MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

Am I the only person who expected a thread entitled “MIL Christmas present demand” to be a thread about a MIL demanding a Christmas present?!? Geez. Does your daughter not need anything at all? Shoes? A coat? Pyjamas? Slippers? Dressing gown? Towels? A swimming costume? A set of bedding? A blanket? Your poor MIL.

I'm with your MiL here, I'd be mortified telling my parents that No they can't buy my kids a Christmas present, they should just pay money into a bank account. Children know its Christmas, they know their grandparents love them, surely they expect a gift and nothing beats seeing a child unwrap something youve carefully chosen, theyre always so gleeful. Advise on something dd will like, use or consume and then tick it off your list as something you don't need to buy. Who cares which person gives her the gift, the important thing is dd has people who love her and gifts she adores.

We have a similar arrangement with my parents. They give dc annual passes to local attractions as their main Christmas present, but as my Mum wanted to give them something to unwrap she does a Christmas box too, with sweets/chocolates/other consumables, a bit like a stocking, all individually wrapped. They love it. Could something like this work for her?

It’s you who’ve overstepped. She didn’t offer you money, she offered a gift and when someone offers a gift it is extremely rude to say “no thanks I’ll have cash”.

You are unreasonable to demand money. Gift giving is supposed to be a pleasure for both the giver and the receiver (neither of which is you).

Why not accept gracefully and gratefully

No child I’ve ever met wakes up on Christmas morning hoping they’ll get a deposit in their savings account. As practical as that is from a parental point of view, your MIL wants to give some joy to her grandchild. I think you’re a grinch and YABU.

OK if this was a present for you and you get tat you wanna throw in the bin, weird pet peeve but maybe.
But this is a present not for you but for your childand you're being very mean spirited over this. You make it into some competition in your head, or maybe there are specific things you want to get with the money she gives. She wants to treat a grandchild, not stuff them with cashfor you to spend, it's not really hard to get why.

Suggest both and compromise.

I am a nanny and don’t want to buy more than my lovely granddaughter is getting from her mum and dad. I also don’t want to get stuff she doesn’t want or has no space for so it makes life stressful in their house, so what I have always done is buy a few small things and put the rest of the budget into a bank account that she will have when she wants big or for a school trip or when she is older. I am not talking trust fund amounts but it will all add up.

For example I always get her what I get my children (I did check they were happy with this when she was born incase they wanted to start their own traditions) - so new pjs for Christmas Eve, chocolate coins and slipper or normal socks. Then this year I got her a playdoh set reduced to £6 from £18 on Amazon, a Anna doll from Amazon £6 ( she is getting Elsa from Father Christmas), new washable felt pens and colouring book and a Bluey umbrella £2.99 from TK Maxx and I will pop some money in the bank. So I can see her get excited and use the things she gets but it’s not meaning she’s getting far too much stuff. She is not quite four yet but it seems to work well for us all. Is something similar do-able ?

I actually thought the thread was gonna be about a bitch MIL demanding presents for hersell lol, not beign generous to buy your kid's gifts.

Try and be grateful and gracious OP, some people don’t even have living parents anymore
@User28884995

I agree with this 👆

Just feeling overstepped

Really?!

Surely you can understand that it's nice for a grandparent to choose a present for their grandchild!? Just suggest one of the things you wanted to get them.

I feel really sorry for the grandma here.

I have to agree with this. Gifting becoming all about money or vouchers takes all the pleasure out for the giver, I don't think its unreasonable of her to want to choose and gift an actual present

I think it's fair to want to give an actual gift and good that she's asked for some guidance so you can at least suggest things and steer away from giant toys. I screenshot books and clothes my child might like and send to people so we don't just get toys. (He does actually like to read and the clothes I suggest might have minecraft characters on or something, not just plain clothes.)

I think it's you overstepping by trying to dictate she parts with money without having the joy of choosing a gift.

Gift-giving isn't supposed to be operated like tax collection.

Can You make a list of gifts that can be wrapped that your children would like and that you have space for? Give list to people who want to buy gifts and ask them to let you know what they’re getting. Even limit to one thing and ask for money for savings accounts as main present. Is this a compromise?

I mean why don't you just say: "Very politely, we would actually prefer to spend your money for you."

My in-laws had much more money than we did when the children were small. The children benefited from some wonderful presents that we could have never have afforded. Did we care? Not one iota. We were just so pleased that our children had some very special gifts. Do they love their grandparents more than us? No they don’t.

I get not wanting to fill your home with guff. But I don’t think it’s fair for you to micromanage your ILs gifts so that the dc prefer your gifts. Xmas day should be about your dc, not about you.

More so the kid.

Why isn't she allowed to give the present she wants to give? Why do you have to control it?

You are being controlling op.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to see a child opening a gift from you and see the joy it brings. You need to start thinking of things that are useful but also fun for a child. For example (I don’t know the age of your child) we have a Tonie box that has even used every night for two years now and gives the perfect opportunity for people to buy the figures for it without spending a fortune. We have about 20 figures and they all fit in a small box. My daughter has a nomination bracelet and loves receiving charms for it at Christmas and they’re quite reasonably priced and again is small and meaningful. Board games are good because you can play them as a family and are easy to store usually. I can see why you don’t want massive presents and a load of stuff that ends up getting thrown away but someone giving money as a gift doesn’t actually get to see what happens to it or any joy (teenagers excluded) it brings.

You need to have suggestions of physical things ready for MIL that you think are reasonable. Then you need to let her get on with it and stop being so controlling.