To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

I’d assumed the little one lived next door to you. She doesn’t and she’s being “looked after” by her grandmother. No then. I see it as the Nan offloading her.

She is an only and plays with her and others every day, I just see this as just us, it’s a different vibe/atmosphere with her friends here, which is nice, but not really for this

Don't answer the door before a certain time, if you don't want to.

What about getting DD a small tree for her room? One of those £8 ish artificial ones that go on a table too and her and her friend can decorate that? Make them some hot chocolate and they won’t know the difference!

It’s not just your Christmas. But the small Christmas tree maybe a compromise

Do you think so? She practically does live next door to us, always here 😂

Why don't you get a little tree for them to decorate for the bairns bedroom.

*As has already been suggested

Christmas should be about whatever people want it to be about......

She calls my phone and comes to the door

You have family plans so just say no to her. Maybe also remind your dd to ask you before she invites people in future. It's something you enjoy not just your daughter so you are allowed to do it how you enjoy it.

Next week it’ll still be November!!! You’ll be sick of the sight & mess from the tree before Christmas really starts…get the next door neighbour to help you take the tree down around December 15th…then start your celebrations properly!

You are letting a child dictate your free time
you tell her no and stick to it
you mute her number till a convenient time and do not answer the door
when you see her gran ask her to not let her around until before 10am and tell your Dd to not invite people to do things unless she has asked first

You need to tell your daughter that she's not allowed to invite people to things without asking you first.

I think if it made my child happy to have their friend there to help decorate the tree, I would suck it up. I’m not sayIng I give in to all requests, but I suppose I don’t see this as a massive deal. But we all have our preferences and you’re well within your rights to say no. But I’d leave it at that rather than trying to come up with some booby prize compensatory alternative.

Put on your best teacher voice and tell her "we dont have callers before 10 on a weekend". Then follow through on that by silencing your phone and turning the doorbell off.

Because the bigger picture is that an unrelated 7 year old child is controlling your time and that shouldn't be happening. Model to your dd how to manage characters like this.

As you’re posting more info OP, it does sound like you’re letting the little girl dictate too much to your family. You’re being very kind by letting her come round so often and also very generous in getting the crafts and tree. But her calling your phone early and coming over is too much. Put some boundaries in place now, otherwise it’ll only escalate. My DD had a friend who wanted to FaceTime constantly and it started becoming every morning, every evening. I’d then say we’ve got to have dinner or do homework and it was call me back after! I started to feel like I was being hounded and personally I don’t mind a FaceTime a couple of times a week maybe but family time is precious, I want to hang out with them when they get in from school and hear about their days. Everything is now back on an even keel with DD and her friend and I feel a lot more comfortable too. They’re only young still, it’s ok for us to put the boundaries in on what we’re comfortable with

I am with you. As the mother of an only 7 year old! We do similar - family trip to a really enormous garden centre to choose a new decoration and then the tree comes down from the loft. But then 2 out of 3 of DS's friends are really irritating so I am possibly being influenced by that...

That said 7 is definitely an age where kids will push. I had friends at that age who wanted sleepovers I didn't want and when my mum said no at my request the "but my mum said I can" always came up. Of course she did, she gets a night off.

I do. Where we live we have a kid dumped on the lazy nan by the lazy father. No one can be bothered looking after him so he’s in everyone’s face. I’m probably biased by this but it’s not your job to entertain the girl.

It's up to you if you don't want them there. Maybe a little tree for your DDs room could be a new tradition and they can do that another day? In our house the kids are older we have friends that are here so much they feel like part of the furniture, We have had one who has been here for birthdays, xmas tree decorating, they were here for our 10th wedding anniversary dinner 😂The kids enjoy it & I don't mind but everyone is different!

Well Id put some boundries in place and say to the lass and her gran that please no calls or knocking the door before 9.30am.

If dd wants her to decorate the tree then I would be ok with that.

How has she got your phone number, or is it the gran who rings?

It might be appropriate to consider what Jesus would do in this situation, and then do that.

I’d probably be over thinking it, as you are OP, but this poster has the right answer

I would consider this a tiny bit precious. If DD wants to spend it with her friend as well as family I’d be supporting that.

Family time shouldn’t be enforced imo, it should be natural. That way it’s a positive thing that everyone enjoys and not something kids ‘have’ to do.

That’s a really nice idea!