Fiance smashed my phone

[PinkLady365]

Hello

I am expecting a flaming but here goes.
I have a baby daughter. I live it the house my fiance bought with his ex. I moved in with him after we had dated for sometime. We always said he wanted to sell his house and for us to buy somewhere together. That was the plan. But as I look around there are so many unfinished big projects. He said he doesn't have the time to complete. He said I need to do more housework whilst on maternity leave so he isn't doing much in evenings and so can do this. I was puzzled as he does some housework in evenings, as do I, but he isn't picking up my slack. Also, it's maternity leave. Not housework leave.
Anyway, I have started doing lots of housework while trying to entertain a baby and I try and take my dog and baby out on walks to save a job later on (ie walking dog). But I have found that despite this, he will still relax after his work. Yes he is spending time with us as a family but not finishing major projects. Ie half painted rooms, ripped up toilet flooring, leaks never fixed, etc.

I have offered to pay for a handyman or decorator to fix these jobs but he refuses my money and I don't want to go ahead and book these jobs as I'm not on his title deeds.
Also, my little girls nursery is the room his ex girlfriend used to learn to pole dance. I feel uncomfortable about this and hate it. He said I'm unreasonable and I'm the only one who thinks this way. He never told me this, I snooped on her social media and recognised the room.

Anyway, it all came to head today as I stood on a nail head in the little bathroom (also flooring up!) And it ripped another hole in yet another pair of socks and went ballistic.
I started texting him and arguing saying I had enough. Telling to chose between me or the house. To get off his arse fix all projects etc. He then tells me he doesn't finish projects as I do f all around the house whilst on maternity leave. I listed everything I had done. He dismissed it. He then dismissed me saying I walk my dog and little girl together to save a job. He said I have only done this twice. I then listed all the dates as I checked all photo dates on my phone. He then started shouting. clesrly as i proved him wrong. Telling me im austic as i get fixated on tiny details. I shouted back. I told him he only has time for the things he wants to do and not house projects. He then told me he I was an abuser. I did stop him walking away from me many a times but I saw red. He then shouted in my face after tenth time i pulled him back and I just said to him "I'm not scared of a fat angry bastard like you". He then looked around and grabbed my phone and repeatedly threw it to the ground until it was smashed to bits. I now cannot use it as the screen has come off, literally.
He said to be together I need to change my ways but I have been pretty shaken. I have looked at hotels in area but don't want to leave my dog with him. I don't know what to do. He said he broke my phone due to his "years of abuse".
Did I cause this?

Regardless of who did or didn't do what, it has now escalated to violence (from both of you). There is no coming back from that. For the sake of your child and for your own sanity, you need to leave.

But if you ever want a successful relationship in the future, you need to do some self-reflection. Is your STBXH a lazy twat? Yes, of course, but surely you can understand how grating it must have been for him for you to be nagging him to do DIY on an evening after a long day at work, when you've been home all day also not doing DIY?

Fair enough, he told you not to spend money on a plumber, but clearly he hasn't asked you not to paint walls, and if you're constantly ripping your socks on nails in the floor, would it have been that hard to get a claw hammer and pull out the old nails?

I do all the DIY in our house, and one surefire way to get me to put down the tools and live in the equivalent of a crack den would be to ask me to do it all alone when I am the only one working full-time.

Then move out. For 2.5 years you also lived with those leaks, why is only he the joke?

Can you explain exactly what you've been doing to sort the DIY that you have such issues with for the 2.5yrs that it's not been done?

You've spent your maternity walking your dog and playing with your baby because you've declared "it's maternity leave, not housework leave" and then got the actual entitlement to call the working parent lazy because they don't continue to work on DIY chores after a full time work day that is paying for the house you live in.

One baby isn't a full time job, but you had to be told to do some housework. You could have easily painted a wall like he says. You fob it off pretending you've made enormous contribution by walking your own dog alongside taking your baby out for a leisurely wander. Perhaps a look in the mirror before you label others as lazy.

Having a baby isn't an excuse now, but it certainly wasn't an excuse before the baby was even here. Why did you nothing, and expect it all done for you, when you are expecting the value of this house put into your property purchase?

For clarity, I don't only go leisurely walks with baby and dog.
My day - get up change, feed baby. Play with baby. Do washing whether it's our clothes baby clothes.. towels, bedding, whatever. Load ot empty dishwasher. Pop washing in tumbledrier or outside. Go to playgroup. Go for walk after with baby and me or sometimes with my dog if I have no group. Afternoon is cleaning kitchen, living area, making dinner, etc.

Yep.

Now the entire time before the baby was born?

Him - after his work. Feeding his cats. Their feeding time coincides with him finishing work. Eating dinner or finishing dinner off. Looking after daughter for 30/60mins while I walk dog (if I didn't in evening). Then watching his favourite Netflix series or playing his PlayStation game! This all starts earlier if have already walked dog.

Before baby I would work in the office 5 days a week and commute for 1 hrs. He works from home. Evening or weekend housework would be 5o/50.

I didn't do much housework at start of maternity leave. I had a very dramatic birth so I was recovering as in pain most days and emotionally very tearfully thinking about birth. I have since started postnatal therapy for that.

So you worked full time and did sod all DIY.

How dare he...

Do you not walk your dog every day??

Popping a wash on, going to a play group and making dinner isn’t that hard. If I lived in a shithole with my baby I’d also be finding time to get the house sorted so it’s nice and safe for her. In fact I did do that. We lived in a doer upper when I had my first and I spent a huge amount of time fixing things up whilst looking after the baby on mat leave.

I have offered to help with DIY he has always refused and said their his jobs. Also, I moved in 6 months before the birth. So I loved in my own house that I had to run and do some diy to. He helped with the diy and I gave him a very generous present after the sale to buy stuff for his hobby. I have since offered to pay for all his work which he refuses. All I ask if give me it back, or a percentage of if, when house sells. And yes as pregnancy progressed I got bigger so he did do more around the house as I felt physically sick sometimes just moving! And yes, being on maternity leave is a full time job. See this people who think it's easy. He works full time and so do I. Actually, going back to my work would be blood easier! At least I had downtime with lunchbreaks etc.

I didn't bloody live with him most of that time!!!!!!

Has a midwife or health visitor ever visited the house OP? If so, what did they say?

If your fiancé couldn’t be arsed to sort the house out ready for his newborn then he’s a scumbag.

Sadly, he doesn’t give a shit about you or the baby.

So you haven't been living with it for 2.5yrs then?

Presumably your baby is less than 9mths, and you didn't move in until 6mths before it was born, you've been there for just over a year.

Can you not read? I walk dog during the day with baby if I'm not out at playgroups. I tend to take dog and baby in car to a secluded bit like ten minutes away to walk. My dog can get off the lead. If I don't do this during day. I walk dog only in evenings while partner looks after little one. I stay local and just walk her longer as she is on lead.

It?!
I said above I moved in 6 months above.
You're clever you, aren't you?
How many kids do you have?
Also are you male or female?

She said it would be good to see improvement made before little one is crawling and took a note. She isn't due to visit now until Feb.

I can't remember exact date I bloody moved. I started slowly moving over 6 months before because I still worked an hr away and commuted. When I moved in doesn't matter. He has done fuck all before I moved in and fuck all after.

You weren't asking me, but I'll reply.

Two kids, single mother to DD1 until she was 18 months old, and single mum to both after DH died when DD2 was 14.
Female, dog owner, full-time employed, part-time self-employed.

When I was heavily pregnant with DD1, I moved house, while on maternity leave, I laid flooring in the bathroom, kitchen and living room, painted the front room and tiled the bathroom, and I still managed to walk the dog and work part-time in my self-employed role.

You cannot even get a claw hammer and pull out some old nails, but your fiancé is the only lazy one in this "partnership"?

Funny how he is working on the bathroom. Ordered parts etc. When he hasn't for years. I am ashamed at how I acted today. I saw red. When I lived alone I did what needed and what I couldn't, I paid. He did help massively with painting but i was advised not to paint above shoulders and I had high ceilings.

Maybe we have both been lazy but I don't see how everyone is saying I'm the lazy one and he isn't.

Single mums always comment with attitude. You think because you raised your kids alone that no one else's problems matter because "you had it worst". Everyone else's feelings and experiences are invalid because you were a single mum!

I also walked my dog heavily pregnant. Everyday. Heh didn't once. He still doesn't. He didn't even walk her when I was in pain due to my stitches after birth. But insisted on let's get dressed and go out. He told me to dress up, wear something nice and to walk faster when I was in pain.

Oh I didn't work part time though I worked ft.

No, I don't think that at all. I think you are full of excuses. Mat leave is not a full-time job. If you genuinely think that you're in for a hell of a shock when you go back to work.

Is your fiancé lazy? Yes.
Have you been lazy? Also yes.

But you're not really in a position to trap him in a room to berate him over his laziness when you are no better. Although that does not excuse him from smashing your phone. You were both in the wrong.

Regardless, the relationship is toxic and needs to end for both your sakes, and you both have some growing up to do before entering another relationship.

But if I paint, fix nails, make his dinner, do housework, look after baby, walk dog, etc. What exactly is he doing? Oh yes, more PlayStation time.