MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

Yes as long as they are allowed to get the money out of the ‘savings’ account and buy something with it. A contribution for their first house deposit when they are 9 is probably not quite so well received!

You say you feel overstepped, but to me it sounds very controlling to ban a grandparent from buying a christmas present that can be enjoyed and appreciated in the moment. Sensible saving for the future is all very well, but there is also the possibility of joy in the giving and receiving of thoughtful gifts.

Are your children old enough to be asked what they might like? There must be something that is sufficiently small in volume enough not to cause your house to burst if given?

@Choux that's why I said older children.

😂

Sorry OP YABU, both people get pleasure out of gift giving, she probably feels that's she's missing out in the joy of giving a physical present. You don't have the right to tell MIL to always give a voucher or money because you can't save

My granny always asks me to send her what my kids want. She would never do money but is more than happy to order and collect a toy that I know they'd enjoy. She says she would rather buy something they'll use than a duplicate or something they won't ever play with. So when I make my Christmas list for the kids I typically pick one of the presents (usually around 40 as that's her budget) that I section off as 'from granny'. So I know it's been purchased and don't need to worry about buying it myself. It's easy to make this work for any age range or gift size. This year my daughter has a pram for her reborn baby and my granny is SO excited to see her face!

DC liked getting voucher/cash from GPs and then go shopping with them to choose his present. It was his special treat with them. It would invariably involve lunch too which was an added bonus!

Children do not want money for a savings account for Christmas. That’s so boring! They want presents to open and toys to play with! It comes across a bit grabby from you as you’re saying you can’t afford to put money in a savings account for their future, so you’re using their grandparents to do so.
I see nothing wrong in tne grandparents wanting to get the children toys. If they ask, give them some suggestions.

Giving a gift is so much nicer for a Grandparent- there must be something she can get!

YWNBU to limit gifts if they were : a dirt bike, a huge vanity mirror you don’t have any room for, the top range iPhone for your 3 year old.

YABVVU to dictate that no one besides you is allowed to give any physical present at all. The joy of gifts is in the giving and you are denying this from her family who love her. Sticking money in an account that she has no access to is rubbish and not very Christmasy at all.

It’s not a competition as to who gives the best gifts. Let her give your child a gift, I’m sure they will very much enjoy it.

Yes. It’s about the joy kids get opening presents. Asking for money to stash is a bit clinical

This.

You can't afford to get your kids the presents they'd like, so instead of being thrilled that someone else gives them nice things, you view it as you being out done? Your preference is that the kids get effectively nothing. Because I assure you - to a child, money in a savings account is nothing.

It's very rude to ask for money when they've said they would like to buy a gift.

You've taken away the joy of actually giving from them.

Come up with something that they will use and doesn't take up too much space and suggest that.

Ask for them to take her on a day trip rather than buying an item or insist that any gifts will need to stay at their house.

I think you and your DH are in the wrong here.

I hate giving money or gift cards. I much prefer giving a gift.

Why not give her a small list of suggestions for her to choose from?

Look, there were plenty of times when money was tight for me as a single parent. There were plenty of times my kids got from their grandparents things I wish I could have provided. Did it sting? Yes. Was that my cross to bear? YES! I’m not going to let my child go without because my ego will be bruised seeing someone in their twilight years get their grandchild a treat for Christmas.

You really need to give your head a good shake here. You think this is about the child, it isn’t. It’s about yourself and how it makes you feel. You want all the firsts, you want to provide all the nice things and treats. Let go a little. It won’t kill you. Your child won’t love you less. Seriously. Unclench and let your child have a nice Christmas, even if you haven’t got them every single present.

My mum was the same. Got so much pleasure from giving my DC something they loved. She died when they were very young and I love that they have things she bought them as a tangible reminder of how much care she put into their gifts. DS in his 20s still has a beloved toy she got him on a shelf, and it's moved from place to place with him over the years. I would have had no business denying either of them that.

Do you like to see the joy in your daughter’s face when you give a gift? Would you prefer to not give her anything and put all the money in savings?

little kids love presents. I think you’re being very selfish not to let your child’s own grandparents give her at least one gift. Young children have no concept of money, so I don’t see how it’s taking anything away from you (which is an odd thing to say anyway) as your child won’t know she’s spent more than you.

"Demand"🙄🙄

which took away from what we as parents were able to do
yabvu

she isn’t stepping on toes she has asked what dc would like. Just be a normal person and let her buy a physical gift.

I understand how you feel. But a gift is voluntary and you can’t really dictate what she gives if she didn’t go with the suggestion. She’s entitled to buy a gift and see the joy of them opening or using it. Just look at it as a nice thing they want to do.

When I was little my grandparents used to give me a charm for my charm bracelet. I had charms on it from when I was born. So grandparents got to see me open something and my parents didn’t have to store anything big or cumbersome.

Could that be an option?

There is a middle ground here though.

give her suggestions for physically smaller presents. I do feel for you as my MiL bought a trampoline for our postage stamp garden. 🙄😂