I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

"I was just joking"/"It was just a joke" are the bully's classic response to being called out on their bullying, @Christmaspuddingpinky.

Your husband needs to remember the old saying - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And I would be tempted to say to him that nasty comments, intended to hurt you will never put you in the mood for sex.

I'm not usually one to jump on the Yorkshire jokes but please: you are part of the problem. It's as bad as the op's Mr. Bean comment -

Well children are people and they are pretty small so my money is on children.

The "it's only a joke" line is always used to get away with an obnoxious comment.

You clearly stated you were hurt by what he said.

He didn't apologise - he blew it off and tried to make you the guilty one for taking it too seriously, making you responsible for how he made you feel.

You've every right to be upset by his "jokes," and I think you know it too.

I feel like he knew it wasn't going to go down well because 1. It sounds like you looked nothing like Mr Bean (in terms of hair, outfit etc.) and 2. Mr Bean is a man who's known to be clumsy, unfashionable and pull faces. Even if you really did look like Mr Bean at all, it would still be an insult - you'd clearly made an effort and he just wanted to laugh at you.
As a one off I'd think it was a weird insulting joke, but if this kind of thing was more often I'd think my DH didn't respect me, wasn't attracted to me or was insecure himself

There are men who'd never dream of saying things like this. My husband would never say this. I can only assume men who "banter" like OP's husband intend to wound. The only alternatives are that they are particularly stupid or were raised by people who didn't teach them any manners or empathy.

I think that was a really insulting "joke" and meant to be so. I have a DH who tells me every time I get home from a hairdresser that I look exactly like my mother. Nothing wrong with my mother but she is 20 years older than me and has terribly thin hair and no idea of how to style it flatteringly, wears it in a 1970s bob-type style. What he means is that it has been dried straight. I have told him to stop saying that and he has.

Yep -the "you can't take a joke" line goes alongside those who say "I speak the truth, I don't sugar coat things, I'm a straight talker etc. They are giving themselves pre or post approval to be an absolute cunt with no kick back.
Weirdly, if you do the same back to the "jokers" or the "straight talkers" they are the ones who take it the worst.
We have a notorious "I say it as it is" lady at a sport we take part in and she once stormed off crying when somebody gave it back to her in the same fashion.

My husband told me I looked like a German stormtrooper on my first day back at work after mat leave
I was wearing a khaki tunic and knee high biker boots
I can see the funny side now but I was quite cross at the time ….

He enjoys making stupid comments he finds funny
however , I do find some funny so I don’t mind

Ok thanks. I know who Mr Bean is but have never actually watched it. I guess a lot would depend on whether her dh is usually respectful and complimentary or if he has a habit of making digs.

I bet you looked lovely and he was struck by your efforts to improve yourself and wanted to try and take you down a peg.

I'm not really seeing how it's a joke, it doesn't really make sense. The PP with Captain Birdseye does. This doesn't, it seems mean.

Agree with you OP, sometimes a simple 'you look nice' wouldn't go amiss.

Lol, what a massive reach.

Mr Bean does not dress up, he is almost always seen in his signature outfit: a tweed jacket, a red tie, brown trousers, and a white shirt. There is no big transformation into him looking well dressed.

You've just made an entire scenario up in you head, it's completely bizarre.

It would only be funny if you did in fact look like Mr Bean. But clearly you didn't. So he's just being a massive twat.

You've just made that up, you really have no idea.

That's what I thought. People are reaching to justify this stupidity.

I think “this is why we don’t have more sex” is a reasonable response to that. My DH used to joke about something about me in a way that we often joke with each other, but at one point I did have to same to him that it was making me feel really unsexy and subconsciously putting me off being intimate. He immediately stopped.

You should probably have this conversation with your DH too - that his comments have an impact on your feelings and in turn an impact on your relationship - and he should bear that in mind before he says something to you.

I really can’t see how you’d be looking like Mr. Bean or where that comment came from. But, yeah, hurtful and insensitive.

????
No I haven’t.

Just because you haven’t seen it you claim I’ve made it up?!

Some people on here really are loopy 😂

YANBU OP. A joke is only a joke if the recipient (target? listener? Not sure which word to use!) finds it funny. People say things that are off the mark without thinking/without bad intention but he should have apologised the second you pulled him up on it. If he wonders why you’re not falling over yourself to have sex with him - duh.

I am sure you looked lovely. Don’t let him bring you down.

The point is you and pp are massively reaching. You think the DH is obliquely referring to a particular episode of wearing a different suit from decades ago, the pp you agree with thinks the DH is referring to Mr Bean cross-dressing as a woman. How is that complimentary to OP?!

You are desperate to find a scenario that disproves OP, even though she has made clear that he has form for such mean comments. It's bizarre.

💯

I can only think they're invested in the DH being harmless because it reflects on their own marriages.

I quite like a funny comment about clothing choices but given that Mr Bean wears a brown suit and a red tie, I don’t really get what your DH is talking about.

It’s a really hurtful comment.

No wonder you don’t want to shag him…

My DH thinks he's a bit of a comedian. He's always making jokes which often I find annoying/insulting or maybe funny depending on my mood. I often tell him he's performing in his one-man-show to no audience 🤷‍♀️ but he doesn't care.