AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

But are things like leavers' dos not arranged by the school? How can they not invite certain kids to a school leavers' party? How on earth would that work?

You’re catastrophising. This won’t happen!!

Please read this too!

That is so sad that you were going to throw your friend under the bus for having backbone.

I would be so ashamed if I were you.

You dont deserve her.

Pay them no attention, these people are not worth wasting your time on. They are a minority and they haven't managed to mature past playground antics themselves.

My eldest two children are in secondary school now (simple, you know no one) however my youngest is in her final year of primary and in a year group of 27 - there are 5/6 clique playground mums who have little to occupy themselves with other than pointy elbow promotion of their child and select socials with people they believe are of some benefit to them (believe me the friendships are not real). I can honestly say, as frustrating as it can be, I focus on the fact there are 22 decent mum's all of which keep out of this childish behaviour.

I'd be SO relieved I was excluded. I was always friendly and polite with everyone, but kept myself to myself and never bothered with the WhatsApp stuff. Still managed playdates for the kids easily without it and didn't have to listen to endless bullshit or socialise with people I didn't have anything in common with beyond having kids the same age.
I watched one particular very close (as in group holidays etc) mum group at primary fall out multiple times about all sorts. There were tears at the gates, one person excluded and then included again, accusations of flirting with husbands (all argued about openly in the playground so everyone could hear)...it's just so much easier to be on the sidelines.
If I was you, I'd ignore the group most of the time and only comment when it's something about the kids like playdates. Who gives a shit about tomorrow, you didn't say anything. Don't mention it at all, drop off the kids and get on with your day.

Her comment has nothing to do with you. You're overreacting

You have a friend that you're planning on losing just to keep in with a clique?

Come on don't be daft. Forget the whole thing. This is bonkers.

Why are you so nervous about going to school tomorrow OP.
Your comment was decent.
Nobody can hold you responsible for another person’s comment.

Make your mind up about what you feel about the small group splitting off and not inviting everybody.
Make your mind up about what you think of your friend’s sarcastic comment and stick to it.
Then at least you know where you stand for the future.
At the moment it’s a non drama and YABU to react as if it’s all a massive problem already.
Keep your cool, remain polite and civil to everybody without getting involved and it will all pass over very quickly as long as you don’t try to put yourself in the middle of it all.

Ridiculous.

If your friend is the type who resorts to pompous sarcasm like that, she’s unlikely to be much fun. I’d exclude her too.

Jesus, and I thought I catastrophised

just ignore your fiends comment. Any issues, if there are any don’t include you

What tended to happen in my experience was over time friendship groups formed and “all class” mums nights out gave way to people that knew each other well arranging stuff for themselves. If you want to be included (and do you really?) the best way is not to turn down too many invites, and go to most stuff even if it isn’t your bag, and form genuine friendships with the others. The 4 queen bees might think “well OP didn’t fancy the drinks and tapas so probably wouldnt fancy x either” and don’t bother asking you next time.

As far as the WhatsApp stuff goes, just ignore.

Most disappointed. I came to this thread expecting huge drama with screenshots of angry conversations…this hasn’t delivered.

Fuck me, do people really give this much of a toss about a bunch of strangers at the school gates?

Surely all kids are invited to school events so what does it matter?

This is why I hate group chats.

I read through the thread and am still trying to see where the drama occurs. I did see a group of women who did respond to the idea of going out, and who then did so being described as awful for no good reason. The OPs friend is a stirrer, best ignored.

I get that you don’t want your kid to be excluded but to be honest he probably won’t be and you don’t need to arse lick these woman to secure his social status!

I don't think the event included any kids it was for Mums

I'm beyond fecking relieved that WhatsApp class chat groups were not a thing back in my primary school Mum days 😬( 20 years ago!)
Just the thought of some of those school yard alpha bitch Mum's being in charge of a WhatsApp group gives me the dread.
Im so happy those days are behind me x

I meant LESS 😂

Personally I don’t think your friend created the drama, the group purposely left people out they created the drama, your friend just called them out publicly, & you rather than backing her up would rather she hadn’t said anything.

And then we wonder why kids and teenagers are so anxious! This is the kind of role model some of them have.

You’re worried you’ve been dragged into drama by your friend…and yet, for some bizarre reason, you seem determined to insert yourself into it all by yourself.

Firstly, do not contact the other mums and attempt to kiss their arses by throwing your friend under the bus- you will end up with no mum friends at all if you do that. Secondly, this is not a group of women you want to align yourself with. I’ve seen this behaviour time and time again and it always ends in a ridiculous level of upset and unnecessary stress in the playground.

Is this for real? Why do you care???