MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

One answer to the lack of space thing is to ask for something that is consumable, like a bath bomb making kit.

Yes, I had to re-read that as it made me raise an eyebrow.

It’s very joyless for a gp to just give money or vouchers to their gc.

I don’t understand what the voucher would be for?

Oh, it’s one of those threads.

I guess we won’t be hearing back from OP then.

I think it's totally reasonable to want to give a physical gift. I'd prefer to give the child joy now rather than when they are 18. If space is an issue, suggest something small, or something that will be used up, like art supplies.

That is a practical and logical solution but I think the issue on this thread - as on so many of these "MIL is banned from buying x" threads - is that it isn't so much about the children being delighted, it certainly isn't about MIL enjoying giving, it's about the op being the one to "get the credit" for providing the only stuff she wants coming over her threshold.

Sorry but I see it as more you are the one demanding things - you are demanding money when she has asked for something to give

It’s a bit crass to insist on money or vouchers only. Surely you could suggest something small that wouldn’t take up much space? It can feel like a really empty experience giving someone cash as a present, especially a child. I’m assuming you’re buying present type items with the gift vouchers so why not let MIL buy her the actual item instead?

Would be nice to ask if she could get something useful like books or clothes if she is set on buying a gift

Agree with the others - totally reasonable to want to give a physical gift and I actually think she’s been very considerate in asking you what she can get for DD rather than just choosing something herself. She wants to make sure whatever she gets will be something DD actually wants AND has your approval.

Pop anything that you can’t store on Vinted if she’s not going to listen to you lol

This is tricky, I must be abit precious OP as I see where you are coming from. what does your partner/husband feel? i'd just buy what you want and ignore her, if she gets the same thing that's her issue for not listening or respecting the guidance you've given. I find it odd that others don't seem bothered about certain toys being special to purchase. Grandparents have had their turn so should respect the parents. especially if space is an issue. not sure if that helps but i'm sorry for you.

We have always been controlled by one of our dc when it comes to presents and we look at the dgc faces when they open the present and see their faces. Oh. Another voucher to go shopping with a parent to be told what to buy with said voucher. The parents are happy but the children not so.

I would not give money so physical gift or nothing imo, money or similar is not a gift it is a demand and grabby I feel

You want money.
Your kid will want a present to unwrap on the day.
She wants to give her grandkid a present on Christmas day and you think she's pushing boundaries 🙄 my goodness woman. In this instance I think it's you who is being totally unreasonable.

YABU to think it takes anything away from what you’re able to do.

Surely there’s a compromise to be reached? My own parents spend (what I feel is) silly money on my DC at Christmas and birthday. They are separated and each spend around £150 on DC for each occasion. Birthday and Christmas also fall within 6 weeks of each other so it’s just far too much stuff.
They now give “something to open” - maybe £10-20 value and put some money in DCs savings.

DGs love seeing the look on their little faces when they open the gift. Suggest something that MIL can buy. Vouchers/money don't have that same wow factor as a physical present for kids.

MIL wants to buy her grandchild a gift, I demand that she does not - a far better heading.

OP has done a bunk anyway.

Kids don't really think too much about who gives them what present, particularly when young. They definitely don't equate it with who cares most for them. When older they will be perfectly happy with cash - though they may want to spend rather than save. You're not competing with MiL, just give her a couple of suggestions to choose from.

I think OP was hoping this would be a MIL bashing thread. Never mind.

That’s not what OP is suggesting.

@MrsSkylerWhite I know. I was just responding to the many posts saying children don’t like getting money/voucher as a present

Well we know she likes things all her way ...

I think asking for cash/vouchers is rude. I'd be offended, don't now push your luck.

If it's a gift you'd have preferred came from you then match the value & put the amount in your childs savings account yourself & let MIL buy it. If your child is getting presents from others then it'll save you buying things so you can put what you would've spend in their savings account.