AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

I actually think this is kind of shitty behaviour. If it was just 3 or 4 mums fine but 12 is about half the class. I know it's just school mums but you are stuck with these people for years and it's not nice to feel unincluded.

You were invited and didn’t show an interest so didn’t get any further info, that’s totally normal.

If your other friend did want to go but didn’t get included that’s for her to deal with, it’s nothing for you to concern yourself about and the dads gossiping about this at football need to get a life 🤣

She said it not you.. why do you care?

I’m not sure how this affects you?

Our school actually banned the mums whatsapp group chat because of the drama.. it escalated into police being called, an altercation with the head, adults bringing mobiles onto the school site being banned and the whole facebook school page being deleted.
Your drama is a non drama... you are safe to attend the playground tomorrow 😂

But you have time to say it on all these threads so everyone knows how busy you are?

because I’m worried that the mums will think that me and her are working together to undermine the main four mums

You aren't involved so you don't have to say or do anything and you don't need to worry. Do drop off as usual and don't be drawn into any conversation about it.

If the group are excluding people then they are pricks and I'd distance myself from them and wouldn't post anything on their group chat.

I might not have posted what your friend did but I understand why she's pissed off. Watch yourself with them. You don't have to fall out with them but you don't have to keep in with them either. Ignore the whatsapp chat from now on.

Now that’s Olympics level overthinking!

Couldn’t someone have asked on the group chat if they wanted more details and were keen to go? I reckon if they asked directly they would have been told the details.

Personally, I think taking photos on a night out and then sharing them on social media is a bit 2007, unless it’s a birthday or something like that. I didn’t think adults really did that anymore.

You're worrying WAY too much about what that 4 think. You're giving them too much power. They don't matter. You don't need to suck up to them. You're there to drop your DC off. Not appease some Mum quad squad.

In all honesty, if they have a separate chat to arrange their nights out which neither you nor your friend are party to, then they don't really care what either of you think.

I get that but at the same time they do organise a lot of the main events (I.e. end of summer term picnics, the soft play event when they finished infants school, the big parties) so it’s best to keep in with them and not piss them off

I think you'd do best to stick by with your friend & not the mean girl tbh.

Year groups and friendships and schools all change, but your friend will be around alot longer. (I hope!)

Even if drama comes of it this week, you weren’t involved in any of it so it’s not your problem to worry about.

I’m not sure why you are even giving it a second thought tbh.

But SHE said that, not you?

Why are YOU worried about someone else's comments or drama?

Your friend is entitled to say what she wants to. And it was shitty behaviour starting a second wa group for the outing and then go back to the original one to tell everyone who was excluded how much fun they had.

Just ignore them. I can't stand people like that and would not want to socialise with them anyway.

I am a massive overthinker and even I’m struggling to see the issue here or why you are feeling nervous.

Jeeezus, OP.

Are you always so fretful?!

Who gives a shit what other Mums think?

If anyone says anything just say your comment was genuine and if they have an issue with your friend's comment they should speak to her.

There really is no drama here.

It’s pretty odd to do a “secret” night out but then post photos in the whole class chat group tbh. I don’t understand why you would do that.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. They don't run the school and as you weren't bothered about going anyway it's really not a problem.

I can't tell you how glad I am that none of this Whatsapp group nonsense was around when my DCs were in primary school!

If 12 people went and they posted photos in the group chat, clearly it wasn’t all that exclusive 🤷‍♀️

You don't have to fall out with them but don't turn yourself inside out trying to keep in with them. Tbh it sounds like they might not be the nicest people so have some backbone.

Stay neutral. You don't have to reply to their posts about nights out with things like 'looks like a great night' particularly if you know they're excluding people. You can just not saying anything. Its empowering. 😁 No drama. Polite but keep distance. Self-respect. They sound like they've way too much clout. Don't feed it.

How did you hear about the 2 dads by the way?

This comment at the end just doesn’t sit well with me.
Undermine the main mums? You’re all functioning adults with your own lives. Having children in the same school does not mean you need to be social with everyone & the fact you class them as main ones & leaders is just so sad to me. Do whatever you want to do & don’t be driven by the need to impress mums who you perceive as better, who most likely are nothing near it.

Your friends comment was a bit snide, but yours wasn’t. You call her your friend though, and don’t call the others that so I wouldn’t let their opinions affect you and your friends relationship just because you see them as queen bee types!