To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

Not you're not unreasonable.

But I do feel for that little girl. Shes at her grandmother's a lot and seems to be looking for company/attention.

Im sure you'll come up with a nice alternative activity for them. I'd just be mindful that in the future, that girl may look back on her childhood memories and think fondly of you.

Has friend's family ever invited your child to visit, have a meal, attend a fun outing? Anything??

I think it's a wonderful idea. You're creating memories for your daughter and traditions for your family. Then when your daughter is older she'll look back on the memories with warmth, fondness and nostalgia and probably carry those traditions onwards when she has a family of her own. She'll know that she had wonderful Christmases in her childhood ❤️
Most people have their traditions and ways of doing things, and as it's a time when families spend a lot of time together it's natural to want to do the traditions and Christmassy stuff together.
I would feel the same as you.
I would also suggest another day the friend came round and I'd get a little Christmas tree and decorations for your daughter's room for her and her friend to decorate together, along with doing a Christmas craft or baking together, or buy a pack of paper chains for them to put together.

I didn’t vote as I don’t think you are being unreasonable but I do think you are framing in it wrong and it’s about what you want the memories and moments to be. I’m an only child and never felt I missed out on siblings because my mum was so welcoming of other friends whose families weren’t as inclusive as mine. I got to share so many moments and feel such joy that I had the silly fun tgat I now know as a mum of two girls that id never have enjoyed as an only if my mum hadn’t been so gracious.

Even now with two extremely close girls I love feeling like I can provide the extended family feeling my mum did.

It’s really lovely that you’re so accommodating for dds friend. I think it would be nice to allow her maybe her own family arent doing anything, it is an odd request from a child!

It depends what you want to do.

@CheeseIsMyIdol haha it doesn’t have to be huge Xmas trees!! I’d get them a small fake table tree each and they could do an activity afternoon together. It doesn’t have to be huge drama x

Or the other thing is get them to make decorations, there’s so many crafty activities for Xmas. Her friend could take some home aswell. Do your tree separately 😁

Jesus! She's a 7 year old child not a spiteful adult! Some of the replies on here are insane. Just shows how selfish we've become as a society. Christmas is about sharing and it's about children. Just saying....

I hate when kids wont be told absolutely its a family thing tell her no

If it would enhance it for your dd to have a friend there and make it even more fun I’d be encouraging it and fostering her friendships.

Christmas is about whatever we want it to be. OP isn't required to sacrifice herself to #bekind.

That's fine as that is what YOUR mother wanted to do. The OP is not UNgracious for wanting to have a weekend free of outsiders, with the day unfolding as SHE sees fit.

And op is more than happy to accommodate said child on other days. Just not this day, and not when child invites herself along.

I'm not a mum so have never ventured to post, but I have been a 7 year old only child in circumstances that meant I had few friends (I'm thinking of the friend here, not your dd). I haven't read all the posts but I gather your dd's friend mostly lives with her grandmother who, while not old, must seem ancient to a 7 year old.
Is it that this child is lonely and would love to be in a family like yours, hence the 7.30 calls? That wouldn't mean you had any obligation to her, of course, but would make it likely that when your dd described your picture-perfect Christmas tree day, her friend would have longed to take part.
I think the question is what does your dd want? Is she regretting mentioning it to her friend or would she like her to be there for some of it? If the latter and if your dh doesn't have a problem with that, then it's just you - in which case, in answer to your question, you are being precious.

No, the question actually is, what does the OP want?

OP's seven-year-old is well taken care of, has a lot to which she can look forward over the holiday season, and doesn't get to dictate to her parents who is invited to private family events and when.

The OP is not 'being precious' to have preferences about how to run her household and what she personally finds fun and fulfilling as a Christmas ritual.

That shitty parents and grandmother are foisting their daughter off, uninvited, on OP's family to an egregious degree, does not mean the OP has to pick up their slack. Enough with the nonsense about a 7-year-old child's whims determining how the family celebrates or how the OP is 'permitted' to relax on her days off from work.

Totally agree- what is wrong with people that they can’t say “no” to others fgs.

No need for some random 7yr old to be running the show!! Christ!

No to the tree decorating - totally fine to do this as a family! No to the 730 calls/ knocks on the door and no to the phone calls. No to buying a separate tree for that girls to decorate. No to bending over backwards to suit others when it doesn’t suit you!!

It’s lovely she has such a close friend but you absolutely need to set boundaries. Just say it’s a family activity and be firm

Are these posts real?? Or are people just taking the piss for the sake of it now??

I feel like some people are writing an updated version of The Little Matchgirl here! The other girl isn't going to be left outside in the snow starving you know!

It would be interesting to know just how many of the worthy, sanctimonious posters on here are flinging open their doors to local children this Xmas?

Get a grip! The OP doesn't want to have this other child there and she doesn't have to! Her only child has plenty of friends & sees them plus this girl all the time..
Spending time just with her family is also fine.

This is literally the most batshit thread!

Maybe your child should get to feel what it’s like to have a sibling. They’ll enjoy doing it together. Maybe the other kid doesn’t have nice xmas traditions.

Eh? I never said that? I’m saying she’s young to me, not an older grandparent who may struggle with her. My mum (dds grandma is 72) I don’t see her as old and she isn’t, but she would struggle with having my Dd this often. There is a difference between a 59 year old grandma and a 72 year old one!

@cloudtreecarpet with respect you've got your knickers in more of a twist than I did!!
I also thought I'd quoted a comment ( but it looks like I messed up and didn't) which basically implied that the friend was taking over and that refusing to allow the friend over to help was 'showing the friend she can't ride roughshod' over other people which seemed an overtly nasty and absurd way to talk about a little girl who's likely just lonely!
And OP's daughter WANTS this little girl to come and help...
I dunno, maybe I'm getting old but when I was little Christmas was about sharing. Kids grow up and traditions evolve around that.

I get the impression that OP’s daughter is being dragooned into this by this girl. Yes it is ok to set boundaries and say no. I’m sure grandma can step up also and not allow the girl to access her phone at 7.30am also.