To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

These are lovely ideas to include the friend while keeping your family time special. On a wider point, it does seem a bit sad that the girl is in the situation she is in.

Think you are looking for the buggy taking thread.

What "situation" is she in?
She happens to stay round her grans a lot and like a lot of kids these days is allowed to do what she likes.

The assumption she is somehow uncared for has been made by over zealous posters not by the OP if you read her posts.

Don’t be so harsh and judgemental OP! Your child is only 7 how do you know she won’t grow up and be a nuisance to someone else??

my child is an only child too (and we welcome other children into our home) it just gives Her the child company she needs and a little independence from us….

It’s not young for me, but my mum and mil were roundabout 40 when they became GPs. However, on MN I agree 59/60 is a young grandparent, because on here you don’t have kids until you are almost 40, and your parents must be in at least their 70s 😁

Did you even read the OP? This is literally the first paragraph:

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house

OP is welcoming another child into her home every weekend.

Out of interest, would you allow your son or daughter to ring your neighbour at 7.30am on weekends asking them to play? Would you feel comfortable if they spent every weekend at someone else's house without you checking first if that's OK? The grandmother is absolutely taking the piss!

Fine to want to do some things family only, but if your DD really wants her friend to join in then it may not be the fun family tradition you’re hoping for, in her eyes at least.

However YABU to think that next weekend is ‘the start of Christmas’ 😜

I think you - and many others on this thread - need to think about what Christmas actually means. It isn't all about you and your little family.

Oh yes of course... We women must all #BEKIND and succumb to manipulative behaviour and emotional blackmail, and let others walk all over us, no matter how unhappy or shit it makes us feel.

BE KIND BE KIND BE KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFS!

This is a non-issue.

My son is 7 and plays with a boy his age a few doors down. At the weekends, they trot happily back and forth between our houses. (Luckily, our back gardens are now connected with a gate as we both bought land that joins together!) Most weekend days, if we're home then I'm happy for the friend to be playing in our house, however if for some reason I don't feel up to it etc then I don't think twice to saying, "Sorry Fred, Simba isn't free to play today/right now." close door Simple and effective. Just do that.

What a sneery and rude response.

You don't get to decide that. If someone wants it to be just about them and 'their little family,' (as you so sarcastically put it!) they have every right to do so. It's got nothing to do with you.

You are not being at all unreasonable.., however I was once that annoying friend. My home life looked fine but I was actually neglected and sad- if you could extend some grace to the neighbour I think she would remember it for a really long time.
its embarrassing really but I remember being included in a lot of my friends family celebrations and they were lovely days for me ( and memories)
Im really glad people opened up their homes to me at the same age as DD friend as it meant I got to experience some normal stuff.
Havinb said that you are absolutely entitled to say no and stick to your family tradition

What made me PMSL is the idea (from the OP) that grandparents are all doddery, and old, and frail. 😂 Oh, and they don't work, and are all retired.

No, it is. It can be about whatever she wants. Literally nobody else’s business, the OP isn’t obligated to entertain anyone else’s kid.
Again-sooo so fucking weird.

I would sent a text to give them heads up that I'm on x day just incase the child/grandchild wants to come round your busy that day.

Wow this is a lot! Id have to message the grandparents and say please can she not knock until a reasonable time! I’d also say no to the decorating… totally get this as we are the same at our house! Get them one for her room or a ginger bread house!

No you’re allowed to have something just for yourself and not have others join in! Sounds like OP has this child over a lot already!

So tired of these pious, sanctimonious bekind posts. Christmas means different things to different families.

Why should OP not get what SHE wants? Are wives and mothers supposed to suck it up 100 percent of the time and set their own wishes aside? Rubbish.

Have you missed the part where OP actually DOES accommodate this kid multiple times a week?!

How much of her family life must be disrupted because other people have chosen to be shitty parents??

I had an only child who always had friends around, including neighbours' children. There were times when I'd have liked it be just us but, in fairness, we did have those times and as long as my child was happy, I didn't mind the other children coming around. I actually liked them, they are all still friends, in their forties! Many came to my late husband's funeral too some years ago, a couple with their parents.

No way would they have been phoning or knocking at 7.30am, we would have still been asleep except on school/work days, all three of us liked a lie in. Later on it was quite normal, and doing the Christmas tree was not a sacred event for us, we just did it, not this early.

It's up to you, it's your home and family. It wouldn't bother me but I'm not you.

A child calling in at 7:30 screams poor parenting. Who on earth lets their child knock on someone else's door at 7:30 am.

Absolutely ridiculous and would be telling the child to go home.

What is magical and special for you might be less so for a child. You seem to be creating a Hallmark Christmas scene, but remember in those films there is always a sad lonely child who would prefer to be with other kids.

😆😆😆

We had an almost identical situation some years ago. I did let her stay and decorate the tree. I felt home was mildly neglectful and low effort. I was so used to doing all those things with her: baking, board games, arts and crafts etc that I didn’t think twice about it. The girls have drifted apart in their teens, so I rarely see her now, but I think she needed the stability we offered her at that time in her life. I don’t think you are unreasonable to make a different choice though.

I think it's absolutely fine to decorate the tree with just your family- from the sound of it the friend may have two other trees to assist with- her grandmother's and her parent's. I wouldn't want other children around when we do ours- we put music on, decorations bring back memories of family holidays when we bought them, painting some during covid etc. And you have other lovely Christmas activities planned involving the friend.