on how you look. Dating apps are so judgemental. I’d never use them as I don’t photograph well. You’ve got two degrees so you aren’t unintelligent with nothing to offer but you need to do things that you shine at. You say you are good at baking, well what about a cookery course doing evening classes which focus on other cuisines or knife skills, cooking fish and so on so you can cook interesting healthy meals. I’ve done some on Groupon and they aren’t very expensive.Book a personal shopper to pick things out for you. It is free, you don’t have to buy anything but you might find a style that helps your self esteem. Your weight loss is incredible, take pride in that. Go and have a chat with your dentist to see if there is anything they can offer in terms of a payment plan and find exactly what needs doing and how much. You can save up if necessary. You sound very defeated at the moment but there are plenty of things you can do to boost your self esteem and confidence. These aren’t overnight fixes but will gradually improve your outlook on life.

I'm going to be really blunt here @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers , I don't believe you when you say you're ugly.

You also say you're not intelligent, but the fact you've got 2 degrees of a decent standard, along with all your other grades say otherwise, so how can we trust what you say about your appearance.

My DP has very fine hair, she also has crooked teeth. Neither of those things make her ugly, and given that the NHS didn't think your teeth needed fixing, I very much doubt your teeth do either.

I don't think it's your looks that are putting men off from dating you. You're getting people talking to you on the apps, when literally all they know about you is from your pictures, so that's obviously not the issue. They're not running a mile until they've had a conversation with you, which suggests that something in those conversations is to blame.

Your utter sense of self loathing about almost every aspect of yourself comes across loud and clear in these posts, I strongly doubt your managing to hide it all that well in conversation with others, even if you're trying to.

As others have said, you need therapy. You have a mental health issue, and it's stopping you from seeing anything positive in yourself. Your looks, your weight, your intelligence, your job, your personality aren't the problem.

Your mental health is. Take steps to fix that, and you might find the other issues you think you have are rather less than you thought.

I just read all your posts and you are so negative that it is really hard to give you any advice, because you come back with an objection to anything suggested. One that really stands out is that you think you aren’t intelligent enough. I am old enough to be your grandmother. I left school with 3 O levels, no A levels, no university degree. I am an intelligent woman. A member of Mensa ( which boosted my confidence) You have attained so much educationally. You are obviously very intelligent. There are not very many of us who are really beautiful. I have never looked at someone and thought they were ‘less’ because of their looks. And I have never liked someone more because they were beautiful.
What attracts me to people is confidence, kindness and a sense of humour. Be kind to yourself. I look back on photos of myself when I was young, when I thought myself fat and unattractive and wish I still looked like that. Now my hair is white and my skin is wrinkled. I have a resting bitch face which makes me look like my dad at the end of his life, which looked ok on an elderly man but not so much on me. But people seem to like me, I try to be kind, and that’s more important to most people than what I look like.

As others have said, this is a self-esteem problem. OP, I am sure you are not ugly. Most people are not ugly. Most people are ordinary looking - and that's fine. I think we just have really high standards for ourselves - particularly as women - because we're ruthlessly sold ideas of female beauty which are unattainable for anyone over the age of 18 without tons of money to spend on tweakments and personal trainers etc. Our faces and bodies have been commodified so we think of 'extremely attractive' as the norm. But it isn't.

Men on online dating sites are nearly all absolutely mental - I wouldn't blame yourself for the weird shit and ghosting you're experiencing. If they didn't find you at least somewhat attractive, they wouldn't be talking to you in the first place, so it doesn't make sense that your looks have anything to do with the chats not ending up in dates.

My self-esteem was really low when I was in my mid-20s - I think that's quite normal too. I thought I was fat and plain. I wasn't and never have been. In my case, it was unresolved childhood trauma + ADHD + struggling financially causing depression and anxiety. Obviously that's just me but you do sound very low. It can be really tough just being a young woman. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

‘Band 2’ covers hundreds of clinical and non clinical roles within the NHS. It is at the bottom of the banding system and paid about 20p above NMW now. No idea what the OP does as a band 2 but I work within a multi disciplinary team in Cancer & Diagnostics, on IT based systems.

I suspect you don't even realise you're doing it. It's just become so natural now that it's become your default.

Even comments that feel/sound neutral to you may well come across as negative to others because your mindset is so negative.

Even you won't even give suggestions a chance, there's not much anyone here is going to be able to do.

Sometimes, when people are feeling very negative, what they want is to hear more negativity about themselves because that in itself is affirming and feels 'positive'.

OP, I agree that therapy could help self-esteem.

But also Please ask your GP about other services connected to mental health. Where I live, we have people called peer coaches and also support workers who are linked to organisations such as likewise and mind. They are not therapists, but they can be very helpful in supporting people who are ‘lost’ or stuck in a negative rut. They can help with goal-setting or they can help with engaging in activities and provide the confidence and motivation for people to engage.

Would you consider asking your GP about referral to such a service?

Access to free NHS dental treatment for children is not means tested.

I actually think Barbra Streisand is a great example of someone who is considered beautiful even though she has some features that are conventionally 'unattractive'. The big nose, the wild hair, the prominent jaw. If you wrote a factual description of her, you could make her sound ugly. But she's not.

Hey OP. Just wanted to advise against letting men's reactions to you on dating apps to shape your assesment of your value at the moment. If you go on tiktok there are any number of highly confident and attractive women talking about how difficult dating is and how prevalent ghosting is right now. It's not you. The apps aren't a quick way to a self esteem boost - they need a thick skin and a strong sense of your own self worth. I'd probably leave them alone for a while until you're in a better place. (I hope that doesn't come across as patronising.)

I'm not sure what you could do to physically glow up, as I can't see you what you look like. But there are honestly very few people who can't improve on what they've got, if that's what they want to do (and I'm not talking about anything as drastic as nose jobs).

Lastly, from someone ten years older, you are still so SO young. I still consider myself young! Loads of people totally reinvent themselves in their 30s. I can't stress how much time you've got to figure out what you want to do, how you want your life to look, to discover new hobbies and interests, to grow. Thirty means nothing nowadays (and you're not even nearly there anyway).

Agreed.

Baby in Dirty Dancing ........

Confidence & Attitude