To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

Your DD is getting older and will start to have her own thoughts about doing Christmas things. It is worth thinking about having to be being less rigid about a family ‘tradition’ in anticipation of your DD not wanting to do the same thing every year anymore.

Its sad, but inevitable…

YANBU it’s a family thing. You don’t need to feel bad for saying no!

Of course I don’t answer the phone 🙄 I see it ring and silence it or see missed calls later. I don’t allow them to play until 10

It is cheeky. There’s absolutely no boundaries.

DH was an only child from the age of 8 as his siblings died then. He said he absolutely hated Christmas as an only child and really wanted someone else to do Christmassy stuff with. I appreciate that's a totally different situation as there was a huge loss involved, but I do think Christmas activities such as decorating the tree can be more fun if you have a friend there.

However it's your absolute right to keep it as family time. I second the suggestions about inviting the friend for Christmas craft activities.

I would go with the flow.
I think it would turn out better than you imagine.

Nah. It's not a matter of "boundaries" (ludicrously misused word in this forum), it's a simple matter of two little girls wanting to share their fun.

There's no harm in it if you don't mind but the OP clearly loves the traditions they have set up around this and doesn't want to change it or the dynamic. And that's fine, it's about what OP wants as well as the child.

Plus the kids are very young so in reality the OP's daughter might regret her choice of having a friend there when it actually happens, particularly if the friend wants to take over etc. Too much excitement and young children doesn't always work well.

You are both completely ridiculous 😂(the posters, not the OP)

It's not cheeky to ask if a friend can join in,

but it's not being "awkward and possessive" to decline.

"Let the little children come to me"

Tell dd and friend no. It’s family time

but a Christmas activity next day be nice

boundaries

tell nan to mmm no calls or vists before 10

Jesus sacrificed himself on a cross to save mankind from their sins. Im just not sure how appropriate it is to consider what he'd do in this situation.

Nah, it really is just a matter of two little girls wanting to share their fun, and Mother deciding "that's not on" for no good reason.

OP, your boundaries are very poor, through kindness.
What are you modelling to your daughter if she sees her own mother cannot say no to a 7year old.
She is around yours too much.
Not normal at all.
Her grandmother is using you and you are actually behaving like childcare for this child.

What if your daughter grows tired of her?
The habit of her half living at your house is long established.

Start saying No.
Absolutely no to the tree trip and start scaling back on her being in your house all day.
Let them play together, but not all day.

Also your daughter shouldn't have said yes, she is not an adult and doesn't get to decide.
This is a direct result of poor parenting and boundaries.
Nip that firmly in the bud too.

Ah let the kid come with you.
It doesn’t look like they will be having as great a childhood as your DC (a bit of a leap but it’s my two-penny-worth anyway) Share the magic!

eta - following from a PP, it’s an ideal time to (a) tell your DC that they need to ask their parents first & not invite without permission and (b) go back to the DGP of neighbouring child and put some firm boundaries on them, eg not before X o’clock etc etc.
You are generous and kind but nobody’s fool!

I’d be saying sorry and sending her away when she knocks.
She can do things like that with her own family.

I think it's a bit sad really. I'm an only too. Sounds as if your DD wants to have this fun time with her friend there.

I think it would be nice to do what your daughter wants. She obviously enjoys her friendship and sounds like a lovely thing for them both to do.

She just doesn’t seem to be that well supervised as calling to play at 7.30 in the morning is crazy to me,

It’s crazy to me how much you allow.

Ps I speak from experience here. We had a similar but slightly more low key tradition around setting up an advent calendar (one you can get out every year) & I can still remember the year one of my daughters had a friend over & insisted she be allowed to join in...

You are the parent, if you don't want her there then (or so much) then say 'no'. Setting healthy boundaries is all part of parenting.

OP puts in the effort for Christmas, she should be allowed to decide what is family time.

What happens when OP’s dd wants the friend to come on holiday with them?

Is that what he said?

Yes, you are being “precious”.
Not everything has to look perfect ‘for the gram’.
They’re 7. Christmas should be fun.
She will likely remember the time you let her and her friend decorate the tree, unlike decorating the tree with her family year after year.

Lighten up.

If DD had been the one asking you if she could have a friend round to decorate the tree, not necessarily that friend, would you say no? What happens as she gets older, will you be flexible with traditions?