AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

This wouldn't happen because school don't control WhatsApp group chats set up by parents and you can't stop adults from carrying their phones.

Nice story tho.

I wouldn’t even give this anymore headspace tbh. You didn’t wanna go,you didn’t go. You said/did nothing wrong. The end.

Wow you need to grow up and I can't believe you were going to throw your friend in it, to save yourself.

Aren't you a little slink. Least she says what is on her mind. There is more to life than this, you must have a blessed life is this is all you worry about.

Oh. Way to stir up more trouble whilst throwing your friend under the bus!

Just keep quiet

Exactly this 👆 ffs life’s waaaay too short for this crap.
Keep a respectable distance and don’t get too enmeshed in these shenanigans.

Yep and it's going to make them think OP was in cahoots with her friend and then changed her mind and became disloyal to her friend.

I can see your problem. Had everyone really been invited there would be details about the invitation on the WhatsApp chat in the first place but it sounds like only a select few were invited. Therefore, to post photos on it afterwards is a bit off in my opinion. Sounds like

WTAF?!

Why? Join in or don’t! In the nicest possible way stop overthinking the school run, you’re creating the drama now!

If you're after real WhatsApp class group drama there's the recent story in the news that involved police and everything! I don't think this is a big deal. I guess your friend felt left out, but the reality is, she knows who the "organiser types" are, message them direct and say "is the tapas night still on, can i have details and come please". I think everyone reads soooooo much into things, reality is, they likely had a separate group, thought they'd added everyone in who wanted to go and accidentally forgot your friend. No big deal. Your friend should probably not have said anything, mildly awkward, absolutely not your problem.
If she's not in regular touch with anyone who went, then she probably wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway, by year 3 (in our school anyway) we don't do whole class nights out, we've chosen our friends and socialise with them alongside the odd whole school polite nods and chats (sports day, school play, wreath making etc). Whole class mum gets together are great in reception when you are mingling but by 4 years in, surely you and she know who you like hanging out with by now. Go together on your own tapas night if she is bothered.
Given your reaction to this, i suggest you put the group chat on mute and check in twice a week for any reminders - it'll stop your anxiety and you really don't need to reply to "anyone seen Tom's water bottle" or "is it pe today". The dads are right, it's mad to need to say "wow great pics hope you had a good night" or "well done annabelle in assembly" or "sorry, I've checked but no Daniel's jumper here" - ignore it all unless it's relevant.

And this is exactly how queen bees and their bitchy groups are established in secondary schools and it just carries on into adulthood. People can indeed have their own get togethers but need to be considerate enough to not rub other people’s faces in it if they’re not included.
You wanting to distance yourself from your actual friends comment is how people get excluded and for no better reason than you don’t want to upset the Queen bees. Your friend said nothing out of turn and it’s ok for her to call them out if she wasn’t invited. Don’t be that friend that drops someone to stay in with the popular kids.

Please don't do that. That's making it

1. Look like a bigger deal than it is
2. throwing your friend under a bus
3. making you seem like needy person they can boss around, who will do anything to stay with the 'in' crowd.

They are not worth any of this. You haven't done anything wrong, your friend is perfectly entitled to stand up for yourself and good on her for calling them out on it. She hasn't done anything wrong either. It was a bit passive aggressive but so what. They deliberately left people out which is worth pointing out. Good on her.

It's literally been in the papers and the bbc website, the couple arrested were paid £30k by Hertfordshire police for wrongful arrest, needless to say they moved schools - it's a really good read and a real insight into some very odd decisions made by everyone involved!! Definitely worth an Internet search if you have a spare 5 mins for some entertaining news

Oh I remember that story. Awful! But the school didn't shut down the private WhatsApp chat, they can't control that.

I'm sorry that this might come across as harsh, but you sound a bit childish.
Yes your friend was being sarcastic and is probably annoyed that she didn't get invited. If the others didn't want to be called out on not inviting everyone then they should have invited them, or at least create a separate chat for sharing photos.
From what I can tell, any drama that might ensue from this has nothing to do with you as you haven't said anything sarcastic yourself.
Why does this worry you? You're all adults I'm sure you will survive this.

did u want a personal hand delivered invite? Grow up.

@PuffPastry84

Are the 4 main mums the PTA? Or the class reps?

I went to a local village school where there was a group of women who were all close and organzised all the activities for the children. They were the class rep and everything was through the whole class group.
They did socialise together just them and a few other parents here and there. But the big activities like leaver’s parties etc were for ALL the children and they wouldn’t dream of excluding anyone.

So is it a but like that? Are you projecting a bit cos your mate stuck her neck out (and why shouldn’t she!)

This is a non event and while it has clearly rattled you use this as an opportunity to grow a thicker skin and think of ways of building your confidence.

You'll sound like a complete suck up. How old are you???

There might have been another group with a different group of mums completely unrelated to the group your in.

Beside that point, you did nothing, you were invited, you declined and said it looked like they had a good night.

No drama, you are massively overthinking it, if it was mentioned Id play dumb, oh did they, I totally missed that/misread that.. move on.

Or friends with the poster!
OP is choosing the cool kids rather than to stick with her friend who's actually done nothing wrong.

I cant believe you were contemplating saying you dont agree with your friend and thus throwing her under a bus. Christ.

Didn’t want to go, didn’t go, don’t care who went…don’t see the problem?? I was always added to class WhatsApp groups and I rarely commented if at all. I socialised with the parents whose kids my kids liked, I arranged personal thank you gifts for teachers, I arranged parties the old fashioned way with paper invites given out…I muted the WhatsApp groups because I had more important things to focus on than adult playground politics of my child is better than yours! My best trick was leaving these groups when some got silly (like for things that you’ve posted about!) and having the satisfaction that it showed up as ‘my name’ has left the group! 😆 if that isn’t the biggest two fingers up at the ones causing drama than I don’t know

It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested.

So, the people who WERE interested went. Okay.

This is high school level drama.

Op you care way too much about what these women may or may not think if you're even considering throwing your actual friend under the bus to align yourself with them.

If they've started inviting people and then snubbed people then actually those people are entitled to call that out should they so choose. That's nothing to do with you and I wouldn't be getting involved in any way. You were invited, you didn't want to go so just leave yourself right out of it.

If they think you're part of the frustration about it then that's on them, they can either address that with you like adults and you can set them straight and say you were invited but couldn't make it and it's nothing to do with you, or they choose to be underhanded and talk about you in secret in which case let them jog on.

You do have a choice in how much you let this bother you.

I think you need to consider why you are so afraid of conflict and of other people.

You sound nice, but you surely don’t want to be a pushover in order to keep in with people who behave badly. Just behave well yourself and let everyone else get on with their silly fusses.