To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

😂

I think OP wouldn't feel so strongly or be so exasperated if this girl wasn't - probably through no fault of her own, just enabled by adults - monopolising quite so much of the family's time the rest of the year.

I didn’t realise until this thread, how mean some people can be about Christmas. Honestly I think some of the replies here are ridiculously harsh considering the discussion is about two young girls and a Christmas tree 😂 and so many people so completely unprepared to show kindness over said Xmas tree or even make any concessions and grinching about even offering a Christmas crafting activity or similar for two young girls who are excited to do something festive together! Honestly I think many here are lucky Father Xmas isn’t real or you wouldn’t be on his nice list!!! 😂

I never realised 😂 how little people value family time 😂 😂 and are happy to let their neighbours walk all over them and dump their kid on them whenever they feel like!

I didn't realize until this thread how many mawkish people were so ready and willing to guilt someone else with sappy, smarmy #bekind bullshit.

Yeah, I am happy to stay OFF Santa's NICE list thanks, if it means doing anything and everything anyone and everyone wants me to do, no matter how miserable and stressed it makes me feel, in the name of #BEKIND!

You do you though hun. You continue to #BEKIND and I (and the rest of the posters on here who think like me) will continue to be ridiculously harsh and UNKIND, and proper grinches. Better than being a mug, and a doormat, and letting all and sundry walk all over you, and treat you like shit, lest you be accused of not BEING KIND!!!!!!!

@Izzywizzy85 and @CheeseIsMyIdol Unfortunately @babyproblems is preaching to the choir on here. She is blathering on at a bunch of fiesty and assertive women who don't suffer fools gladly and won't be guilt tripped by all this 'BEKIND' wankery. We've been there, done that, bought the fucking t-shirt, and lived that shit. We don't sucumb to emotional blackmail, and the 'gosh you should be more KIND' crap. 😆It doesn't work on us sugar!

As I said, no way, in a million month of Sundays would any MAN receive such bullshit guilt tripping. And if he did, he would say 'ha ha, LOL, get fucked!' 😎

I am an only child and I had a great childhood. At 7 I had a neighbour best friend and we were in and out of each others houses - funnily enough my parents had a caveat of no friends in before 10am too - Christmas decs was something Dad and I did and loved having that time with him and look back at it fondly. Probably if you had given the 7 yo me the choice I would have said I wanted BF there but it would have changed the dynamic and I'm sure BF's parents would have found it a bit odd. Unless you grow up in glorious isolation somewhere, there is no reason for onlies to be desperately lonely! Doesn't sound like OP's DD has time to be lonely!

I agree.

Of course no parent is obligated to prioritise another child’s wishes. I was just acknowledging that real-life situations sometimes involve thinking about both sides because we live in community with others. But the parent’s choice comes first. My suggestion was just a possible compromise that preserves the tradition while staying kind to the neighbour’s child.

Oh FGS, here we go again. #BEKIND!

@AskAggie Would you say the same to a man? BEKIND to the neighbours child/children and let them come and dominate the traditional Pre-Christmas activities your family have?! (Having done so by manipulating your child into saying they want them included?!)

And if so, how do you imagine A MAN would react?

I know. He would laugh his arse off, and tell anyone trying to guilt trip him to fuck right off! 😂😂

😂 Just thought I'd throw some ROFLing emojis about, cuz why not?

😂

.

I hear your point, but let’s be clear: suggesting kindness toward others doesn’t mean giving up your family traditions. My original post was simply offering a way to include the neighbour’s child without disrupting her plans—a win-win, not a demand.

Parenting is about choices, and parents get to make them. Being kind doesn’t require anyone to surrender their family’s holiday. That applies to men and women alike.

The #BEKIND brigade isn't even making sense.

On one hand, they are dismissive of the tree-trimming ritual as no big deal, not that important, OP is nuts for placing importance on it, it's just a tree, it's just a day, so why not let Little Importunate join in.

Yet on the other hand trimming the tree is such a not-to-be-missed experience that Little Importunate is going to be devastated, traumatized for life and crushed to a cinder if mean old OP excludes her from this hallowed moment.

Which the fuck is it, BEKINDERS?

Oh and how many near-strangers are you welcoming to your private family activities on your day off from work??

Now THAT is worthy of a 😂

Op these are the ppl batting for you ,please don't listen to them as any decent human being wouldnt advise you to be so callous and insensitive. Unfortunately ppl like this exist and could come into contact with any one of our children one day 🤢.
I don't think your being unreasonable to say no just would like to think you would handle the little girls feelings with some compassion and kindness which I'm sure you will .

Fighting the patriarchy, one 7 year old girl at a time.

It's perfectly reasonable not to buy into and model the 'bekind' movement ,,,,it doesn't mean you have to model and be actively unkind .

Fgs, as if the OP wouldn't consider the girl's feelings if she decides to keep it a family time - she has the girl round her house ALL the time and has opened herself up to the AIBU vipers on here to ask for advice - why? Because she cares!
If she didn't she care would have just said no & not posted on here in the first place.
🙄

@Zov @CheeseIsMyIdol I was with you for a while on this thread but I think you've collectively jumped the shark.

As I said which I'm sure she will 🙄

Haven’t RTFT but 59 is definitely young for a grandma! It’s young full stop. Mine were both dead when I was 7 but would have been in their 70s.

Back and forth between your houses.

The other kid isn't spending most weekends at your house. I bet that kid isn't turning up at 7:30AM, either, or inviting himself along to your family things.

it’s about what you want the memories and moments to be

What is wrong with that? NOTHING.

Mothers are allowed to want things as well.

Why is this such a touch concept for some MNers to grasp 😂

MN is the sort of place where someone might say that sarcastically 😂

I want a cheeseboard and champers, but I'd go full 1970s and put orange juice in mine 😂

The discussion here seems to centre on the idea that the neighbouring child is 100% cuckoo in the nest. It is worth remembering that OP's DD asked her ... presumably because she wanted her there and wpuld enjoy this.