Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

Maybe you could volunteer to pay for this Uber yourself?

Randoms on the Internet asking OP to bend over backwards and drive around to accomodate parents who cant be bothered- please pleasestop riding on a high moral horse and send money to OP so she can get the girl an Uber rather than asking her to drive backwards and forwards to collect a child.

We had the same last year issue, had always picked up and dropped off a friend. We were able to collect bit said pick needs to be picked up. The Mum got an uber. Xx

Op I really think this is the best idea for lots of reasons.

You are obviously a very kind and caring person. Ignore the dafties on this thread..

Its really not unusual to have seperate celebrations with different people or groups of people.

OP has already explained several times why this wouldn't be practical.

Her child is at a new school and OP doesn't know any of the parents yet
The girl is neglected to the point that she smells badly

etc

It’s actually against uber rules to have a child under 13 ride in an uber on their own, and they only accept 13 years or older if they are part of a friends and family account, and the uber is authorised by the parents account

Those saying ‘it’s mean’ to not provide an Uber/transport for this child
why is it? Just because they have driven them before it doesn’t mean they are beholden to them
if the kid wants to go, the parent finds a way , not the host

Are you joking?

I think you are lovely. I have been there with lift and it does get too much. But you are wanting to help.
That speaks volumes. Enjoy all of the birthday celebrations

I think it is perfectly acceptable to not invite her, she wouldn’t know the new friends and may feel very left out.
The only way I can think for you to get her there would be if you and your whole family used public transport. Understand you might not want to though especially with cake and party bags to carry.

I dont drive never have so if my daughter grts invited to a party i either have to get her there by bus or ask another friend whos going for a lift
Luckily the parties now have faded off now they are into double digits

Oh gosh that breaks my heart. Op it’s absolutely not your responsibility but that’s so sad x

What are social services doing about this poor child who smells so bad you wouldnt want her sat in someone elses car? What are the school doing? Any family and friends? This is about so much more than a party invite if this poor child is so neglected she stinks :(
Why is nothing being done

You're a social worker? I would have thought you'd have been the last person to shrug and let a neglected child miss out because her parents won't bring her to a party.

I think how you react in a scenario like this says a hell of a lot about who you are as a person.

She's a little kid and you don't want to subject other people to her smell. At 7 she's not responsible for her own hygiene... In your shoes I would find a way to get her there (and there will be options, if you're willing to put yourself out).

In your shoes I would find a way to get her there (and there will be options, if you're willing to put yourself out)

Go on then @Tulipsriver pretend you are in op’s shoes, having read all her posts what exactly would you do?

What about every other scenario where OP HAS given lifts to the child? It just isn't possible this time.

I wouldn’t assume she doesn’t have transportation this year if she hasn’t mentioned anything. Invite her as usual — she may well sort something out. If the little girl’s mum asks again, politely decline by saying it won’t be possible… you could say:

Hi [Name],

I’m afraid it won’t be possible for us to provide transport this time. If you’re able to arrange for someone to bring her to the party and collect her afterwards, that would be great, as [my daughter] would really love [her daughter’s name] to be there! But I totally understand if it’s not possible.

Thanks so much,
[Your Name]

I do love when people completely make up their own version of events and then get outraged by it 😂

That is a very kind message.

You are TOO kind!!🙄

An uber? For a 7 year old? By themself?

This is a real example of "no good deed goes unpunished". OP has invited the girl to parties for years and ferried her back and forth. But this one time she can't and everyone is giving her a hard time. This is in addition to the many acts of service to people who need help, she no doubt perform as a social worker for bugger all money and very little thanks.

I bet these people spending the OP's Christmas money so blithely have never done anything more charitable than put a quid in a bucket themselves.

A friend could take her own daughter leaving space in the OP’s car for the friend who smells too bad to be in car with others.

The OP has plainly said she doesn’t know the other girls’ parents well enough to ask favours of them.

Her DD goes to a new school and OP doesn't have any friends yet.

Even if she was able to go, is it really in the best interests of the girl? She won't know anyone other than OP's DD and the other DC's will notice that she smells and at 7, that will be difficult to manage from all angles.