MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

I hate giving vouchers or money to kids op, to me that’s something you do during the year, Christmas is for getting to pick something in a toy shop

God as parents you sound joyless.

let her granny buy her a bloody present ffs

Your answer should be "thank you so much, do you have a gift in mind or would you like some suggestions"
Mil wants your daughter to feel that she is special. Handing over cash, never to be seen again isn't special.

You can't gatekeep presents

It's her money she can buy what ever the heck she likes

Why don't you give your children cash or put into their savings? Let the grandparents give the wrapped gifts.
No?
So there you go.

Part of the joy of Christmas is buying gifts for the children and grandchildren. I’d not be amused either if all I was allowed to give was money! You’ll get plenty of time to do that when they’re teenagers as that’s what the kids actually want. No little child would choose money over toys no matter if the toys cost less than the money they would have received! You’re looking at it from an adult POV, try looking from your kids’ view…would it be ok for Father Christmas to just bring them money and vouchers?? That’s a fun Christmas morning..not!

Does she have form for buying big presents like bikes and trampolines etc? I don't think she's being UR to want to give a physical gift. I would thank her for being thoughtful and remind her space is a bit of an issue. Let her know what you're planning on buying so she doesn't buy the same thing.

Maybe direct her towards something like craft supplies which will get used up, or if there's a series of books she's enjoying reading. I find it hard to believe there's nothing small she could buy, which your daughter would appreciate and wouldn't take up too much space.

You sound like hard work.

YABTU! Your poor MIL! I for one would be grateful for anything my DC got for a gift. My DM & DF have always just given my DC money every Christmas as they are quite elderly and don’t have the opportunity. ( Live on a small place, lots of health issues). You seem so ungrateful. As one PP put, they’re not going to be around forever, cherish these days whilst your DD still believes in the magic of Christmas. Stop being so nasty to your MIL who is only being nice.

that's easy, the big bulky shit stay at grand-parents!

We've done that with gold fish and the big fish tank that went with it. MIL was very miffed when we confirmed it stayed at hers 😂.

Sorry, OP, but it's none of your business! Be thankful that your DCs have grandparents who care about what they want. Your finances might be tight, but it shouldn't influence your MILs gifting choices.

I’m the MIL in this situation. The parents of one DGS aged 8 only ever want trainers for him at Christmas. (They’re not poor.) We’d be happy to buy those any time. The parents of two DGD (aged 6 and 11)want cash for their savings accounts and on one memorable occasion, requested for the girls birthdays, door furniture for their new bedroom refurbs. (They’re well off). 🤷‍♀️

My mother always bought the great grand children a classic book. She died a few years ago but they treasure their bookshelves of books.

Children love to receive presents, especially if it is something that they really want. They usually aren't interested in cash or vouchers until they are older. Don't take that away from them.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all in MIL’s part. Money can be impersonal for some people.

Also you cannot blame MIL for getting gifts that you wanted to give or feel like you should have gave. It sounds like you are a little jealous she is in a position to do this as you mentioned savings and not being in a position to do this.

Maybe discuss gifts or send links to things your daughter would appreciate.

As PP have said, suggestions are a bit hard to make without knowing DD’s age but, if space is the problem, could you suggest something that DD really wants but is also useful and she needs; The latest backpack for school that all the cool kids have? The trendy dance shoes if she dances? Has she outgrown any uniform for something like Brownies? Lessons in something she’s been nagging you to try (possibly plus associated kit/clothing etc)?

It’s normal for a grandparent to want to give their grandchild a physical gift at Christmas. It’s cheeky and tacky to expect them to hand over cash instead.

So send her a gift idea they will like.

You’re being unnecessarily unkind to her. It’s perfectly normal to want to get your grandchildren a physical gift that they will associate with the giver.

Agree. I also like the fact she is asking (because one of the grandparents in our family used to just bring anything he'd found at the car boot sale, and often these weren't safe for under 3s, and I hate to sound rude or ungrateful for presents).
Maybe giving MIL a list of presents you like, but which won't clash with/duplicate yours is the way to go? Or go shopping with her. My mum used to take the grandmas out shopping with her, while the grandads babysat. They all lived a few hours apart at that time, so they all just caught a train to the biggest city that was in the middle. I couldn't do that due to weekend work and one of the grandparents being against it, but it sounds like MIL is keen so she might do it.

You don't say how old your children are but I can't imagine them getting nothing from Granny at Christmas or being told that money had been put in there account for them that they can't have. My Mum always spends half her budget on gifts for her grandchildren and half her budget putting money in there accounts that I don't ask for and the kids didn't know about when they were younger.

I think the comment about "taking things away from you" is a bit of a immature thing to say, his parents aren't taking things away from you they are if anything helping by taking some of the expense from you. I get it might feel like stealing your thunder if its things you can't afford but overall I think the positives outweigh the negatives.

Quite. What a joyless way of looking at Christmas. Poor MIL.

In the nicest possible way, I think it’s lovely that she wants to gift something nice for her granddaughter. It’s much worse if that wasn’t the case. My children were gifted a load of cheap, thoughtless tat by my family (very well off financially).

I do understand you wanting to give her nice things as well, but I think you should pick your battles.

YABU. It’s not up to you. She shouldn’t have to ask your permission to give her GD a gift. You shouldn’t be dictating that grandparents only give money. Unless she’s planning g on getting the same gift you are, you should be happy for your child and let them enjoy giving the gift. It’s not grandparents’ responsibility to top up your children’s savings account.

Why don’t you put money in savings instead and let others buy gifts?