I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

In real life jokes come in all forms, many of which do not include punchlines.

This sort of thing really boils my piss

my dh used to sometimes make comments about things id bought or put on when i felt good in it and it used to upset me.

since perimenopause has kicked in he’s done it once and i absolutely wiped the floor with him

I think he was more shocked than anything at my response but he’s not done it again.

it really is just fucking unkind and I don’t know why the hell they think it’s a good idea.

I would have dead pan face replied it’s only a joke when someone laughs. You’ve completely fucked up there and thank you for making me feel shit and walk away.

I think any joke that requires an explanatory ‘it’s a jokkkkke!’ by the joker is most likely not funny.

Good for you. Sometimes it just needs to be said straight without any faffing about. He knows exactly what the score is now re his unfunny ‘jokey’ comments.

Well he certainly won’t be getting more sex with comments like that 🤣🤣

I’m not desperate to prove anything.

and it’s not from decades ago. It’s from the cartoon, which is streaming now and popular with young kids / families.

In my first post I said that the comment in isolation just references a big transformation, and is not in itself offensive, but that it hinges on tone and context and may well be offensive.

In my second post, having seen a pp’s post with the photo of Mr Bean in a dress and make up, I said that if it was in reference to this, then yes, it’s an unacceptable comment and not funny.

so in no way am I “reaching” to defend her husband and your reading comprehension is really very poor.

It’s from the cartoon, which is streaming now and popular with young kids / families.

Why would OP's husband be watching a cartoon meant for kids and referencing it to OP and expect her to deduce his meaning?

He was obviously referring to the bumbling and awkward and unattractive Mr Bean from the 1990s.

your reading comprehension is really very poor.

When in doubt, attack eh? Like the OP's husband.

So which bit was funny?

DH told me I looked like Friar Tuck once when I was wearing a (lovely, I thought) belted cardi That cardi went to charity a long time ago, but I still miss it! The things they say sometimes eh?!

Ummm nope I literally posted a photo from the episode which is quite literally called Mr Bean Dresses Up

You really have no idea he was referencing that specific episode. Why pretend that you do?

If he's not usually in the habit of putting you down I'd take it in a slightly different context. Mr Bean does not need to wear a suit and tie but does so for comedic value and because he looks out of place. I would assume the point your husband was trying to make was that you didn't look yourself wearing smart work gear and perhaps also because he prefers you wearing your usual clothes. I can see why it went down badly but I wouldn't assume bullying intentions.

In my first graduate job, with my first salary, needing an upgrade from the rather nice Next jacket I’d been interviewed in, I bought a collarless, dark grey, heavy wool skirt suit from MaxMara. My then partner took one look at me in about a billion ££ worth of clothes and remarked that the only thing lacking was a bayonet …

The thing is, in that instance I genuinely don’t think his primary impulse was to bring me down. We were young and very happy together, he was unfailingly supportive, but just hadn’t yet learned to engage brain before opening mouth …

The OP’s husband is mature enough to have mastered that skill.

Nasty, hurtful, thoughtless remark. It's only a joke if you're both laughing. If he does it again, scream loudly in his face that he's a total arsehole....might make him think twice.

Because they have children. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that they’ve been watching the cartoon and that’s why he referenced it.

Why would he “obviously” be referencing a decades old programme, as you correctly called it?

Look, you’re obviously not the brightest spark, I can see that from your comments to another poster as well, so I’m just going to leave it there.

Hi I think you need to sit down and talk to him,tell him that you were hurt by his comments,some men just don't realize that they are being mean.You said apart from this he is a good husband so I can't understand why he was like this you need an explanation and to know how much he hurt you and you will not put up with it.

@nomas I wasn't making the point that it was funny. Not all jokes land.

Confused - poor attempt at a joke doesn’t make sense. You were wearing a dress, mr B wears a brown jacket and red tie. Was it a brown shirt dress and red bow? Do you have very short black hair? I’d get the ick if my DH was that not funny.
Edited - just saw the Mr B gets dressed up photo. If that’s what he means serious rude and needs a massive apology.

Did you take a selfie ?

Mr Bean doesn't wear a dress so how could you look anywhere near how he looks ?

Very weird and needs a slap , it is not funny.

Many posters have missed the last sentence in the OP: I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

This is apparently not a one off.

This is what I was thinking.

The irony of someone who thinks the husband was referencing a cartoon and not the 1990s Mr Bean programme calling me thick is laughable.

You clearly have got used to your husband insulting you and think it’s normal.

The fact that she has put "jokes" in quotation marks tells me she knows on some level how harmless these "jokes" are, too.

The fact that she has put "jokes" in quotation marks tells me she knows on some level how harmless these "jokes" are, too.

As in - not really jokes and not really harmless?