Fiance smashed my phone

[PinkLady365]

Hello

I am expecting a flaming but here goes.
I have a baby daughter. I live it the house my fiance bought with his ex. I moved in with him after we had dated for sometime. We always said he wanted to sell his house and for us to buy somewhere together. That was the plan. But as I look around there are so many unfinished big projects. He said he doesn't have the time to complete. He said I need to do more housework whilst on maternity leave so he isn't doing much in evenings and so can do this. I was puzzled as he does some housework in evenings, as do I, but he isn't picking up my slack. Also, it's maternity leave. Not housework leave.
Anyway, I have started doing lots of housework while trying to entertain a baby and I try and take my dog and baby out on walks to save a job later on (ie walking dog). But I have found that despite this, he will still relax after his work. Yes he is spending time with us as a family but not finishing major projects. Ie half painted rooms, ripped up toilet flooring, leaks never fixed, etc.

I have offered to pay for a handyman or decorator to fix these jobs but he refuses my money and I don't want to go ahead and book these jobs as I'm not on his title deeds.
Also, my little girls nursery is the room his ex girlfriend used to learn to pole dance. I feel uncomfortable about this and hate it. He said I'm unreasonable and I'm the only one who thinks this way. He never told me this, I snooped on her social media and recognised the room.

Anyway, it all came to head today as I stood on a nail head in the little bathroom (also flooring up!) And it ripped another hole in yet another pair of socks and went ballistic.
I started texting him and arguing saying I had enough. Telling to chose between me or the house. To get off his arse fix all projects etc. He then tells me he doesn't finish projects as I do f all around the house whilst on maternity leave. I listed everything I had done. He dismissed it. He then dismissed me saying I walk my dog and little girl together to save a job. He said I have only done this twice. I then listed all the dates as I checked all photo dates on my phone. He then started shouting. clesrly as i proved him wrong. Telling me im austic as i get fixated on tiny details. I shouted back. I told him he only has time for the things he wants to do and not house projects. He then told me he I was an abuser. I did stop him walking away from me many a times but I saw red. He then shouted in my face after tenth time i pulled him back and I just said to him "I'm not scared of a fat angry bastard like you". He then looked around and grabbed my phone and repeatedly threw it to the ground until it was smashed to bits. I now cannot use it as the screen has come off, literally.
He said to be together I need to change my ways but I have been pretty shaken. I have looked at hotels in area but don't want to leave my dog with him. I don't know what to do. He said he broke my phone due to his "years of abuse".
Did I cause this?

Walk away. This is no kind of environment for your daughter.

Pack up your baby, and your dog, and move somewhere safer. You say you have money saved up. Use it.

You two can sort out coparenting your daughter when everybody is settled and safe.

I think you need to think of him as your soon to be ex-fiancé. I can absolutely understand why you lost it. As a previous poster said he controls you by simply folding his arms and refusing to make a safe home for the baby, by walking away from discussions, and by dishing out the silent treatment and sulking when you try to make him see sense.

He has no intention of fixing this house any time soon and nagging is not going to change him. Men like this leave houses like this for years. He may or may not be capable of doing the fixing but regardless he hasn't got the will. The house sounds positively dangerous and not a safe place for you or your daughter.

Please, please don't spend a penny of your money on his house - you're not on the deeds so it is for all intents and purposes money you are giving him. I mean does his ex - that he bought the house with - own half the house and be expecting her half when it sells. Even though he bought the house with her, she left - probably equally fed up with his behaviour.

You have put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position and I think marrying him would only compound the problem. You need to get out as I can't see anything getting better here. Have you any family you can stay with while you try to sort out some accommodation? You can start a claim for maintenance through the CMS. is he on the birth certificate - can still claim even if he isn't.

It strikes me that a man who systematically deconstructs one room after another has a screw missing. I'd run for the hills

Sums it up. The relationship is irretrievable and toxic and you, your child and dog need to leave and be somewhere else. Analysing any fault is pointless.

No you’re not. It is both of you

You both sound utterly appalling.

He may have had a plan when he started. I do DIY in a way that appears to others to be haphazard. For example, this time around, I started with the floor in the hall instead of the walls/skirting board, because the flooring was irritating me the most and would make the most difference to the overall look of the room. The old flooring was old, worn and musty; the wallpaper is not that bad.

My next step is to repair the living room floor and remove the beading because it's snapped and chipped in places. It makes sense to my brain to do that before I do painting and papering in the hall because I already have all the right tools out and the house is already covered in sawdust (no matter how much/often I vacuum, there is still sawdust everywhere). Then I will go back to finish the hall.

That does not explain why he didn't finish it, however.

Absolutely not. Don't liken me to the scum that buy/breed illegal dogs.

There is a thread at the moment where people who witnessed dv as children talk about their experiences and it is a horrible read. Don't do that to your child, OP

Who cares who is more in the wrong about which detail. This is an absolute shit show. Leave.

In my view, yes.

Please get some help so you don’t end up treating your children the same way. I’ve seen this play out in my own life - please end this relationship before you ruin your child’s future.

All I can see that he did wrong was smash your phone. He didn’t touch YOU like you did to him. There’s no excuse for this AT ALL.

You are both in the wrong and bringing a baby into the relationship when you are so toxic together makes it worse. Where were you living before moving in with him? Did you have your own house? The fact he had lived in a house with half done jobs for 2.5 years would have been a red flag for me and I would not have moved in. Him expecting you to do everything whilst on maternity leave would be another. You manhandling him and him smashing your phone shows you both struggle with anger management so I strongly suggest you work on that as undoubtedly this may be an issue if you have a child as they can test you severely. If you have a short fuse then this will end badly. Can you move out?

We have both said that we don't know if we want to be together anymore. We have agreed on space but he said not to sleep in spare room tonight, I am.
Funnily enough he has cracked on with the bathroom to "stop the nagging". He is loudly saying out loud that he is ordering the parts and what he needs. He also keeps reminding me that he isn't doing it for me, he is doing this for him, as he cannot take anymore abuse. Man is a joke. It's only taken you 2.5 years. 2.5 years too late.

No he’s not a joke. You’re still doing it aren’t you?

He's a joke to be cracking on with fixing a leak and saying its to stop the nagging. After 2.5 years!!

He also said to be with me he needs to see effort. I said I won't be putting in effort until we both decide tot be together. In the meantime, this is dead.

But why couldn't you do it while he was at work? I can't imagine a leak that could not be at least temporarily fixed with some Frog Tape or putty.

So it’s ok for her to lay her hands on him? Abuse him verbally?

She is also 100% in the wrong. There’s so defence just because she’s a woman.

Erm no. There's two leaks. One he cannot locate but refuses to pay a plumber. Hence why hot water has been offer for years. The other is coming from wall structure?! Wtf am I to do? I offered to pay to have it fixed, no matter the cost. But yes I'll add that to my daily fucking to do list. Fix leaks - check. Anything else to make this man's life easier? Perhaps wipe his arse?

You can do something other than complain about what he is not doing to fix the house, while you are also not fixing the house. Why do you need his permission/help to call a plumber?

Because he said he doesn't me to get someone in to fix things he can when he gets to them. It's his house. My name not on the deeds.

What i mean is, if it were my house, jointly owned, name on deeds, I would absolutely Just call someone whether he likes it or not. Oh I have also offered to give him some of my house money to buy a % of his house so it's owned by both. He said no.

There is not a single thing in your description of your relationship that implies mutual respect, liking, effective co-parenting, fairness.
Do your child and dog a favour and break up.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What do you want to do? What do you think is the best solution for everyone involved?

I feel an anxious horrible knot in my stomach and nausea reading this. It's like a horrible relationship I was in when very young. You could try joint counselling if you are both very determined but it sounds very much like you will be stuck with this and worse and you really need to get away. I'm so sorry, you must feel awful at the moment, but I think you need to leave with some dignity for everyone's safety.