To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

Not mean to have family things, but this one I think I'd let slide as your dd will enjoy it more with a friend.

Too much hand wringing here. Your DD is 7, she needs to understand she cannot dictate what happens in your house without checking with mum and dad, if she’s made a mistake she needs to learn it’s ok to apologise and say she got it wrong. No one has to feel obliged to change their plans and traditions to avoid offending a neighbours child with no boundaries. No need to buy an extra tree, have a craft day, make gingerbread houses. Not this time is fine.

Where will you draw the line? Panto on Christmas Eve, family gathering on Boxing Day, blow the cobweb trip to the beach?

And yes my DC did grow up and have lots of friends round, parties, and still visit or call daily, saying no did not damage my relationship with them.

Why are you being so wet? “But she rings my phone” 😅

Wait until your kid is a teenager, she’ll run fucking rings round you if you don’t grow a backbone.

No Lucy, your friend can’t decorate the tree with us, it is a family day.

As for answering the phone at 7.30am to a 7 year old kid 🤪🤣

it might be the kind thing to do as a one off?
But what the heck? get ahead of the 7:30 stuff. That's bonkers.

Another vote for doing something Christmassy with the friend the next day, maybe involving another small tree. If you can afford it, buying a growing tree in a pot which you bring in each year is nice. I did that when the kids were small & that was the one they solely decorated & made things for

Family traditions are lovely & yours sounds really nice. It won't be that many years before your daughter loses interest or has other commitments so I think you are entitled to be a bit selfish with this one & keep it to just family with a lovely alternative with the friend.

One of my DCs had a friend like this. Friend was largely unsupervised and her mum seemed to like fobbing her off others. She once came round at 7am on a Sunday “because mummy said she was trying to sleep”! It had never occurred to me that I didn’t have to let her in, but that Sunday visit changed my mind. She was round every day, often bringing a sibling or a random friend with her. It became quite intrusive as I felt I couldn’t relax in my own home.

Put your foot down for two reasons: first, because this is a special family tradition; but second, and just as importantly, because this girl will start to become a pain. It’s not fair to her to let her think she can behave like this. Don’t let her come to the Xmas tree thing and practise turning her away every so often when she knocks at the door.

Next weekend is the very end of November/start of December? There will only be 26 days until Christmas, I don’t think that’s hugely early

Reading your update I think you do need to have a word with the grandmother. It does sound like she is happy to let her granddaughter visit you anytime and this may be because she is lazy and then doesn't have to do any childcare, or it might be that she genuinely thinks you are ok with it as you welcome her in usually.
Maybe just say to her that it's lovely that they are good friends but your DD isn't always available to play, and when she is around not to call until after 10.

We had this when DS was at primary school.

Neighbour down the street’s DS used to watch for me coming home with DS, around 5:30/6pm (as he’d been to kids club after school due to us working) and constantly knock on. I found it annoying as it’s not something I would ever have allowed DS to do (letting him knock on knowing they had just walked through the door).

I had to be firm in the end and just kept repeating, DS is just having tea, homework, anything, until it was more on our terms. DS didn’t want to hang around with this DC as much but couldn’t tell him no, as this DC was extremely insistent! It all worked out in the end but took about 6 months of being firm!

I can see both sides but if you want to keep it to the three of you just be clear and firm. Fwiw (and I work in education) I don't think it's good for children to get their own way all the time or have to be mollified with alternative treats when they don't; it's fine to say no.

But there would have been NO WAY I would even entertained answering the phone or door at 7:30am!

Personally, I would let the child join in as I don't see what harm it can do. X

Personally, I would let the child join in as I don't see what harm it can do. X

Don't really understand this, it does sound very precious to me. Your daughter is sure to enjoy the day more with her friend joining in.

And personally I find decorating the tree a rather dull chore, so having someone else to share the labour sounds a good idea.

Well no, we don’t light pumpkins or eat chocolate eggs. Absolutely no law will be broken if people do but it’s not really what defines the holiday. And shutting your doors and leaving out a child is not the embodiment of the Christmas spirit. The OP is entitled to do it of course.

She goes on grans phone

I agree with above,

gingerbread house gingerbread man to decorate with friends, can be even nicer for them than decorating a tree.

Nothing wrong with having a family day and a "friends" day the day before or after.

No one was wrong in this story, just invite for alternative and problem solved.

God no. Put your foot down! Nothing worse than a cheeky friend. And instil your daughter not to make plans without checking in with first

If there's room in her room, why not buy a little tree and decs that she and her friend can do on a different day, maybe make a little treat for them afterwards like some Christmas cupcakes?

OP - I agree with the first part of this comment. I was an only child and sad to say very lonely and loved it when my friend came anywhere with us as I didn't feel so alone. So maybe do something with her just not this.

Perhaps going forward you have to accept that things will change. Maybe think about it next Christmas but I don't think you should back down this year. She has been told no and that should be the end of it. Also your DD needs to understand she doesn't just get to make the decisions regarding who can join in your special family time.

If you do it for next Christmas it gives you a chance to prepare and accept things will be different and also maybe spend the next year setting a few boundries. Maybe have her round a little less and definitely call a halt to the 7:30 calls if they bother you.

Perfectly normal to start decorating at the beginning of December 😂When else are you supposed to do it!

I know some people are very early, others are very late, but early December is perfectly average, I can't see what the poster is on about (and taking off a tree to put another one, what? 😂😂)

Plus I don't know about you, but there are so many events and parties and all sorts in December, early December/late November is the only time we even have available to put the tree up anyway, unless we do a very rush job between 2 outings - which is not really the point.

You are letting this child dictate when she sees you. Be firmer.

Nope, don’t entertain this idea, Christmas traditions are precious family time so don’t be guilt tripped into changing that, even just once off.

no one normal wants to be the centre of their children' s life, but it's fine to keep Christmas as a family and not have friends for EVERYTHING.

My kids have a ridiculously busy social life but I think it's important to plan a few "family" and strictly family occasions throughout the year, maybe 1 or 2 a year are enough ,but Christmas is one of them.

Nah, nothing "cheeky" about it, just two little girls wanting to share a fun activity.

But not being allowed to, by an awkwardly possessive mother.

But judging by the comments, that's a fashionable "look" these days.