Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

OP shouldn't take her own DD to her own birthday party?

Where have I said that?

That's not the case at all. The car is full of my kids and DH! We used to have a 7 seater car and now we don't.

It appears you have zero reading comprehension

I don't drive, I just get an Uber if the place is a bit difficult to access. One time I checked the cost and it was like 45 pounds so I declined the invite (quite literally was the middle of nowhere) 😂

Do you think that Uber would agree to call at a door, take a 7 year old child unaccompanied "somewhere" that someone, who had no parental responsibility for the child had paid for?

If you do think this, perhaps you could go halves on the cost with the OP, it's a kind thing to do.

I have been here for years and I have never sent anyone a DM to tell them I agree with them. I either reply in the vein on the thread or use the react emojis. I've obviously been doing my MNetting wrong all these years, how embarrassing!

Awwww what a shame. You’re clearly not kind enough are you?

So you’re only kind within your house, your post code, borough? Your ‘kinder approach to life’ has a boundary line. Got it.

Also unless I missed it, Ahfiddlesticks didn’t say she lived… Ah but you must know through those very real PM conversations you’ve been having.

I feel bad for the child, particularly knowing she comes from such an unstable home and that your DD is so close to her and clearly wants her there. I understand you no longer have the space in the car though so will have to explain this. Her mum should of course be funding the uber if she wants her to come rather than you.

I'll PM you in a sec to say that I agree with you.

Also why is it always the posters who mention how kind they are always then go on to write the most superior, pass ag bitchy posts.

Which suggested alternative arrangements? None of them are practical, especially the Uber suggestion.

Asking parents of the other children when OP doesn't even know them also isn't practical. It would be a bit different if she was actual friends with them but it's a new school.

The best thing is what OP has decided to do, not invite her to the party but do something else with the girl and DD for DD's birthday.

If OP wasn't bothered about this girl at all, she wouldn't have given her all of the previous lifts and she wouldn't be bothered about arranging to do something differently with the girl for DD's birthday.

Hang on, just let me DM you to agree rather than just press the button instead

Nothing. It’s still at Christmas.

I really wish we still had the laughing reaction. Some of these replies have really cracked me up.

You can do a bank transfer to OP for the cost of the Uber. Remember there will be 4 legs of the journey:

• taxi collects the friend and her mum
• taxi to drop the mum back home
• taxi for mum to collect dd from OP's home
• taxi to drop the mum and her dd home

A £100 should cover it. Should OP send you her bank details?

If lots of people have message you, I will eat my hat.

Also, a tip for the driver

How could I forget. A fiver each way.

Has anyone suggested ringing the friend's parents and explaining the situation to them yet, instead of just assuming they won't be able to get her there?

It's all adding up a bit now.
Maybe the PP and all those masses of posters who DM'd their agreement could club together for this Uber. Although I appreciate that could also be tricky because fictional posters are often a bit tight with their cash. What a pickle.

Peak Mumsnet.

It’s totally fine to not take this girl. Wild responses here.

Send an Uber 🤣

If lots of people have message you, I will eat my hat.

If more than one did and assuming they're not sock puppets then I'll eat it for you @nomas .

Yes, lots of people have suggested OP contact the mum and say 'we aren't going to be able to pick her up or drop her off this time. If that means you are unable to get her there, perhaps we could arrange a special play date another time?' and OP has acknowledged it.

It was suggested in the first 2 or 3 posts!

I knew I was being too generous with the 'lots of people' . One would have done 😂

Glad you have come up with an alternative plan..I think this will work better anyway as your DD seeing as this other girl won't know anyone else.

I agree that some of the replies on here are crazy and just show how people do not understand how complicated anything involving social services is.

It's called being understanding of a situation which is not the child's fault. It's trying to help. Could another mum pick up the girl