To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

I was allowed to have a friend come on holiday with me. I loved it. Obviously if they can’t afford to, or don’t want to, they can just say no.

The OP can do whatever she wants in her house, just seems a shame to have these forced traditions if her daughter would like to mix things up once in a while.

Are some of the posters on here people who have to have the perfectly decorated tree (move decorations round after children have gone to bed)? When you have young children isn’t it more about the fun for them?

Lovely that your DD has a friend so near and they enjoy playing together.

Also lovely to have some occasions marked out for just family.

Sounds like the OP is also very kind and generous in looking after the friend. She doesn't need to feel guilty about keeping some activities as a family thing. She also doesn't need to make up for it to the friend by getting another tree or planning more activities for the kids to do together. That's a really weird reaction to me.

The kids will be happy playing together at the next opportunity.

As far as we know Jesus didn't have any children to be a parent to, but he gave his disciples rules and commandments and often rebuked them - doesn't sound like a walkover

This is the perfect scenario to set boundaries and explain to your dd that she does as her parents say, not as she wants. Start bending over to her will at this age, you will spoil the child and make a rod for your own back. Don't do it.

Also, as I unfortunately found out, it is not good to be that close to one particular friend in childhood - your dd needs to have many friends, this bond with spending all weekend with you, literally joined at the hip, with 7.50 am starts? Not a good scenario. I was friends with a girl like that, exactly like that and when she dropped me, I can't tell you how awful it was.

You're the adult and the answer is simply no. This is a family day. You SHOULD be protecting these traditions as all too soon DD won't be interested and also, all too soon this friend may no longer be such an important friend to her, as these things go with little ones.

Your daughter needs to learn she can't invite a friend without checking with you first. And the friend doesn't call the shots. Her mother likely assumed it was okay with you, but the friend needs to be told a firm no by you, the adult.

Like others said, she can come over and decorate cookies or make ornaments another day.

@CatPawprints - you've put that much better than I would have done! I was thinking I must be turning into the Grinch for finding the responses about including the friend or getting something for them to do together weird. Kids need to realise they can't just invite their friends along to things without checking first. If the friend is disappointed, that's a lesson for the OP's daughter.

Well if your daughter wants her friend there I'd be inclined to let her. You can't force things into being Special Family Time: the minute one of that family would like something else, or to introduce someone else, you risk enforcing a Lovely Tradition that isn't so lovely for everyone.

What does DD want? As an only child, i didn't love the 'our own little family' stuff if I'm honest, and preferred occasions to include other DC, my cousins or friends. You don't have responsibility to the other child, but if you want to make it the best it can be for DD, then I'd definitely take her wishes into account on this.

Your DD might not really want her there.
My DD had an overbearing friend like this and in the end it turned out my daughger didn’t actually want this child at all these sleepovers and family events but the friend was bombarding them until we gave in. In the end she would get me to lie or make up excuses.

Just think about the money changers in the Temple!

not wanting to have friends ALL THE TIME is a perfectly good reason.

It's as important for the kids to have a busy social life, loads of friends, groups, sleepovers, parties, gathering than it is to show them boundaries and that sometimes, once or twice a year, you have private family time.

Some day the kids will look back and remember the time they had with parents, grand-parents and it was special.

It's even more special when it's rare.

Insisting on a weekly "family Friday night Gilmore style" and "Family Sunday time" is boring and over the top. A once in a year occasion is fine

Just say no. The kid is a pest.

Yep. I still remember the Christmas Day afternoon in about 1995 when my friend from the estate behind us knocked on and my grandma let him in. He proceeded to eat 3 helpings of Christmas pudding and insisted we all play the board game he brought with him. I wish my parents had politely but firmly sent him home!

I would be sending her home and telling the Grandmother the acceptable time to call, that’s not round for playing that’s childcare.

Not a big deal - spread the love ....

My now adult DD had a birthday on 5th December and part of her party was everyone joining in with decorating the tree.

To be honest I do think we have all got a bit precious about family only rituals ....

I can see your point , but she’s only 7.
I don’t think the other girl is dictating anything, or ‘riding roughshod over your plans ‘ she’s just got a bit mixed up, she won’t be plotting to ruin your day. If you decide she’s not going with you, please be kind how you say it.

I wouldn’t be letting a 7 year old dictate things.

you don’t want her there early so you say no and send her home. Once she is round, you don’t want her in your house all day. Well you send her home / back to grandmas.
you seem to be letting her and your daughter determine things far too much.

dont be buying extra bloody trees. Just say no, you can play with each other on Sunday instead.

Also you're putting your tree up pretty early: won't there be tonnes of time left for you to sit under it in your pyjamas watching films or whatever before it's actually Christmas time?

I’m with you. I had a DM was happy for me to go to DFs or relatives, anywhere really as long as I wasn’t home.

At 7 she will be aware that your DD’s life is different to her own.

I think I would talk to your DD and see what she actually wants to do.

If this one day is the one that’s most special to you, you could tell her that and ask her if there is another trip you have planned that she could come along to, like the local Pantomine?

It’s a long time since I was 7 but I’m still grateful for those who realised what was going on and showed me kindness.

If nothing else it shows this girl that she can’t ride roughshod over other people’s plans.

Shes seven 🙄

Does your daughter want her to come. Because it’s fine you not wanting her there, but you will likely have a disappointed daughter, which kind of ruins it really. I think I’d let her come, you can have a brilliant time all together.

MN is fabulous.

This forum is full of posters who hate people, refuse to have friends, faint at the idea of hosting someone overnight and demand to see the menu before accepting a diner invitation, posters who would never even open the door and are infuriated at the idea of playdates and parents coming along or staying at kids parties, and hate having children around,

but an OP who just want to do something with her kid once a year is called "precious" and overbearing

Honestly it's insane😂😂

The point is where does it stop? Does the dd get to decide her friend gets to do everything with the family?

Maybe they're different posters?