MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

This 100pc

Not only are you being unreasonable you are being extremely ungrateful.

You feel like your MIL is “overstepping” because she’s buying her grandchild physical gifts to open.

Good grief.

People can give gifts to other people / children whenever they wish. They dont have to ask permission.

My MIL used to ask what to buy then get annoyed 🤷‍♀️when suggestions were made. I quickly learnt not to engage, as MIL would do as she wanted anyway.
If your MIL is buying huge gifts like bikes etc, that are usually the preserve of the parent, I can see why you might be pissed off.

How is the MIL being the demanding one here? You can't just tell people what to buy you and your kids for Christmas!

Has she bought things you wanted to buy - meaning either you couldn’t or your child ended up with 2 ? Or is it because you want to be able to buy them but you can’t and you have a bit of jealousy over that?

jealousy is understandable but it’s your child misses out.

I think it’s unreasonable to demand only money - unless it’s huge items. You can always say just don’t get xyz as we are getting that

I could never stop my parents/ in laws buying presents! It gives them so much joy! I’d either just accept they are getting a lot of presents or buy less myself and put money into savings.

Yabu and Abit controlling. What can't a Granny buy a present for their grandchild. Suggest a few things your dc needs.

10 pages of people replying to User28884995 only post.

If you want your kids to have more money and less gifts then you need to be the one to give them more money and less gifts, not demand that others do.

I agree. My MIL drives me crazy with this. We see her about every 6 weeks and she will buy each of them at least 6 presents each time. We don’t have the space and I don’t think they need it. So now Xmas here she is going totally crazy whilst pleading poverty at same time. So I totally get it, I’d feel same as you.

Let her give the gift. It will bring joy to your child and your mother in law.

They don’t return if they don’t get the outcome they wanted .

When I was a child and grandparents or aunties gave extravagant gifts, I never once thought ‘that’s amazing compared to the shit present my parents/santa gave me’ they’re not taking away from what you’ve gifted! They’re being generous. Allow them to give a physical gift, that you will use/child will appreciate! At least they’re asking

Demand?? Oh how dare she

I see in real life as well as posts on various forums/people chatting re Christmas presents as to whether a person has bought enough presents for loved ones, then follows a long list of items purchased and for many years now I've been left wondering why, mainly DC get so much more spent on them when it's Jesus's birthday than they do when it's their actual own special day.

Yes, I realise my mind thinks useless thoughts at times....and yes my own DC got more than a satsuma and a net of chocolate coins.

We don’t have much space for a lot of toys either. Thankfully most relatives realise this. MIL has opted to buy DD a charm bracelet and for her birthdays and Christmases she buys a new charm for it. She also puts money into her savings account and buys a couple of books.

Money means nothing to kids but getting a nicely wrapped gift is much more exciting
Tell them what you think is appropriate

Hi op,

she can choose what to give. But you can put boundaries though… mine are : « if it is big, noisy or alive » it says at grandma. Guess what? She never offered noisy, big stuff that looks good for the giver but a headache for everyone else!

She wants to give something and is asking what. Seems considerate to me

Grandparents just cant help themselves - they love the grandkids so much
Totally get it........
BUT maybe just one nice gift for each child and give the rest as money

Why not let her get the gift, then put the money you would have spent into the savings account?

Unreasonable and unpleasant. How could you deny the mutual pleasure of your child and her grandmother at Christmas...you should be ashamed.

This

YABVVU