Issue at nursery pick-up - would you have expected an apology?

[CluelessInLondon]

Just wondering if I am BU/overreacting for thinking this other parent was a bit rude...

Went to pick up DD from nursery yesterday at about 5.45pm. There's a buggy shed at nursery where you can lock away pushchairs and we leave ours in there pretty much every morning, no issues since she started there in July. Yesterday I arrived to find that someone else had taken my pushchair - there was another the same brand and colour there, but very obviously not the same one (it had loads of stuff in the bottom and a fleecy seat liner which mine doesn't have).

I told the room lead who happened to be outside doing a handover at the time, and a few minutes later while we were still figuring out what to do (I had no alternative for getting DD home other than to walk the 20 minutes back home, get the car and come back) the phone rang and it was the parent who had taken my pushchair, belatedly realising he'd got the wrong one. He was asked to bring it back, and he arrived within about 10 minutes. I was waiting inside (parents aren't usually allowed in), and the room lead told him that I was ready to leave so could he leave the pushchair outside for me.

When I got outside, there was no sign of the pushchair or anybody who looked like they had it - it turned out he had locked it back in the shed and dashed off. Now, if I had made this mistake and accidentally nicked someone else's pushchair from nursery, I would have been absolutely mortified by the error and for inconveniencing another parent when it's freezing cold, dark and they need to get their child home - I would have made a point of waiting for them to come out so I could say sorry.

AIBU to think that it was a bit rude to just bung the pushchair back in the shed (especially when he'd been asked to leave it outside for me) and run off without saying sorry for the inconvenience? And if you'd made his mistake, would you have waited to apologise?

I didn't lose any sleep over it last night, but just curious if I'm expecting too much!

Going by the comments on the thread about other dads/husbands, women arent stupid enough to accidentally steal a buggy in the first place 🤷🏼‍♀️

Absolutely.

I agree , an apology would have been nice and maybe you’ll get one at a later date? But generally l have few expectations that people will always act the way l would and life is much happier .

Oh get over yourself. If it had been another Mum .. probably would have got an embarrassed apology (mix up probably wouldn’t have happened). But … from a bloke picking up a buggy … you’ve led a sheltered life ..

Obviously not just inside door takes more than a minute to walk up , open a locked shed place the trolley inside take their trolley and lock the shed up again.
I would have thought oh my god and not that it was a big thing. Mistakes happen as you say identical trolley but other bits trolley muffled/ stuff underneath that ? A man w

I agree with this 👆
I would have returned it and ran off again. I wouldn't go looking for you! I'm sure he already apologised on the telephone! You got it back andbthats the main thing right?!

I’ve no idea what has become of Mumsnet. I used to use it a lot 20 years ago when mine were little and it was a lovely supportive place where you could chew the fat but it’s a horror show of spitefulness now. The responses to so many threads I see are insanely irrational. Your thread was obviously light hearted bewilderment at someone’s lack of manners. I agree that his behaviour was immature and knobish and those people defending it because he may have been embarrassed are also knobs. He’s an adult, he made a mistake and should own it. People have lost their sense of community and just basic respect for manners.

He was told to leave it outside. You weren’t there waiting so he probably didn’t want to leave it unattended where it could get taken. I would have done the same. What else was he meant to do?

What I find more concerning about your post is that you say your nursery doesn’t let parents in.
Do you not see staff or the area that your child spends their time in all day?
is it usual for nursery settings to not let parents in?

I didn’t vote as I didn’t see it fit either.

He made a genuine error, it was annoying for you and I don’t blame you, but as they looked the same possibly when light was low. Maybe he doesn’t usually do pick up so didn’t realise the key differences.

I imagine he was very embarrassed and next time he sees you with that buggy he may make a mumbled apology. I guess he locked it away so no one else could take it and he be blamed.

It was annoying for you as you left it there in good faith and delayed your leaving when I’m sure you have a lot to get on with. Maybe consider leaving a ribbon or colourful strap tied round the handle if you have a buggy that others do (like suitcases at the airport).

Yes it occurred to the OP but the nursery told her not to do that

A few people have commented on this so thought I would respond on it - our nursery (and the other nursery we looked at when applying for a place) does "drop at the front door". I think they started it during Covid when they were obviously restricted on allowing people in, and they found it meant less upset for little ones being dropped off - I guess it's quite disruptive having a room with lots of screaming babies and toddlers with parents trying to say goodbye while they get upset! Obviously I've seen the baby room a few times as part of the settling in process, and they have periodic events that they invite parents to so you get to see what your child is up to while they're there. And we see the staff at drop-off and pick-up - someone will come to the door, have a chat to check all is okay and then take the baby inside, and at the end of the day they bring her out and tell me a bit about how her day has been and what she's been doing. To be honest it has never really bothered me, I've always felt assured on my visits to the nursery that it's a good environment for her and she's really happy there - and this way of doing things is all we've known so I guess it's never occurred to me to question it either.

Parent took wrong pram, brought it back straight away, got the right pram out the shed and put yours back. It doesn't sound like he did it on purpose, was told to leave it outside and maybe his interpretation of that was putting it back in the shed. I think you're overthinking just a little bit.

So, OP, how did the dad get his pushchair back?

It's the same at dgs's nursery - ring the bell and give child in (have quick word with nursery worker) and at pick up ring the bell, have a quick word and take child.

Well, his was obviously exactly where he (or his partner/wife) had left it in the morning, so he presumably went and got it when he came back with mine. At some point he made himself known to the nursery staff and was told to leave mine outside - I think the words used were "the other parent is just here and she's coming out now". The room lead was equally as confused as I was when she came out a moment later to check it was all sorted and there was no sign of him anywhere.

I genuinely don’t see what there is to be confused about. Not being pedantic I just understand why you or anyone else would have expected him to hang about. He dropped it off, got his own buggy and left. This is such a non issue.

So the chances are his pushchair was in the lock up, so it would make sense for him to leave yours in there as he was opening it to get his anyway. And as I said before, I'd be very surprised if he didn't apologise on the phone to the nursery staff prior to him returning

He owes you an apology, whether in person or via nursery.

100% understand. You were mildly inconvenienced and must make the other party suffer, even if it was a completely innocent mistake. I mean....if the school let you inside, when noone else is ever let inside normally, then it must mean that you need a grovelling apology for something so heinous!?

Relax. They made a mistake and returned your property the same evening (even though you and the exact same buggy to "borrow"). I very much doubt you'd have done the same.

YABU and to the most monumental of extremes.

He should have followed instructions and left it outside. I wouldn’t expect him to actively seek you out to apologise.

Being generous, I suppose if he still had his child with him, he would have found it difficult too move two buggies. He should have tried though. I guess he might have been in a rush, having to come back.