DH said I’m not a very likeable person?

[Mrsaskalot]

Me and DH were having a discussion today about finances and what we should do to make it more fair. Anyway further on into the conversation he said he wouldn’t take any advice from me because I’m on the spectrum.
He also stated that no one has ever liked me and that I’m not a very likeable person, people just put up with me.

I have ADHD and always have been a bit awkward and a loner somewhat. I never really had many friends but I was never bothered. I’m not great with people which is surprising as I work in HR.

Its made me feel really shit and wonder whether there is some truth to what he has said. As he’s getting older he’s becoming meaner.

Aibu for not being able to forgive something like this?

Totally agree. This seems like a horrible putdown to stop whatever conversation it is that you were having and make you doubt yourself. Very conniving and makes me wonder what he's trying to hide or what he doesn't want to commit to.

He is horrible, really mean and cruel.
Whatever his goal is, he is trying to crush you.

He sounds really unlikeable, what sort of man speaks to their wife like that? He’s being deliberately hurtful, and I would find it hard to get past that.

I would ask why did he marry such a horrible person?

He's not a DH He's a narcissistic, dreadful person. Leave!

I completely disagree with the ‘whether he was reasonable or not’ part of this comment.. There is one thing giving constructive criticism to a loved one, especially your wife or husband, and there’s being a complete inappropriate prick who clearly has a chip on his shoulder and has wanted to say this for some time.

Not ok OP. You need to dig deeper on why he thinks this, where that’s come from and why he thought that was appropriate?

If you love and care for someone, you care about how you make them feel, I would know saying this to someone would not be okay and so would my partner.

When the world gets too much he should be your support. He should NOT be the one knocking you down.

I would have asked him why he set the bar so low for himself, if you’re so unlikeable and people just put up with you ask him why he married you? Did nobody likeable want him?

He married you though ?

Wow 😲 Does he have any good sides? I'm sorry you're tied up with him. Life's too short to be with someone horrible. Take care Op

Tell your nasty little husband that none of us mumsnetters think he is a v likeable person.

Sounds like a typical 'man in a corner' quip. I don't think ADHD is part of the ASD spectrum so was he inferring something else?

One person's unlikeable is another person's likeable. But that was a crappy thing to say.

Ah, OP, do you know what!?!

I think your DP is actually the VERY unlikable one... and he's EXTREMELY lucky that you continue to put up with him. I think you should make it clear he's on thin ice (while assessing what's his endgame with that comment- what did he hope to achieve?).

Sounds like you would be better NOT putting up with his unlikeable personality any longer.

P.S you sound lovely and self aware - so that's already a stepping stone to gaining more friends (if that's what you want, you may be happy how you are - and that's ok, too!).

He sounds very unlikeable.

How old is this horrible man ?

Your DH comes across as fairly unlikeable so it is no doubt him rather than you. You sound sensible to me .My ex used to say terrible things about me and that is why he is my ex.

A truly horrible thing to say. I think some men take on a really nasty and defensive tone if they’re confronted about anything. Hard to come back from that though. Is he also the type that will massively over-apologise after as well?

Should he have lied to you

Sounds like abuse to me. Time to think about ending things.

Obviously I can't tell if you are likeable or not, from a post but your DH obviously doesn't like you very much, and is being very unpleasant- that is a much more important issue than if you are likeable or not- i think you need to get a very grovelling apology or to get a divorce.

Well i really dont like your husband but i like your honesty and vulnerability. I bet you are likeable to some as most of us are but you just don’t try too hard which is what some people prefer. Hope that made sense OP and you are awesome

Just because someone is not good with people doesn't mean that they are nasty and unlikeable. They could just be introvert. So there is no excuse to suddenly tell your partner no-one likes them.

@Mrsaskalot

Basically just to add weight to lots of very great responses already!

He’s a knob. It was a way of hurting you, probably also to distract from the real conversation. Probably projecting too.

Maybe couples therapy? Maybe end it?

Good luck!

depends how long they are together.
I'm with my other half 30+ years and tact diminishes with time.
Check out Mike Wilmot -