AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

Probably because they have moved on or more than likely tbh didn't give a toss to start with by what was said by whom.

!00% agree.

The only issue I see here is the Dads laughing at the drama... why are they leaving all the Mums to be on the groups? We have class whatsapp groups and it's a mix of parents, not just all the women.

The night out wasn't initially mentioned in the group chat for all the class mums to see and therefore it's fair to assume the evening was planned for a select group only and didn't automatically include everyone. I agree that 12 is quite a lot for a 'select group' but it's not as if they left out one or two from a class of 30 mums.

However, it wasn't really appropriate for the night out to be mentioned in the Class group chat the following day. The Class group chat should be kept strictly for class/school business.

Grow a backbone and stop being such a wet blanket. What do you think theyvare going to do.😴

Take care OP - sounds like a diabolical sixteenth century Machiavellian plot to me!

Ok it sounds like you maybe are kinda a bit peeved about not being directly invited and that it seems like they went off and organised a separate chat about it, but you are more concerned that your friend has called them out on it and even though maybe you secretly agree with her you don’t want associated with her rebellious ways?
In the kindest possible way OP, don’t be what we Scots would call a ‘shitebag’. Be properly annoyed at them for forming a wee clique and not inviting everyone, and show some solidarity with your friend who had the balls to stand up for the rest of you!
The drama the guys are talking about probably has to do with someone realising they have fucked up and posted about the night out to the main chat. You haven’t actually done anything. Except be associated with someone who is supposed to be your friend??

'Updated'?

🤦‍♀️🤣🤣

I get why you’re concerned. The mum ‘clique’ at our primary school did this and gradually strongly enforced who was ‘acceptable’ and who wasn’t. Obviously the kids learnt behaviour from the parents so the kids emulated them. I stood up for others so me and mine were ostracised from social stuff.

I really really hate to say it but, go with your instinct of not rocking the boat, let the adult bullies have their way. Unless you have really strong allies, and the time to take over as social leader, there’s no way you’ll win this one.

You're not much of a friend?

Got an update from this afternoon’s pick up, about 6 of the 12 mums who were there were chatting about how much fun they had (which I did think wasn’t nice for those who got left out) but apart from that everything was fine. My friend smiled at one of them and they smiled back so good there’s no bad blood

I want an update!! I know this is always a nothing burger but I also personally PP might previously pre therapy have read too much into this, esp with friends passive aggressive post being after mine. You can only control what you control, it’s not all about you (about oneself), and prbably there is someone on the other ‘side’ (there aren’t actually sides, but the anxious brain will naturally create them), who’s is feeling guilty ((god was I part of an exclusionary event?!!). Catastrophising is a real thing for may people, not pleasant to suffer from but, good news!, is something that can be worked on :). OP I feel your pain, but no pain need to be endured. Please disregard the negative nancies who are making out that you had some ill intent or are somehow otherwise at fault. It’s not all about you, or me, etc.. and that’s a good thing! :)

But even with your latest update it doesn't change the fact that in your opening post you said you weren't interested in going.

So what is the issue?

I'm glad it's all worked out OP. It goes to show how easy it is to build stuff up in your head. We've all been guilty of it.

Non-event turns out to be non-event, shocker.

Ok, well then. Tell NATO to stand down.

All sounds a bit pathetic to be honest, OP. Grown bloody women!

You get that information directly from the school communications. Study bugs /parentmail what ever your school uses. I wouldn't dream of joining a school watsapp group exactly due to this clique crap. Your kids will get invited to parties if they are friends with other children, it makes no difference being part of a chat. If it does that's fucking weird and culty.

It doesn’t sound nice. When we have a night out for our school mums, we post on the main group to see who’s interested in going, then move it to a separate group chat for logistics, arranging and photos afterwards. You don’t want to be clogging up the class chat with it

Oh I wouldn’t worry. I’ve had much worse. After suggesting in the class WhatsApp that we should be abiding by school safeguarding rules in the WhatsApp group, the Mums on the class WhatsApp stopped talking to me and haven’t since. Their comments made it clear they knew nothing about safeguarding. Concerning because there were TAs, other school workers, nurses etc in the group who you’d hope were familiar with safeguarding rules.

It's not your problem so ignore it

It certainly wasn't nice if your friend - who made the remark - was excluded. She obviously felt she was.

Do you think this is going to reflect on you and are you embarrassed for being her friend because of that?

Sounds like the crap that used to go on at school, load of mean girls. Good on your friend for calling it out. Don’t know what you are stressed about. You haven’t said anything wrong. Just avoid discussing if you don’t want to get involved.

Same! I was like - where is the rest of the post that actually explains what the problem is? 😂

OP I think you sound paranoid and a bit weak. But I think your mate sounds cool for saying what she thinks and not being pathetic.

Came here expecting actual drama 🤭