AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

In general my principal in life with all things kids related is -

Do men routinely engage with and waste headspace on such matters?

If the answer is NO, I refuse to give it one second of oxygen.

I think this thread is the most dramatic non-drama I’ve ever read on MN…..

A tad refreshing almost!

Being the organiser is a thankless task. I feel for the mom that organised the night out. She made a suggestion which in your own confession you weren’t really engaged or particularly bothered about and she organised it with those she probably felt where more susceptible to the idea. I have a friendship group where I was the organiser. To suggest things to have others say no & make other suggestions & you change your original thought to accommodate & you’re the one still booking, paying & feeling awkward having to chase someone who hasn’t paid is annoying to say the least. It all came to a head when I suggested a spa weekend (something I’ve suggested several times before to have 3 of the 8 of us say no) the usual shall we do this instead followed & I said no. I want to do the spa & if you can’t make it that’s fine. I booked it for the 5 of us & all hell broke loose. I was excluding them etc & the 3 left the group. They’ve since returned & I don’t organise anything anymore & they keep posting shall we meet up & how we haven’t done anything in ages. I ignore the hint but respond with yeah we should. I’m not their social secretary, the emotional blackmail they used was unacceptable. I’ve organised things I’ve not even wanted to do. I don’t like bottomless brunches (the drink selection is rubbish & food meh). But I’ll book the specific ones they ask for & I turn up knowing one hasn’t paid me yet & still smile away. When it has been crap (which I knew & even pointed out some of the reviews) I feel responsible. Honestly, give the mom a break she doesn’t have to do it and as I’ve learnt she doesn’t owe anyone an invite either

You have received a life lesson. They didn’t invite some people. It hurts. You wouldn’t behave like that. But you have to rise above it. Smile and talk to them as per normal. You are the grownup here😊

Honestly people complain they have no friends . Go. Accept every invite! Tight friendships form amongst those that can be arsed to turn up in the early days.

Going to lovely thing today with two fab friends we were the only ones that bothered with the “invite all” class mum drinks invite 12 years we are on still friends.

Also you need local friends. A “best friend” that lives 3 hours away is all very well but a local network work is life enhancing.

You need to put down the self help Cod psychology books. They’re messing with your head.

Some friends organised a night out and invited a few others to join them.
END OF STORY.

I’m one of those people that if I fancy doing something, I’ll organise it and invite people I know and get on with. That’s all there is to it.

I can guarantee that mums like me have enough going on so don’t really give the rest of the school mums a second thought.

We’re not responsible for providing endless entertainment opportunities for all the mums in the class or checking that everyone is happy and included. We’re just ordinary mums like you.

It’s far easier for folk like you to sit on your bum and do nothing and be critical and negative. Maybe if you started chatting to a few others and offered to organise some events, you might make some real friends and start to feel happier with your life?

This is excellent advice.

Honestly, you’ll never make a good detective as you jump to bizarre conclusions on the flimsiest of evidence.

You don’t actually know who shared the photos on the group chat as the OP didn’t clarify. 🤔

I strongly suspect it was one of the attendees who is a ‘joiner in’ but doesn’t think beyond the immediate, who posted the pics. The actual women who put in the effort to arrange stuff are generally a lot more clued up in my experience. 😂

Did the sun rise in the east and set in west today @PuffPastry84

Or just another day when nothing bloody happened!

Seriously OP go and get a bloody life

I’m so glad these WhatsApp groups were not around when my DC went through school in the 80s and 90s. Yes there was a bit of playground rivalry but the fact that we actually had to talk to one another kept things largely civilised.

It’s almost like nobody read the OP! OP made no complaint about not being invited. At all. She was concerned that her friends b&tchy passive aggressive comment would be thought to relate to her innocent comment about ‘nice pics’. Concerned that others in the group would think that SHE HERSELF was being snide. She is not correct that the others will all think that, but clearly has an anxious mind (and the causes thereof), and doesn’t know what should be done about it. Which is nothing, people will mostly not use given it a second thought. Poor OP has gotten a lot of flak for her anxiety which is the last thing she needs! I’m with you OP 💘

Some friends organised a night out and invited a few others to join them.
END OF STORY.

But it wasn't the 'end of story', was it? They included a select few from the wider class group and then proceeded to share pictures and discuss the night out on the main WhatsApp group. Whilst I couldn't give a shit about stuff like this, a lot of people, including OP, do. From the information we have, the so-called 'main' mums were clearly being spiteful by picking and choosing who was good enough to include and then making a big deal about it in front of the supposed 'unlucky' mums who didn't make the grade.

Your post speaks volumes about your own sense of importance. "Mums like me" 🤣. I guarantee the other mums are not giving 'mums like you' a second thought either.

I know exactly how you feel OP, I’d feel the same in your position. I’ve actually nipped over from Gransnet which age wise is where I belong now but I can envisage the scenario and you have my sympathy. I’m sure everything will be fine and your friends comment will be forgotten as soon as the next drama comes along. Try not to worry, you’ve done nothing to draw attention to yourself.

Ffs. Why is it attention seeking or climbing anything to organise a night out? Go if you like. Don’t go if you don’t like. Get a bloody grip!

This is every single school in the country. Put your phone down and move on. In 6 months time you will have made some friends you really like at the school gate and you can laugh about it together.

She did include everyone in the original invite, but you chose not to go. That's absolutely your choice (and maybe wise because tapas is overpriced garbage) but I don't see what you are complaining about.

School mummy mafia always brings drama, what you described is so minor, you wait until one of the mums has an affair with another one’s hubby and there is a fight in the playground and everyone falls out over taking sides.

Good grief. Had children over a 20 year span and never saw anything like that. Actually don't think there was ever any school mum drama.

This.

I feel your pain. Continue to ignore their hints. Book whatever you want to do, and they can book their ideas.