DH said I’m not a very likeable person?

[Mrsaskalot]

Me and DH were having a discussion today about finances and what we should do to make it more fair. Anyway further on into the conversation he said he wouldn’t take any advice from me because I’m on the spectrum.
He also stated that no one has ever liked me and that I’m not a very likeable person, people just put up with me.

I have ADHD and always have been a bit awkward and a loner somewhat. I never really had many friends but I was never bothered. I’m not great with people which is surprising as I work in HR.

Its made me feel really shit and wonder whether there is some truth to what he has said. As he’s getting older he’s becoming meaner.

Aibu for not being able to forgive something like this?

If you’re so unlikeable, why did he marry you then?

What does that say about him, (other than that he’s a cunt)?

Yes 100% controlling behaviour

Oh no, OP. That’s an appalling thing for him to have said, and makes me wonder how much of your perceiving yourself as unlikable is because he’s influenced you to do so, and destroyed your self-esteem.
I don’t think I could move past such a comment. Either it’s massively cruel and spiteful, or he genuinely thinks it’s true, and either way, that relationship doesn’t sound good for you to be in.

It's nothing to do with how likeable you are and more to distract you from the conversation about finances.

I’ve been with my DH for 15 years, married 6. He has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. At times, he can objectively be a knobhead. BUT…..he’s MY knobhead. Nobody else gets to label him as such and even I wouldn’t call him that, as I love and respect him too much!

@Mrsaskalot regardless of your people skills/emotional intelligence or lack thereof, a conversation with your husband should NEVER devolve into him telling you you’re unlikeable and essentially unworthy of any respect or credibility because you are ND.

This says far more about your DH, and his character, than it does about you and yours. Please do consider whether you want to stay in a marriage with someone who seemingly has so little basic respect and regard for you. 💙

I wouldn’t say that to a work colleague, let alone my life partner!!

He blames you and holds it against you because you have ADHD!😳. As if you had a choice? I find his point of view as irrational as it is nasty, and I think it is very nasty.

In this atmosphere - that his comments towards you have created, I’d find it almost impossible to defend or forget. Knowing how he regards you, do you want to remain with him? Who is he to criticize, he sounds arrogant and totally unpalatable. Do not let him wear you down, don’t give him that power.

Op, your dh is not in a position to comment, as he is extremely rude himself.

I expect you are actually very nice, but have zero self esteem from being married to someone who likes you to think you can't manage without him.

Get counselling for self esteem and don't bother telling that fuckwit you are currently married to.

I hope you have separate finances too. If not, sort it out so you do.

YANBU. That was really nasty. It's unlikely to be true, he wouldn't be with you if you were so unlikable. I think he has just gone for a statement he knew would hurt you.

Or just Dick Head!
I'm going to read DH as dickhead forever now aren't I 🙈

You may be unlikable (very much doubt it) but he is a f Twit, and I would tell him to go f himself. What an absolute s of a partner.
I am a blunt person, bit of adhd possibly and I unintentionally interrupt ppl as I'm not good at reading cues that they have finished speaking so I am sure I can be annoying, but I would never be so horrible to someone and deliberately say nasty things. He is an arse and you should ignore him.💕

Lame. Personally attack the woman to silence her about money. How new! How original! He’s big standard abusive.

You should say to him”funny I’ve heard people say the same thing about you”

Did he finish with, but obviously love you! If not, that’s horrible. Practical reasons aside, why would you stay with someone like that?

Why is everyone ND seemingly all of a sudden

I’ve got ADHD too and struggle to form lasting friendships. I feel you. But my DH also tells me I’m amazing and wonderful - he once noted on a night out that I was constantly jumping in while people were speaking and I got really upset with myself as I thought I’d had a successful night. He was distraught that what, to him, was just an idle observation had really upset me. He’d NEVER say anything as horrible as your other half did.

Did your ‘D’H feel attacked by you maybe, or really didn’t want to take the course of action you were advising, and was being horrible to derail you from your train of thought? If so, that’s mega manipulative. How long have you guys been together?

Your husband does not sound likeable at all

Every OP in this board makes me relieved not to be married anymore, this one even more so. Your husband is a nasty man OP. He doesn’t deserve you.

Abusive men insult and belittle women to shut them down.

Your husband is abusive.
Time to get organised and get out.
Reach out to family and friends.

There may be some truth in what he said given what you yourself have shared but it was still unkind. Is your husband very social? If so, then he will have noticed over time if you are not and the difference between you may be widening. How is your marriage otherwise? Has he apologized since or made any effort to make up? If not, maybe you could advise him you'd like to have a discussion (if you feel up to it) about what he said as it was very hurtful.

He’s playing dirty to distract from the finances. I wouldn’t forgive him either.

There are some very awful people in the world and plenty of people like them. He has taken your insecurity and weaponised it. At that point I wouldn’t be paying attention to anything he had to say.

How awful of your husband to say that. I'm a stone cold bitch but my husband thinks I'm the best person to walk the earth. You shouldn't tolerate a person who brings you down like that.

Sounds like he's the not very likeable person. Is he always a negging, abusive piece of shit?

He's a right charmer himself, obviously! I'd be making plans to leave.