MIL Christmas present demand

[User28884995]

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

Yes, OP demanding MIL load in money rather than give a nice thoughtful gift she can see DGC open 😂

Why is it that you want to spend money on buying your DC some actual presents rather than putting money into savings accounts for them but you think it's an overstep for MiL to want the same?

So you don’t want MIL to get your DD presents that your DD would like….. because you are not able to give them ? Because it takes away your special place as chief gift giver ?

Unless I've grossly misunderstood this I think you're being ridiculous and weird. Why shouldn't their grandmother be able to buy them presents?

One of my fond childhood Christmas memories is the excitement of knowing Grandma is on her way with a present and usually some good chocolates!

Kids will have no understanding that she's given money for you to put in their savings, why would you deprive both them and her of the enjoyment of sharing the giving of a present?

She wants to see the child's face light up as they unwrap her present. Not unreasonable tbh

We've been very clear for a long time about getting one gift only because DC got completely overwhelmed with the multiple presents from PIL they got at their first Christmas so I totally get where you are coming from about limiting it. But to not allow even one present is really mean of you.

Sorry OP, but even your title is unreasonable. Your MIL wants to buy her granddaughter a gift. This is hardly something a Grandmother should have to demand. So you want her to just save money for your child while you get the adoration and excitement of giving gifts. I can still see the excitement on my son’s face from ten years ago when my Mum gave him a huge Lego set. The joy and the big hug she got when he opened it. Don’t take that away from your mother in law. Let the kids have whatever it is, play with it and when they are done Facebook marketplace sell it and put the money in her account.

Whats their faces like when they unwrap a present they dont like?

How about you give your child cash for Christmas and let your ILs give a toy? No? Is it because it feels nicer to give a child something fun that they can unwrap?

You've taken away the joy of actually giving from them.

Yes. I can't imagine my daughter refusing to allow me that part of Christmas.

I communicate with my daughter, mentioning things I've seen that I think my DGDs would like, and asking her if there's anything she knows that they might be longing for. Then I use that information to choose the gift that will make the DGDs happy, and that my DD is comfortable with them getting.

Watching your DGCs open their gift is a really special part of Christmas. If I was restricted to putting money in their savings account, I'd think my daughter had either lost her mind, or become incredibly selfish and money grabbing overnight.

We always let relatives buy the gifts and we did the savings. They got the savings as their 18th present - over £10K each so it was really great. You're wrong in what you say, PIL doing this is allowed you to do som much more - the savings you are so keen for your dc to have can be provided by you.

^This. How about you put money in the savings account if its so important to you?

She doesn't want to give her grandchildren's parents money, she wants to give her grandchildren present to open! It's YOUR job to save for your children; it's HER job to delight her grandchildren with whatever their little hearts yearn for this year. Sorry, but you're the one overstepping and you're the one placing the demands!

Of course she wants to buy an actual present that she see’s her use, you’re being very weird about it.

How many young kids want 'money in their accounts for the future' vs something tangible from their grandparents? Butt out.

This. She wants to give something that gives the child pleasure now not some time in the future. The child wont be comparing gifts from parents or grandparents. .

When does your child get to spend their gifted money and what kind of things would they buy? Can’t you just suggest something your child would rather buy?

So you get the joy of giving gifts but your MIL doesn't?

Very selfish of you.

Suggest something she can buy or ask her to just buy one gift only.

But no gifts from a grandparent is joyless.

This is how to suck the joy out of Christmas in one fell swoop. There are plenty of years when the grandchildren will actually want money, let her and them enjoy the "toy" years.

YABU you don't get to dictate how others spend their money. You're coming across really selfishly in your OP.

I think she wants to give them something she can see them enjoying. I understand why putting the money into savings is the more sensible option but equally can see why she’d want to watch them opening something physical. They won’t understand the importance of savings at their age but will enjoy a toy. Just think of smaller toys/books they’d enjoy and suggest those.

I can see that it's problematic if MIL wants to gift a fuck off massive dolls house, for example, which you have no room for

But if she wants to give smaller gifts which are store-able that's fair enough

If MIL is giving the same gifts which you've already purchased for your daughter then you'll need to negotiate with MIL

I can understand that you'd like to build savings for your child but cant afford to do that yourself. Sadly you can't force people to give cash instead of a gift

My DDs send me links to a range of gifts to buy my grandchildren and I choose one of those. I wouldn’t like to just give them money / vouchers.

Could you suggest a compromise and ask for some money for savings and a small gift to open. Hard to know without an age but vouchers and money are boring to younger kids at Christmas.

Just because you aren't "in a position to put savings aside at the moment" for your DC doesn't mean that you make request your MIL do it for you, especially year on year.
Having no idea how old your DC are what's the difference between MIL buying your DC, say something from Smyths toys as opposed to a voucher from the same shop?

If you're so bothered about space and your DC's savings building up how come you don't leave your MIL to buy your DC a present and you put the majority, or all of the money you were going to spend on presents into their account yourself.