To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

No it's a family tradition

Ask your daughter what she wants and go with that. An only child can be lonely and she might want to share the day with another child. I would be like you but it’s really about what your daughter would enjoy more

Your house, your call OP. I don't see decorating a Christmas tree as any big deal but each to their own. Is it really about this tradition though? If dd had asked if a friend from school could come would that be different? It sounds like you are just finding the situation with this girl difficult which is perfectly understandable. Do you actually like this girl? Or is there something about her that just doesn't click with you? If so, maybe you need to really cut down on contact.

Christmas trees are for kids, so I would let the kids do it the way they want. Bit weird to insist on wanting to do it your way as a grown up, family tradition or not.

However, playing at 7:30 on a weekend - absolutely not! Unless they want to go to the friend's house of course.

I would feel the same OP!
tree decorating is a special thing and not really an activity to do with friends.
explain to your daughter you’d like it just be a family day and she can see her friend the next day (maybe organise a Christmas craft for them if you’re up for it but don’t feel pressured to replace saying no to the tree with something else)

I understand Christmas is about children but if this is one thing you’d would enjoy doing with your daughter as 1on1 time then don’t be afraid to say no. You’re allowed to have the Christmas you’d like too. You aren’t being unreasonable.

I can see why you'd want it to just be family. But to me personally I think christmas is for children and I'd do what makes her happy, as long as its not the friend being pushy.

Saying that Christmas is (first and foremost) about Children isn't the same thing as saying adults without children can't enjoy Xmas.

The OP is being a bit selfish - in my personal opinion - and is putting her own desire ahead of what her daughter wants. Her DH also doesn't mind the friend coming which suggests that he is a bit more flexible / conscious of the daughter's needs. Her daughter could look back on this Xmas as the one her mother wouldn't let her friend come over.

yes 100% but 7 seems quite young to chuck traditions out of the window and the neighbours kid sounds like she's always round 🤷‍♀️

That's very presumptuous and judgmental! The friend might have a single parent who has to work long hours! "palming off" your child with your family is infinitely preferable to paying for child care if it's an option.
I say this as a single parent who has no choice but to work stupid hours and who had no option to leave my child with family and paid a child minder. Whose son abused several of the children there, including mine, and is now in prison.
So yeah. Parenting includes many things, including paying for the roof over your children's heads and the clothes on their backs.

Erm did you miss the part where I stated that OP is not unreasonable and has every right to her family traditions?
Do you always over react like this?

I would have a word with one of her parents/grandparents about that. That's not OK, far too early to be knocking on people's doors

Of course not but Christmas is primarily for children as we all know - Santa Claus is a big clue as is the fact that it's the busiest time of the year for toy sales.

'Christmas is primarily for children' is a ruse dreamt up by parents to force non-parents into working Christmas for them.

Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ, the clue is in the name.

Santa Claus as you know him was invented by Cola Cola in 1931 to boost sales.

I’m not being sarcastic. Why would I? Cheeseboard, champagne, something nice for dinner afterward like steak. Our tree trimming is not a kiddie event.

Christmas is not “mainly for kid” in my world.

I agree your daughters friend does have a young grandma. OP you already know the answer you have said this is your family time so stick to your guns! I like other suggestions about having the friend over to decorate a small tree.

@CheeseIsMyIdol do you have young children? I think whilst you have young children decorating the tree is more child centric. If you don't have young children or any children then it obviously is more an adult affair.

Your tree trimming event sounds great but I can't imagine doing it like that if I had young children in the house and they weren't allowed anywhere near the tree. We can now do it like that as DC is now at uni and much more interested in his mates and partner. But we might save putting the star on the top of the tree for him for when he is at home!

Its Ops choice, by saying no, its her boundary, it wont become expected that the friend must be a part of it.
It's obvious that little girl feels more comfortable at Ops, i do feel sad for her tho, which is probably unwarranted due to my own neglect as a child

I'm assuming this poster didn't read the update where OP clarified that is the girls grandma's house, however, she spends some weeknights and most weekends there.

We don't know enough to say whether the girls parents are being inconsiderate here (they may not know that their daughter spends most weekends at her grandma's at the next door neighbour's house and calls them up at 7.30am) but the grandma certainly is.

@Goldengirl123 ah, the ‘lonely, only child’ rhetoric.

Op doesn’t want this child to join on this one afternoon. Given she says her DD plays with this child frequently, how do you get to the conclusion that she’s so lonely, one afternoon doing something with her parents will be detrimental?! Ridic.

You need to hold your ground firm and don't let the spoiled child get away with it. If you give in now, it will be worse in the future. I am sorry that it's you who needs to teach this lesson to this kid instead of her parents. Look at it as a way to educate the brat. You will be doing her a favour.

I didn't mean palming off the child on the grandmother. I meant the grandma is palming off the kid on the neighbour! 7.30 am is FAR too early for a 7 year old to be texting using Grandma's phone and coming round to knock or ringing.

It doesn't sound like she gets time to be lonely. She's either at school or this girl is banging on the door to be let in.

Oh for goodness' sake!
🙄🙄🙄

Exactly. The welfare, well-being, and happiness of some random neighbour's child is NOT the OP's responsibility, and frankly I am sick of all this #BeKind bullshit, guilt-tripping, and emotional blackmail that is being poured all over the OP. No-one would do this to a man - ever.

@Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth You do what you want with your daughter, you do NOT have to include this child. Ignore people telling you to #BEKIND !!!!!!!!!!!!!

If the child does not understand boundaries and so on and so on, it's time she bloody well learned about them! She is not your responsibilty. Despite all the guff and waffle about a 'village' and all that jazz.

🙄