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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

421 replies

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:45

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

OP posts:
meeee13 · 23/11/2025 21:23

Honestly, nobody really cares. You haven't said anything, your friend has, so nothing to do with you. Just carry on as normal, if your friend tries to bitch about it, tell her you're not interested in gossiping. People don't have to include everyone else all of the time.

LilyBunch25 · 23/11/2025 21:25

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:49

I’m more worried about my DS not being invited to the main events. It would break my heart if in 4 years time he wasn’t invited to the year 6 leavers do because of a WhatsApp comment in 2025

Seriously and as kindly as possible, is this really a main worry right now....?? You are massively overthinking this and I also saw the one about being concerned they will all think you are working together "with your friend to undermine the 4 main mums"....That is seriously far too much thinking about this.

GrapeLipBalm · 23/11/2025 21:28

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:49

I’m more worried about my DS not being invited to the main events. It would break my heart if in 4 years time he wasn’t invited to the year 6 leavers do because of a WhatsApp comment in 2025

That's not going to happen. You didn't say anything. The mums were fine to invite who they want but could have sent the photos to each other rather than putting it on the general group with people who weren't invited.
I'd ignore the dads. Usually the type of men who mock women for being drama queens are drama queens themselves!

mzpq · 23/11/2025 21:28

Traballo · 23/11/2025 21:22

Is this for real? Why do you care???

It come across as though the OP is positively gleeful that there might be some 'drama' over this non event.

Vodka1 · 23/11/2025 21:30

I really really really want to know where you got the information about the dads talking 😂

lazyarse123 · 23/11/2025 21:31

This shit is why I'm glad we didn't have WhatsApp When mine were at school. I would have been like ops friend. Bitches are going to bitch. Obviously never grown out of being mean girls.
There must be plenty of nice mums you could get to know and organise things with.

muggart · 23/11/2025 21:31

Allswellthatendswelll · 23/11/2025 20:11

I actually think this is kind of shitty behaviour. If it was just 3 or 4 mums fine but 12 is about half the class. I know it's just school mums but you are stuck with these people for years and it's not nice to feel unincluded.

I agree. it was mean to exclude people and then tactless to post about it in the group.

however, I’m not sure why the OP is worried as she didn’t do anything wrong.

GrapeLipBalm · 23/11/2025 21:32

It'll probably get forgotten if the dads get into a kids' football spectator drama/fight 😀

TimeForATerf · 23/11/2025 21:38

Seriously in a few years time you won’t even remember the names of these women. I promise.

Endofyear · 23/11/2025 21:39

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:49

I’m more worried about my DS not being invited to the main events. It would break my heart if in 4 years time he wasn’t invited to the year 6 leavers do because of a WhatsApp comment in 2025

I think you're being overly dramatic to be honest! This spat doesn't involve you, stay out of it and don't get drawn into taking sides. I can't imagine it's going to be a big deal - most of us are too busy with work/family/life to get involved in whatsapp school mum drama!

thecnutessofcanterbury · 23/11/2025 21:39
Gossiping Mean Girls GIF by Paramount Movies

The 84 in your username - is that in reference to the year you were born, making you 41? You don’t sound like you’re in your 40’s or even 20's, 30’s. You sound like a scared tween/teen afraid and worrying what the popular girls think of you. I mean you even considered chucking your friend under the bus so they don’t think less of you

Hankunamatata · 23/11/2025 21:40

Your friend was right to call them out.

You dont post crap in the class whats app unless its an open invite to all parents in the chat

Summerbay23 · 23/11/2025 21:42

I don’t think there’s anything for you to stress about here. Literally just carry on as normal.

3luckystars · 23/11/2025 21:44

I’m completely lost as to why this has anything to do with you? You were not on the night out???

To me it sounds like you are getting worked up after watching an episode of East Enders,
you are absolutely not involved at all.

Were you on the night out? Did you organise a night out and purposely leave people out ? Am I missing something ?

TheEllisGreyMethod · 23/11/2025 21:50

I'm confused, is it the kids who are in year 3 or the parents

Ttmmuuaa · 23/11/2025 21:52

I sympathise OP because I’m also an overthinker.

However, I reckon this will all blow over and you need to be friendly and normal tomorrow.

WA comments can so easily be misunderstood/misread/ignored and your interpretation could well be completely wrong.

Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 21:52

They must have organised it verbally or by individual text and it grew, because why wouldn’t they have just used the separate WhatsApp group to post pics if it was all really sneaky?!

If you had sounded keen, maybe you would have been included. Sounds like your friend may already be drama which is prob why her invite got lost..

Just keep it breezy, you’ve done nothing wrong. Make a point to chat to one of the 4, be friendly and breeze over the drama.

Sorica · 23/11/2025 21:58

I feel sorry for mums now. My friends who have young children have to negotiate all this stuff. They have ‘mum friends’ at their children’s schools who they don’t like to upset.
Then they have proper friends like me who they can actually be themselves with.

My own lovely shy Mum would’ve hated WhatsApp groups.. when I started school (early 80s) you made your own friends and asked if they could come round, & you got invited to parties if you were friends with the party kid, mums had nothing to do with it. (Because of my mum’s was so overprotective due to an abusive childhood I wasn’t allowed to play out on the street with the other neighbourhood kids; so I had to invite friends over to our home to play).
I’m sure there were still ‘main mums’ at school pick up time but due to lack of social media my mum would only have given them a few minutes’ thought as she collected me.

Moonlightdust · 23/11/2025 22:00

Is this your firstborn OP? I recognise some of the social paranoia and wanting to be a people pleaser that I had with my eldest - there will always be the Alpha mums that somehow seem to possess an aura of power. However, as the years went on I learnt not to worry about what anyone thought. Honestly I wouldn’t think any more about it and would certainly not throw your friend under the bus in order to higher your position on the social ladder. Just be yourself.

MysteryMZ · 23/11/2025 22:02

LilyBunch25 · 23/11/2025 21:19

I don't think the event included any kids it was for Mums

No I was referring to OP panicking that her kid would excluded from all the cool events run by the bitchy mums

Bobiverse · 23/11/2025 22:07

But you didn’t make the comment. It literally has nothing at all to do with you. What are you so worried about?

Do you have an anxiety disorder? Because your reaction to other people having some issue, that has nothing to do with you, is very weird. Your kid won’t miss out on an event in several years time because one mum made a comment to other mums which didn’t involve you.

Nanatobethatsme46 · 23/11/2025 22:10

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 19:49

It's just when she said "nice that you included everyone" when it was so obvious they hadn't, it was clearly meant to be sarcastic which is what is worrying me. Especially considering she said it after I put my comment

Why are you worried? Im in the year group whatsapp chat and honestly i dont even bother replying to any message on it now ( 5 years in) my eldest daughter is older than some of these fellow moms and the age difference shows
They are all on about nights out and botox on the chat rather than anything school related and that just doesnt interest me
They are a bunch of people who have nothing in common apart from the year their child is in
I wouldnt give it another thought , no need for any drama

Theroadt · 23/11/2025 22:15

PuffPastry84 · 23/11/2025 20:00

See my friend expressed interest in going and the group chat went silent on it with no details of the plans being shared in the group chat, which makes me think they created a separate group chat to organise the tapas and drinks. I do see my friend's point of view but wish she hadn't said anything

But why are you bothered about what your friend said? It’s up to her. Why are you “dreading” the school run? In three years your DC will be in secondary and you won’t know any of the other mums. I was similarly eager to please everyone at primary as my very shy dyslexic son found it difficult to make friends. But honestly Ivwish I had been far, far more distant.

Hollieandtheivie · 23/11/2025 22:20

Dory, haven't rtft but has anyone put the classic "not your circus, not your monkeys" yet? Have a stock answer up your sleeve for tomorrow morning to avoid getting drawn into anything.

Dita73 · 23/11/2025 22:36

I wouldn’t give a toss. I’d have been relieved I didn’t have to go. Just carry on as normal