AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

Updated on what? Literally nothing involving you happened. Nothing happened.

Don't bother updating us as it's a complete non event. This is obviously much to your disappointment.

Why does anyone want to get involved with group of Karens?!!! My idea of torture TBH!

I don't think they will think you and the other woman are in cahoots. It never occurred to me until you spelt it out. You knew about the event but didn't want to go; your friend asked about it and possibly was left out deliberately or else nobody bothered to reply. If there is any tension going on it shouldn't affect you.

This is a horrible take. You have no idea if these women are bitches or not. I'm a natural organiser and enjoy being involved (aka, a bit of a control freak) so tend to be in the middle of things. I'd hate it if someone assumed I was some sort of Regina George because of it.
You've heard one side of things. Remember, there's likely to be 3 sides: OPs side of things, the organisers, and what actually happened.

Please don't assume people are bitches though, before you've even met or spoken to them, that's awful.

There are two sides to this as I tend to agree that cliquey behaviour is awful, however, it's tricky to book and socialise at a meal for 30 parents. 12 is a good number so unsurprising they've not pushed harder for numbers/inclusion.
I feel for your friend as she was interested and it looks like she's been excluded but at this point you don't know if this was a genuine oversight. You can organise drinks between the two of you or invite those you like, it's not treading on toes to also organise things.

The people I chat to in DDs year are mostly the parents of her friends (who I'd ask directly about park trips/playdates) and a few others who I know through other people but our kids aren't close. I'd assume that anything like Y6 leavers would be arranged partly in conjunction with the kids at that age anyway so I wouldn't worry too much about it

I’ve experienced the same scenarios with school mums and WhatsApp groups and I’ve now decided to keep these mums at a healthy arms length. I don’t follow on social media or respond to these messages as you can drive yourself mad. I keep them friendly enough for pleasantries at school but don’t engage any further than that. I’m pretty sure some of them enjoy being cliquey and exclusive and love to let others know they had a good night out so disconnecting and focussing on your real friends outside the school bubble is your best bet.

You sound disappointed?? what did you want a fight?

I hate to break it to you but, if you're a self-confessed control freak and organiser and 'like to be involved', people will be saying stuff like that about you!

Yup, I realise that and it makes me sad. The irony is that the thought of being disliked fills me with dread. But, hey ho.

Sounds like you got in your own head about it

Can't wait for the 3.30 update.

None of this stuff matters. Drop your kids off, pick them up, be polite. Who the fuck cares?

Oh come on, thats utter nonsense. In the nicest way possible, you sound a bit crazy. Forget it and move on.

This is insane. Absolutely bat shit crazy.

Please just relax and go about your business as normal. Be pleasant, be friendly and then go back to your life in between school runs.

Cross posted! 😆

Please don’t.

🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

So these four women actually get off their arses to organise stuff and even invite others to join in, but your friend expects them to run around after everyone to ensure no-one is left out?

Seriously??

Why should they? They’re not being paid to be your personal social secretary?

You and/or your friend could organise your own outings with the other parents via the WhatsApp group, if you wanted to. So why don’t you?

I would probably move... it's the only sensible non-dramaz thing to do.
Australia.

I doubt the op will return to the thread, it’s not really gone how she wanted it to. Unless of course somehow a major event has occurred since half eight this morning, even if it’s a product of her fertile imagination 🙄

I wonder if anyone has seen this thread? I mean it's a bit of you know you know isn't it?

But you didn’t want to go anyway and you didn’t make the comment … so what’s the problem?!? I think you are being dramatic … it’s nothing to do with you.

Op are you a generally anxious person? I ask because I am quite socially anxious and have done a reasonable amount of therapy to work on it. What I learned (and this sounds harsher than it is) is that no one is that interested in you. No one is reading your message multiple times every which way looking for a hidden meaning, no one is thinking about some imaginary plot between you and your friend, and no one has spent their weekend giving this brain time apart from you. I know this sounds mean but if you can accept that your WhatsApp messages are largely this interesting only to you it is very liberating. Largely, when you are mortified and worrying about something you said or did, the other person or people in the situation have already forgotten about it. When you next interact with some mums at the school gate (not your friend or the “big 4”) think about it afterwards, think genuinely about how much you actually are actively thinking about anything they said or did or were wearing once you have left the situation. People are fundamentally way more self absorbed than we like to think and being worried about a text message that, let’s be honest, some of the other mums haven’t even read let alone thought about to the degree that they’ve dreamed up some sort of conspiracy, is a real waste of mental energy. If this sort of thing bothers you regularly I really do recommend seeking out some cbt for anxiety to give you some better coping mechanisms.

I'm sorry but what a fuss about nothing. Stop caring what these people think of you.