MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

I think the only 'demand' here is here, is coming from you.

There’s lots of people that would spend their kids’ birthday money and if MIL knows money is tight it might be a real worry that it’s not going to her Grandchild’s future. Also, OP should have guided MIL to make suitable choices as gifts, she’s had a few years to get it right. Clothes / shoes, voucher for a day out with Grandma as she gets older etc.

Another precious parent over their MIL.

Get a grip.

As someone said earlier, its a present for them not you!

You can't control everything and everyone around you.

Perfectly reasonable for her to want to give an actual gift. Just pick something from what you intend to buy and have her buy it. That’s what I always did.

Overstepped?? That’s a fucking laugh !

I think you’re missing the spirit of Christmas a wee bit … I do understand how you feel but Christmas is about sharing love and joy, I can’t wait to spoil my grandchildren, and love to see my parents and MIL do the same to theirs. I do think you are getting hung up on the small things and not seeing the bigger picture of what matters. Sometimes things like this annoy me but I take a deep breath… lean into it, message your mil , share ideas and tell her what you’re buying, what you’re excited about, what she could add. I promise you will feel better than the tightness in your chest you are experiencing right now x

It's definitely normal. If space is a big issue, I would think of physically smaller gifts she could buy or go in the direction of clothes etc that she needs. How about a new coat? Or bedding set or something? Also can't really have too many books.

My ILs drive me crazy as even when we give suggestions they still show up with massive boxes full of bits and bobs all wrapped up, as if they are trying to compete with us and Santa combined, but it is what it is! We are just thankful our kids are loved and thought about, and some things do get re-gifted/donated etc.

It’s not often I side with the MiL on these sorts of threads, but you sound really grabby. Can you really not see why a grandmother would rather give a physical gift to her grandchild, that’s fun to open, instead of cash or a voucher?

Where is the joy in transferring money?

All six of my adult nephews want money this Christmas. I will do it but am not best pleased. It is so transactional. Nothing to open to say thank you for.

She wants to give a present, she was asking for an idea of a toy they would appreciate she feels it is a bit boring giving money/voucher. Give her a suggestion that will be exciting for the child but not too big to store.

The great thing about gift giving is you get to choose what you gift. It’s not overbearing, it’s literally what gift giving is about.

YABU for being pissed off with MIL. It’s not really overstepping for her to want to give her grandchild an actual present. Maybe suggest smaller items that take up less space? Or a day out/activity she can take child to? Panto, zoo etc.

It is a bit shit for the parents when the grandparents' presents are better than the parents' presents.

Have you tried asking her if she'll go in on a big present with you?

My best ever present was from my grandparents. My parents had no money (tbh my grandparents didn't have much either) so my grandad made a Chopper bike from various old Choppers found at dumps. It even had a bespoke purple and silver airbrushed paint job - he learned how to do this just for the bike. I cannot tell you the incredible joy this brought me and the GP's were chuffed to bits at my obvious delight. My grandad was even a bit teary - I was THAT happy.

My parents were just pleased that I had a present they would have found impossible to give me.

Joy - that's what you want at Christmas. Joy that you remember forever.

I thought that too, wicked MIL was demanding a huge diamond ring or something!
Your poor MIL, words not often seen on MN!

My late MIL would tell our children that she had bought them more Premium Bonds and give them a small selection box.

Can you give MIL some suggestions of what DC would like - board games, clothes, Lego, a doll, things that your DC will love without them being the “wow” present - this is what we do and DP always makes sure that it’s us that’s giving the item that will be loved the most!

It’s not always the biggest or most expensive gift that will be loved the most - last year DS favourite gift was a multipack of Hot Wheels cars that cost £10.00 in Asda and came from Santa.

Why are you so insecure about your MIL buying your child gifts? Do you think DC will love her granny more than you?
I think you are being Very unreasonable.

It’s up to your MIL what gifts she buys her grandchild. Best way to solve it is for your DP to give gift ideas to MIL.

You are coming across as being controlling and quite hard work.

Vouchers and cash in savings is a shit present for small DCs. There’s nothing open which is the actual point of the gift. You are being not only unreasonable but ridiculous. Why shouldn’t grandma buy her DGCs a nice present and have the pleasure of watching them open it with excitement.

I could be wrong (and influenced by my own circumstances) but I didn't read this as OP saying only she and her DH should be able to buy physical presents - more that DMIL was buying the same physical presents that they'd wanted to buy.

I can sympathise with that - my DMIL has a habit of asking what we are getting for the DC and what we think she should get. She then ignores the latter and buys the former, which has been a bit annoying with "milestone" type presents like the DC's first bike.

A grandparent giving a present and being excited to see a grandchild open is a perfectly reasonable part of being a grandparent, and brings both parties joy.

She’s not bringing a sack of plastic market tat.

You could suggest a small-volume gift within MIL’s budget for her to give, and then you spend less and put the difference in savings .

I don't think it's your MIL who's making the "demand" here, is it? She wants to give a present. You are demanding money instead.

I wonder if this was a bot - based in user name and hasn’t returned.

I know people are busy/work etc. but if you’ve just posted then surely you’d return sooner.