AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

[Gingerbreadcottage]

I’m feeling a bit sad and annoyed and just want to sanity-check whether I’m being unreasonable.

My in-laws are very comfortable financially - retired, mortgage paid off, big house, multiple holidays a year, no real financial worries. We, on the other hand, are on a low income and things are tough at the moment. They know all of this.

Back in the summer, they offered (we didn’t ask) to put £100 towards a new bike for our son. It was kind of framed as a nice gesture at the time. Then they later told us that because they’d contributed to the bike, they would only get him “something small” for his birthday, as the bike was his birthday present from them. Fine, I understood that.

Fast forward to the other day: we were at theirs and they asked what we all might like for Christmas. I said I wasn’t sure yet what our son would like, and I’d let them know. My MIL immediately said, “Oh don’t forget we bought that bike for him — that was birthday and Christmas, so we’ll just get him a book or something small.”

I just sat there feeling a bit stunned and honestly hurt. It’s not about wanting them to shower him with expensive gifts - it’s more that the £100 they offered months ago is now being used as a reason to opt out of both birthday and Christmas. Meanwhile they are extremely comfortable and spend freely on themselves in other areas.

They also very rarely help with anything practical or day-to-day with him, so it’s not like they’re involved in other ways.

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about it feels… mean? And I hate that feeling, because I don’t want to care about money like that. But I’m struggling with the idea that their grandson is basically getting a token gift at Christmas because of something they voluntarily contributed to back in July.

AIBU to feel upset and a bit angry about this? Or am I overthinking it?

Any savings you have been lucky to put away will be raided… that’s very clear ! I feel sorry for everyone… no one is immune.

You are being unreasonable to be hurt by their attitude.
I can't understand it either I have grandchildren and I love buying presents for them.
As long as we can afford it we will do anything to make life easier for our children and grandchildren. But it sounds as though your in laws have different priorities.

Oh I totally agree -

Life was not cheaper or easier. 🙄 Stop with the silly, resentful fiction that previous generations led soft, privileged lives.

Furthermore, it’s not “miserly” to save for one’s old-age needs or to treat oneself to travel after a lifetime of work and child rearing.

I can't be dealing with tight fisted people especially those who make an offer on something and then make amendments later. Just how many birthdays and Christmases is this 100 quid towards the bike supposed to cover?
At least with him being 7 he is Probably not really going to notice/ remember. Then in the future if they make any further 'offers' I would just say no even if it would be helpful at the time.

It was. I am nearly 52. Life was much cheaper when I was younger, was much easier to buy a house, easier to live. Things are much harder now. Especially for young people who cannot afford anything. Why do you think the birth rate is down…..🙄

Do it back to them. Say since I got you a bottle of wine or gift voucher I'm only getting you something small for Christmas.
Leave the reduced sticker on it.

My take on this is that they don’t want him to be spoilt rather than they’re being mean. It’s a generational thing. My grand parents were very frugal even though they had tonnes of money - all ended up going to the tax man in the end! They were brought up in the war.

it's entirely different.

we have ops interpretation of "it was kind of framed as a nice gesture" which opens up a whole load of space for them meaning they could have the future present money up front rather than here's a £100 we haven't given any of the other grandkids.

the whole tit for tat thing just makes op look petty and grabby.

£50 plus a small token present is perfectly reasonable for grandparents with several grandkids and children to buy for. It isn't like they're refusing to acknowledge the events or are demanding the child sings them a song of praise to their generosity. they're simply saying "you've had the present money already but of course we'll get him something else to open"

Meh

well that was certainly erudite 🙄

They sound terribly mean OP.

I have similar experience, my in laws have never bought my children a present. Not even when they were born. They get £20 note in a card at Christmas. Always have. Our eldest is 25 and she still gets the same amount as she did when she was 1.
For context, they are sitting on an absolute fortune so are in no way poor ….

It's just unbelievable isn't it?! Meanies....

@sleepingstandingup you'll be okay.

@sleepingstandingup Who said you’re the OP, this wasn’t even about you at all 😭 maybe don’t take random comments so personally 💀

Jesus christ, that is stingey.

My dad who is not well off at all (rented council house, 24 year old car?) Gives my daughter 100 for her birthday and 100 for Xmas every year and will help out if I'm in a bind. I know loads of people can't afford this, but when they can and they try to drag it out to cover multiple occasions is really lame. I can never ever get how it's the people with nothing who give the most and those with plenty who are so tight fisted.