DH said I’m not a very likeable person?

[Mrsaskalot]

Me and DH were having a discussion today about finances and what we should do to make it more fair. Anyway further on into the conversation he said he wouldn’t take any advice from me because I’m on the spectrum.
He also stated that no one has ever liked me and that I’m not a very likeable person, people just put up with me.

I have ADHD and always have been a bit awkward and a loner somewhat. I never really had many friends but I was never bothered. I’m not great with people which is surprising as I work in HR.

Its made me feel really shit and wonder whether there is some truth to what he has said. As he’s getting older he’s becoming meaner.

Aibu for not being able to forgive something like this?

Unforgivable.
Your DH is an arse.

I get the impression I’m pretty unlikable (ND and I tend to be direct which can come across as rude I guess, but I can’t seem to change it!) however, on my down days when I’m being self critical my DH always tells me I’m kind, I’m caring, I’m a lovely person etc etc. he’s always boosting me up -the exact opposite of your DH.
I’m not sure where I’d go from there if my DH has said something so awful.
So sorry op

In all honesty without knowing you it's hard to know if you are likeable or not and whether he was reasonable or not. Sounds like your not bothered by people. Would there be a reason he would say this?

I’d struggle to get over that.

I think in your case DH stands for Dickhead Husband.

I would ending the marriage if my husband said this

@Starzinsky the only reason someone would say something like this is to be unkind and purposely cause hurt. It’s not like it’s constructive criticism!

Sounds to me like something he pulled out of the bag to hit you with in order to shut down the conversation about your joint finances.
It's very cruel and mean and, yes, unforgivable.

Well, it was a deeply unpleasant thing for him to say, as was the crack about you being ‘on the spectrum’, but you seem to indicate yourself that you think there’s some basis to it, by saying you’re ’not good with people’?

Everyone has their moments and it's those that family tend to see. Your DH is a bit of a pillock. Probably people think he's great but you know otherwise too.

It sounds like he's projecting. Someone who says things like that to their spouse is the 'not very likable person'.

We're you asking him to contribute more?
Is this the first time he's been such a prick or is this one of many similar incidents?

What do you want to do about your DH, OP? There are always options and yes I agree with a PP, he said it because he didn't like the direction the conversation about finances was taking. Nasty.

My ex husband used to say things like this regularly.

Note, ex husband.

I would tell him that’s fine, he’s not likeable either & you will be happy when the divorce is finalised!

What a arse.

Yes, the reason is that he is a prick.

Why did he marry you, then?!

Finances are joint in a relationship, especially in marriage.

He is an arse. And not very likeable, I am guessing.

This. Strikes me it's something he made up to hurt you or was yours a shotgun wedding?

That's a horribly unkind thing for him to say. How would he know whether other people find you likeable? Does he spend a lot of time bad mouthing you with family and friends as an invitation for them to tell him what they think of you?

Someone only says something like that to hurt someone and undermine their confidence. Unless he makes a spontaneous and heartfelt apology I would not be able to forgive something like that. Your life partner is supposed to be your champion not a saboteur. Adults know to think before they speak because things said in the heat of the moment can't be taken back. Your husband is an arsehole.

My ex told me that our mutual friends couldn't understand what he saw in me. One year later, I was reminded of this when one of those friends told me that they'd never understood what I saw in him

My ex told me that our mutual friends couldn't understand what he saw in me. One year later, I was reminded of this when one of those friends told me that they'd never understood what I saw in him

What a nasty thing to say to someone he's meant to love. You shouldt be with someone who thinks you're unlikeable

@Mrsaskalot
How did your conversation about shared finances turned into discussion about personalities?
Were you disagreeing about something? it sounds like he was feeling defensive, and doing the typical pointing the finger that men do when feeling cornered.

As to the content of what he said - you seem to actually know it about yourself - you say yoi are not great with people. Clearly it follows that people ‘are not great’ with you… And you say it doesn’t bother you that you don’t have friends.

So - I think you are not questioning the content of what he said - but rather the reason for bringing it up. And on that - it’s hard to say without more context. Or, making conclusion that he lashed out because he felt cornered over something.

Not sure if it’s somehow unforgivable and divorce-worthy. But this is MN and won’t surprise me

It sounds like he’s trying to dismiss your suggestions and insulting you as a way of lowering your confidence/distracting from the discussion. Unless you were giving advice on a social situation then I don’t see how it was even relevant to the conversation.

Sounds to me like a twist on the 'you should be grateful that I'm with you because nobody else would have you'.

Has he always been an utter tosser?

I strongly suspect @Mrsaskalot that he turned the conversation nasty and personal because he didn't want to continue the conversation.

Is he deflecting do you think?
Like in an argument when other stuff gets dragged up or ancient arguments get brought up?

He has definitely got you talking about something which is not the subject "How to make finances more fair"
Why has he done that? Did you ask him to pay more towards something eg kids clothes/xmas costs/grocery bill?

That’s deliberate emotional abuse and belittling. What a twat.

Same.

Unreasonable of a partner to say you are unlikeable and expect to stay with you.

It sounds like he made a personal attack to deflect from you asking him to pull his weight financially. Nasty.