DH said I’m not a very likeable person?

[Mrsaskalot]

Me and DH were having a discussion today about finances and what we should do to make it more fair. Anyway further on into the conversation he said he wouldn’t take any advice from me because I’m on the spectrum.
He also stated that no one has ever liked me and that I’m not a very likeable person, people just put up with me.

I have ADHD and always have been a bit awkward and a loner somewhat. I never really had many friends but I was never bothered. I’m not great with people which is surprising as I work in HR.

Its made me feel really shit and wonder whether there is some truth to what he has said. As he’s getting older he’s becoming meaner.

Aibu for not being able to forgive something like this?

I'm guessing the finances are in his favour?

He is trying to shame you into thinking he is the best you can do.

Please never forgive and never forget, dump him today.

I bet you are wonderful.

Well he doesn’t really know what everyone else thinks about you and he was probably exaggerating to make his point. But what is clear is he doesn’t like you, why would the person who’s suppose to love you want you to feel so crap and unloved?
Love yourself more and dump his arse.

He also stated that no one has ever liked me and that I’m not a very likeable person, people just put up with me.

No, I could not forgive this. I am sure it's not true either. No one has ever liked you? Was your wedding day a farce?

The thing is, comments like that are said with one purpose, which is to hurt the person they’re said to. How can you take it seriously when it’s said just to hurt you, shut you up and make you feel small? He might as well have said you had a big nose. None of it is based on truth. Or it’s a twisted version that isn’t accurate. You might not have had lots of groups of friends, but many people don’t. It doesn’t mean that they’re all horrible people.

What you do need to take seriously is that the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone is intentionally trying to hurt you. If he’s getting gradually meaner, I’d be willing to bet that this isn’t the first time you’ve been his target.

Tell him that you’re a good person. Tell him that you don’t deserve his spite. And tell him that if he doesn’t want to have a conversation about the fairness of finances, then he’s welcome to put it in the hands of your divorce lawyer, who will explain it to him very clearly.

If he's getting meaner as he gets older, he isn't going to get any younger, is he? So this can go one of two ways. Either you leave before he gets worse, or, if you don't want to throw the towel in just yet, then you must make a VERY firm stand. Leave him in no doubt that you will not be on the receiving end of his spite. That if he takes his nasty temper out on you again then you will leave him. Because that's what this is OP, a man who is getting bitter and frustrated in general and using you as his emotional punch bag. You are not unlikable. He is simply going for your weak spot.

Absolutely this

What a POS, that's a vile thing to say to something you're supposed to care about.

I don't see the point in relationships when they're all about trying to bring people down. Better off single.

I agree with this.What an unkind arse he is.

Tell him, “Well, I'm the best you could get.”

Sounds like he got weird about the finances chat and decided to make you feel like shit to deflect and change the subject. Anything you should know regarding his finances? What were you discussing? Either way it’s a bloody horrible thing to say, particularly as you weren’t even having a full on argument where people say stupid things in the heat of the moment. I’d ask him why he married you then?

Uh…? Her husband at the very least should like her. Rather than trying to excuse his cruelty you should take a moment and reflect on how ridiculous this comment is.

That is mean and nasty and not something you should put up with. Your self esteem will be in the dustbin if you listen to much more of his shite.

He's trying to bend your head so you believe that you're lucky he's decided it's his life's mission to take you on out of pity, and the finances don't need to be fair as you're doing well enough as it is to have him stick around.

He's a dick.

What does it say about him that he married someone he deems unlikeable?

I am not a popular person, DH suspect I am on the spectrum but he never would say anything like that to me! It's not acceptable IMO, he is just not very kind.

There is never a reason to say what he did in the way that he did. Please leave him before you are trapped looking after a really nasty old man..

Well he liked you enough to marry you. Is he often spiteful?

He decided to go really low in order to ‘win' an argument. Remember that, this isn't about you. It's really about what he's willing to do to put you in your place (below him.)
The comment was really childish at best and I'm sorry but I'd be doubting his suitability as a partner after this and really keeping a close eye on his behaviour and comments to you from now on. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Mate. He's a cunt.

The reason is he’s a nasty prick who is probably hiding money

He was deflecting. He didn’t like the conversation you were having so he said nasty things about you to change the subject.

Why are you with him?

Would leaving him give you extra money?

Take it as a compliment. You are strong, you don’t need to be liked.

I have always wondered how people in HR stay sane, they have to deal with so much negativity and drama (at least where I work). Perhaps, your detached character is what makes you great at your job.

I would thank him for his insight, and crack on with whatever I was doing.

You may or may not be aware that ADHD can be a risk factor for abusive relationships. Emotional abuse and gaslighting are popular tactics. Think about how your husband talks to you and whether there's a pattern.

I think he might be projecting - he doesn’t sound like a likeable person!

Oh that is beyond horrible, it is so true the way words can wound and he chose such hurtful words. There is no way I would even want to forgive him, there is no coming back from that.

Ask him why he is still with you if you are so unlikeable.
LTB

Likability and ND have nothing to do with each other. I have met many vile people who are NT, and some lovely lovely people who are ND. People might not like you if you work in HR - but that is about how they view your job role not about you personally.

Being ND makes it more likely you will have low self esteem or be abused. You may have internalized messages, either overt from people who dont understand you, or covert, where you feel you just dont 'get it' or 'fit in'. If you have those feelings it is more likely you will attribute that to a fault in yourself than your ND, especially if you start having those feelings before you know you are ND/

The other thing we know is that women with disability are more likely to be abused (I dont love the term disability for ND although I understand the protection it gives). Anyway when it comes to victim selection, anything which impacts your relationships with others can make you more vulnerable to abuse.

Your husband is a nasty piece of work. He does not have your interests at heart. You deserve to be treated better than this and would be better out of this relationship it seems.

Me and DH were having a discussion today about finances and what we should do to make it more fair.

This is the crux of it, are you asking him to make more of a contribution to make things fairer ? He has decided he would rather not and gone down the personal insult route as a means of preventing further discussion on the matter ?