Fiance smashed my phone

[PinkLady365]

Hello

I am expecting a flaming but here goes.
I have a baby daughter. I live it the house my fiance bought with his ex. I moved in with him after we had dated for sometime. We always said he wanted to sell his house and for us to buy somewhere together. That was the plan. But as I look around there are so many unfinished big projects. He said he doesn't have the time to complete. He said I need to do more housework whilst on maternity leave so he isn't doing much in evenings and so can do this. I was puzzled as he does some housework in evenings, as do I, but he isn't picking up my slack. Also, it's maternity leave. Not housework leave.
Anyway, I have started doing lots of housework while trying to entertain a baby and I try and take my dog and baby out on walks to save a job later on (ie walking dog). But I have found that despite this, he will still relax after his work. Yes he is spending time with us as a family but not finishing major projects. Ie half painted rooms, ripped up toilet flooring, leaks never fixed, etc.

I have offered to pay for a handyman or decorator to fix these jobs but he refuses my money and I don't want to go ahead and book these jobs as I'm not on his title deeds.
Also, my little girls nursery is the room his ex girlfriend used to learn to pole dance. I feel uncomfortable about this and hate it. He said I'm unreasonable and I'm the only one who thinks this way. He never told me this, I snooped on her social media and recognised the room.

Anyway, it all came to head today as I stood on a nail head in the little bathroom (also flooring up!) And it ripped another hole in yet another pair of socks and went ballistic.
I started texting him and arguing saying I had enough. Telling to chose between me or the house. To get off his arse fix all projects etc. He then tells me he doesn't finish projects as I do f all around the house whilst on maternity leave. I listed everything I had done. He dismissed it. He then dismissed me saying I walk my dog and little girl together to save a job. He said I have only done this twice. I then listed all the dates as I checked all photo dates on my phone. He then started shouting. clesrly as i proved him wrong. Telling me im austic as i get fixated on tiny details. I shouted back. I told him he only has time for the things he wants to do and not house projects. He then told me he I was an abuser. I did stop him walking away from me many a times but I saw red. He then shouted in my face after tenth time i pulled him back and I just said to him "I'm not scared of a fat angry bastard like you". He then looked around and grabbed my phone and repeatedly threw it to the ground until it was smashed to bits. I now cannot use it as the screen has come off, literally.
He said to be together I need to change my ways but I have been pretty shaken. I have looked at hotels in area but don't want to leave my dog with him. I don't know what to do. He said he broke my phone due to his "years of abuse".
Did I cause this?

I really worry for your little baby if this is the way you and your partner behave. Shouting at each other, name-calling, physically grabbing and dragging him back, him smashing the phone - frankly you both sound completely out of control.

You need to be the adult in this situation - stop trying to work out who's the worst behaved (it doesn't matter - you both behaved badly) and start thinking about leaving. He is not bothered about doing up the house or buying a place with you - if he was, he'd be getting on with it. You need to find a place for you and baby and move out. This toxic relationship is damaging and your little one deserves better.

I don't know how to calmly speak about house anymore.

Moving in with him and then having a baby we’re not good decisions. Really, what were you thinking??

But the baby is here now. Leave and put her first.

You've got an excuse for manhandling him! You are both as bad as each other and yet again a poor wee baby born into this dysfunctional shit show

I voted YABU because it'd be unreasonable to stay with him.
He sounds horrible. An uncaring, whiny man baby who thinks he's some sort of "Alpha male" because he goes out to work.
You need to leave.

He’s a lazy git and has been testing your patience. I’d be surprised if you hurt him by touching him but honestly get out while you can. He is bigger and stronger than you so you can’t win physically and it should not come to this xx

^should have said you haven't exactly covered yourself in glory either.
Your child doesn't deserve to be subjected to such a toxic relationship as a home life.

I don't know how many more conversations I can gave about house. I know it isn't an excuse but I saw red. The house it's a junk yard. He promised he would sort and prioritise a few days a week and nothing.

You're 100% wrong , you manhandled him repeatedly and verbally abused him. He absolutely is wrong to smash your phon. In what planet is this okay for your child. From a young age children know what's going on. You need help.

My daughter deserves better. We all do. So many arguments about the house. We don't argue it bicker about anything else. I do feel ashamed.

Don’t have any. You moved into it when it was a dump. He is not going to change so stop hoping for a miracle.

As said by everyone else, this relationship is toxic. You are being completely irresponsible if you stay with a helpless baby in the middle of a toxic relationship

Did you post about similar previously? No you did n’t cause it although manhandling him wasn’t helpful. The relationship is toxic and you need to find a way out, for your dd if not yourself. If you have funds can you find a rental?

It’s gone beyond that now. It no longer matters.

Are you listening to anything you’re being told here? The relationship is over. Move out.

You don’t continue to have conversations about this now. You need to accept that it’s now time to separate to protect your baby. They should not be growing up in an environment where mum is grabbing dad and dad is smashing mum’s phone. You need to prioritise your baby over the dog until you can sort things out.

He usually works from home but us going into office whole day tomorrow. Me and daughter will sleep in nursery. I'll think all options then. Too emotional. My daughter was laughing just there in her sleep that broke my heart.

I have my house money. I will think what I do going forward.

You are 100% wrong.

"I know it isn't an excuse BUT..." is, without question, an attempt by you to excuse your behaviour.

This has gone way beyond a reasonable discussion about DIY. Your relationship is a dumpster fire. The way you two behave towards each other and talk to each other is atrocious. FFS, you have a small child that you have brought in to this shit show. The relationship is dead. It's six feet under. It's pushing up the daisies. It's over. What you do now is forget about the state of the house and start making plans to move out asap before things get even worse.

It's just toxic all round
It kind of makes me think of my ex relationship
Best advice I can give is to break up. It's very toxic which is very unhealthy and very unlikely to improve
Best to realise this sooner than later

Fucking Nora, how do people live like this? You need to get away from each other for the sake of your baby. Give the dog up if you have to, for the sake of your baby.

Yes of course he was wrong to smash your phone but you were wrong for manhandling him and using abusive words. The bit about the room his ex-girlfriend used to spend time in is just straight up unhinged. Do you blame him for that somehow? I’d say he’s right that nobody else thinks like that. I can’t even imagine what your train of thought is that it’s an issue?

Move out then. Get your own place. Where did you live before moving in with him?

From what you’ve said you repeatedly followed him around to stop him walking away from an argument, , grabbed or “manhandled” him, then after the “tenth time you’d pulled him back” you called him a fat angry bastard.

This is ridiculous behaviour with a child in the house. Whatever it was over - forget the bathroom floor.

If you hate his house so much move out, don’t start violence and then complain he’s damaged your phone.

I wouldn't like to live in the house the way you describe it, especially with a baby.

But, do you part own the house or have any legal stake in it? If not, bugger it-leave it be and go on your way. Leave anyway but it will be much easier if this house has nothing to do with you,

I did say up thread but just want to repeat it...no matter how annoying/stupid/insulting and angry a man might be-please don't manhandle him or pull him back physically.

This time, he smashed your phone-next time he could lash out and smash your face.

I have seen the result of an out of control man being pulled back by an angry woman and I advise every woman on here not to do it.

Things should not be getting physical with a baby in the house. Also, what about when the baby starts walking / toddling? You can’t be dealing with nails sticking out, it’s not safe.

I sympathise as I used to go out with a builder who could never be arsed with his own property. Basically, if the roof was on then it looked fine to him as he was used to working on actual building sites all day. Nothing was ever finished and he refused to pay someone to do a job he could easily do himself. But then would never do it. Exhausting. But really not cool when there are kids around.

Air bnb for now until you find somewhere more permanent
At least you'd have some peace

No you aren't but your relationship is, it needs to end. The house will never be fixed, neither will this relationship.