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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

421 replies

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:45

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

OP posts:
mzpq · 23/11/2025 20:29

but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored

Good, cheeky cow.

In fact she's lucky it was ignored and no-one told her to get over herself.

Sorry, though, why is it you're inserting yourself into this non drama situation again?

You haven't made that clear?

Starandflowers · 23/11/2025 20:31

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:49

It's just when she said "nice that you included everyone" when it was so obvious they hadn't, it was clearly meant to be sarcastic which is what is worrying me. Especially considering she said it after I put my comment

I don’t know why you are worrying. Yes there is obviously some Amanda at your school who decides who is worth socialising with and who is not but I wouldn’t be getting worked up about it

I don’t think your friend did anything wrong making that comment but it’s no reflection on you so not sure what you are upset or worrying about

Bethany83 · 23/11/2025 20:32

But it was your friend who said the 'sarcastic' comment, not you so I don't understand why you are worrying. And good for your friend by the way and hopefully she doesn't care about this. She's right to say that. It's rude to put pics up when you know not everyone has been invited, put them on a separate group of those who went.

B1anche · 23/11/2025 20:32

Cantdothingsanymore · 23/11/2025 20:13

Our school actually banned the mums whatsapp group chat because of the drama.. it escalated into police being called, an altercation with the head, adults bringing mobiles onto the school site being banned and the whole facebook school page being deleted.
Your drama is a non drama... you are safe to attend the playground tomorrow 😂

Now this sounds more interesting...

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/11/2025 20:33

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:00

See my friend expressed interest in going and the group chat went silent on it with no details of the plans being shared in the group chat, which makes me think they created a separate group chat to organise the tapas and drinks. I do see my friend's point of view but wish she hadn't said anything

You don’t get to police another woman to be quiet about her feelings. It’s exclusion and good on her for speaking up. Can you stop selfishly wanting her to have shut up to keep the peace?

HouseofDreams · 23/11/2025 20:34

Came for the drama. Left disappointed by the non event.

CombatBarbie · 23/11/2025 20:35

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:49

It's just when she said "nice that you included everyone" when it was so obvious they hadn't, it was clearly meant to be sarcastic which is what is worrying me. Especially considering she said it after I put my comment

Well to be fair, shes pulled them up on shitty behaviour. If it was only selected people, it should never have been mentioned in the class group chat.

I'm with your friend on this. Noone likes bullies/top dogs and not enough people are strong enough to out them publicly.

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:37

HouseofDreams · 23/11/2025 20:34

Came for the drama. Left disappointed by the non event.

A non event to you may be an event to me everyone’s different in how they handle things

OP posts:
Sweetiowa · 23/11/2025 20:38

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:37

A non event to you may be an event to me everyone’s different in how they handle things

This is a non event, you’re stressing out and making it into a big drama in your head, it is not one. Two comments were made, not connected, just move on.

ForeverPombear · 23/11/2025 20:40

It is a total non event. Your comment has nothing to do with what your friend said and I don't know why anybody would put the two together.

You also need to stop worrying about the 'main mums' like a PP said - you're giving them far too much power.

Figcherry · 23/11/2025 20:41

@PuffPastry84 well if the 4 mums organise most events then perhaps rather than worrying about getting left out you should offer to help.

ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 20:42

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:49

It's just when she said "nice that you included everyone" when it was so obvious they hadn't, it was clearly meant to be sarcastic which is what is worrying me. Especially considering she said it after I put my comment

Well, she was right. They were mean and exclusionary.

But you have nothing to worry about - you’ve not behaved like a mean girl. Just ignore the petty stuff.

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Figcherry · 23/11/2025 20:41

@PuffPastry84 well if the 4 mums organise most events then perhaps rather than worrying about getting left out you should offer to help.

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

OP posts:
therewasafishinthepercolator · 23/11/2025 20:45

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

Don't do that! That's really shitty. Don't throw your mate under the bus because you're scared of this cliquey lot.

Starandflowers · 23/11/2025 20:45

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:37

A non event to you may be an event to me everyone’s different in how they handle things

So you are happy for grown women to act like they are mean girls so you get invited to a picnic?

As pp said bringing conversation about a night out where not everyone was invited (and had expressed interest about attending) back into a group chat is shitty behaviour and your friend was right to call it out.

That fact that you are more pissed off with your friend than the others is more a reflection on you than what your friend did

Cornishclio · 23/11/2025 20:45

I don’t think you need worry as your comment was innocent. If they originally mentioned it and you weren’t bothered about going they probably set up a new chat for those who said they wanted to go. Your friend should have made it clear she wanted to go and then maybe they would have included her. Personally those large group events are a flipping nightmare to organise and to attend so maybe they would have 4 mums set a maximum limit as they can do if they are the organisers. It doesn’t need to be a drama.

ForeverPombear · 23/11/2025 20:46

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

Ooof I wouldn't do that to your friend OP unless you don't actually like her.

Vodka1 · 23/11/2025 20:46

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

LOL

Whoevenarethey · 23/11/2025 20:46

I don't see this as a big drama. And certainly not one you are involved in anyway.

I do think it's great your friend stood up for those who weren't given invited though. It does seem braggy and very look at me aren't we the popular ones to share photos of a night out when not everyone was invited.
You say you heard on the playground in passing and nothing was put on the group chat so clearly it was a private event and your friend may not have been invited at any point. What's the need for these other mums to be posting in a whole class group chat about their night out when they could have done this privately unless they were just doing it to show off.

Anyway I have discovered its best to mute the group chats and only check in occasionally to see if there is anything important I need to know.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 23/11/2025 20:48

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

Oh no please don’t say that!! You’re sucking up and it’s soooo obvious. What about your friend too??

I wouldn’t worry as it wasn’t your comment. Also - I doubt they care. Smile sweetly and ignore I’d say.

Whoevenarethey · 23/11/2025 20:48

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

So basically in order to fit in with the popular mums you are going to agree that their shitty behaviour was acceptable?
Losing any respect for you whatsoever.

safetyfreak · 23/11/2025 20:48

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:21

I get that but at the same time they do organise a lot of the main events (I.e. end of summer term picnics, the soft play event when they finished infants school, the big parties) so it’s best to keep in with them and not piss them off

What are you on about!! its school gate politics, ridiculous.

Do you not have your own friends or work outside of the school gate?

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:48

therewasafishinthepercolator · 23/11/2025 20:45

Don't do that! That's really shitty. Don't throw your mate under the bus because you're scared of this cliquey lot.

You’re totally right! Sod it, if they want to cause drama they’ll just make themselves look stupid

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 23/11/2025 20:48

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

Good god, then you WILL turn it into a drama! And you’ll throw your friend under the bus (I’m guessing you want to stay ‘in’ with the popular mums..)

In the nicest possible way OP, keep your beak out.

Starandflowers · 23/11/2025 20:48

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:44

Well I was thinking of sending a message to basically say that I don’t agree with what my friend said and they’re welcome to go out with who they want. I don’t want them thinking I’m a bitch because my friend is very good at pulling a face and speaking her mind

This cannot be real and if it is then I agree with the husbands that it is a soap opera and you are the one that is causing it to be so

Either that or you have completely jumped the shark with this comment