Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

Send an Uber? No I don't want to do that.

My advice Op is to ignore the inappropriate and, to be honest, dangerous advice. Some people are very keen to advise, castigate and judge in total ignorance and inexperience. I wouldn't bother to respond or justify.

It might be that a play date with this friend would be more beneficial for her and your daughter.

If you decide to invite I would go with the very good suggestions at the beginning of this thread.

As no normal person would

Arrange an uber for a 7 year old? The suggestion is absolute nuts

I think you need to be polite but clear 'Hi. X would love XX to come to her birthday party on XXX at 3-5 pm at xxxxxx. I'm sorry unlike previous years, I'm not able to pick up/take home XX this time'. You don't want vagueness in your message, it needs to be crystal clear. The choice is then the Mum's, if she can't get her daughter to and from the party herself or by asking a friend/family, then her daughter won't be able to attend.

I wouldn't do that either, regardless of the price. Bonkers suggestion.

I wasn't going to contribute to this thread, but I couldn't let this pass by to be honest

Yeah definitely feel frustration at my own powerless at this situation but also have to trust that my colleagues in the local safeguarding team and police are doing their jobs.

Surely you know better than anyone that this is the gap where children fall through the net?? Everyone ASSUMES everyone else is dealing with the problem, or knows about the problem, or has the power to intervene in the problem, abusers are very good at pretending and avoiding detection, and then when the shit hits the fan, usually after multiple missed opportunities to intervene 'lessons are learned' for the next poor soul who falls through the net.

If you really feel this child is being sexually abused and neglected and you have ANY sort of power to advocate for them, then I really think you should do everything you can.. not just hold your hands up and say "not my problem, hopefully someone else is dealing with it". Surely as a social worker, who has come to be aware of abuse and neglect, it IS your problem?

Did you see my earlier post addressed to you and other posters? Have you been in touch with OP offering to help?

My previous post:
thecnutessofcanterbury · Yesterday 22:38
CalmShaer ZaraCC WildLdeader message the OP and offer your help. Who knows maybe one of you is close enough to act as a chauffeur for the little girl. Go above and beyond, make the extra effort like you said you would!

Course she hasn't. It's easy to be "more kinder" with other people's money and time. Am not convinced that poster isn't on a wind up, anyway...

Hopefully you'll hear from those posters soon. Maybe they can send over the uber money or drive if they live nearby

I have done something and I am confident something is being done but these things take time. I'm not assuming others have noticed or are reporting it. I am reporting it. I'm reporting it directly to people who do have the power to intervene (I do not have that power).

Yes I am a social worker but I am not this child's social worker nor do I work in the local authority in which she lives but I have reported it to the correct team and continue to do so when new information (to me) is gained.

I have already said the above. I cannot do anything more. Anything else would be outside of the law and potentially make things worse for the child.

Poor kid

I'm the other end of the country unfortunately.
I won't be posting on the thread again, the op asked for advice and I presumed it would be taken on board rather then mocked. Her mind was already made up it seems.
I would like to thank the many people who contacted me and supported my side. I withdraw my advice forthwith

Not a single person has contacted me directly with an offer of help.

This is so ott. Get a grip. She's helped her every other year and just can't this year. Why don't you forward on Money for a taxi

I'd like to thank the multitudes of people who contacted me privately to agree with me too.

Actually, she asked for advice on how to word the invite.

Interesting that people who support your side only feel able to do so privately.

If you think it inappropriate to have someone take DD’s friend to the party because of personal hygiene issues, let your DD travel with a friend and you take her instead. If you’re not prepared to do this, don’t invite the friend.

I don't know any of the parents to really ask if I'm honest - it's a new school for dd and we've only had 1 play date with the new kids, a child who isn't able to attend her party. She's also been to 1 other party but it was at a play centre and most parents left.

Are you proposing the 7yo be alone in the car?

You can still do a bank transfer for the Uber tho?

How do you know the OPs location? I can't see it on the thread?

Multitudes hey?

It does seem like the best solution is not to invite her on this occasion. Transport aside if the only person they know at the party is DD it will put DD in a situation she probably isn’t equipped to handle being the only person her friend knows puts lots of pressure on DD. If the friend has some hygiene issues others may also notice and associate DD as friends with child with hygiene issues - children can be incredibly cruel. A little something for the 2 of them on their own seems like a sensible option.

Have I understood correctly- you’re giving a lift to two other friends of DD (whose parents presumably are not neglectful and would drive their kids, get on public transport or ask around for lifts if they had to) but that means there’s no space for this one friend who definitely won’t be able to come without a lift?

if that’s true then that does seem a bit like you don’t want her there all that much.

So shake this poor girl off like you really want to, because you really could make the suggested alternative arrangements if the friend’s attendance at the party was something you wanted to facilitate. You’ve confirmed that your not arranging for the friend to get to the venue means she can’t go, so just don’t invite her.